To think these are correct table manners or am I just a snob??

[Justintime3]

I was raised with strict table manners, yet I have never been sat at a table with anyone who has the same table manners I do! Are these over the top?

This is what I was taught

1. Do not eat until the person who cooked sits down (excused if the chef says you can start)
2. Do not eat until everyone has their food in a restaurant (excused if the person without their food says you can start)
3. Chew with your mouth closed and do not speak with your mouth full
4. Do not take calls or use your phone at the table. Excuse yourself if you need to
5. Put your knife and fork together at the front of your plate when you are finished
6. Offer the last serving of XYZ to the table before you take it
7. Thank the person who cooked and offer to clean up
8. Elbows off the table
9. Tear bread into small chunks to eat in a restaurant, don't bite off the whole roll

10. Use cutlery correctly

• index finger on top of your knife and fork
• spoons for soup and dessert only. Spoon the soup from the farthest side of the bowl
• load food onto the back of the fork with your knife. (No 'shovelling' as my mum called it)

My mum's always been really strict on it and is the type to point out people's bad table manners so I've always followed these to a T. Thoughts? Is this over the top and I'm a snob, or are these just normal to expect?

Because of how I've been raised I can't help but be put off when I see someone without these manners.

Just keen to see how others were raised!

You must be new to hyperbole.

Do you really think that all social conventions are designed for the good of everybody and with only kind thoughts in mind?

Do you rue the fact that marriage is now considered a union of two consenting equals, rather than a means of transferring ownership of a woman from her father to her husband - as social convention traditionally dictated?

Maybe you're also one of these people who believes that the government is trying to force severely disabled people off benefits and into jobs that they are 100% unable to do in a genuine desire to 'help them find a sense of pride and purpose'?

Christ. Are you ok hun? Bad day at work?

Personally I think it is important to know how to eat in whatever company you find yourself, so if eating abroad you should look it up first if its likely to be an issue, but that you should suit yourself the rest of the time. My family and I sometimes have to attend very formal dinners - white tie and long gloves - so knowing the rules on how and when to eat make them a lot less stressful. However when at home we are just a s likely to be "shovelling" up a bowl of pasta with an upturned fork curled up on the sofa in front of the tv. How I'd eat at a formal restaurant with a group of DH 's business acquaintances would also be different to a family meal at Pizza Express - I'd happily chat with my elbows on the table at the latter but not the former.

I believe that the bread rule comes from medieval times when the remains of manorial meals were given to the poor - musch nicer for them to be given a part loaf with a bit torn out than bite marks. I do wonder though whether it was beacuse medieval bread was much tougher than most modern loaves so you wouldn't want to bite into it without having tried the texture with you fingers first to make sure you wouldn' lose a tooth......

This. I'd rather be the 'wrong' type of person than a nasty, small minded, judgmental snob like some on here.

Lots of assumptions there.
Its not that I look down on someone not using cutlery properly, it just that it looks really wrong.
My mum holds a mug of tea in both hands right up to face and sips relentlessly - that looks wrong. Most people take a drink and put it down or at least take it away from their face. Is it hurting anyone no. Is it irritating. Yes.

I do most of this as standard other than ripping up the bread roll and I can’t lie I’m guilty for the “shovelling” 😂, re offering the table the last bit before I take it depends who’s at the table e.g. if it was my dad and brother I would ask my dad if he wanted it but not my brother and I’m not sorry I’m sure there must be others with brothers who feel my pain one of them would take it because they knew I wanted it 😂

ooh actually there’s more, the soup, I don’t really know how I spoon it out so I’m probs doing that wrong….maybe I just thought I had good table manners 😂😂

On the massive and unfair assumption that they've been taught them or that it's their culture of eating...

Tearing a piece of bread and buttering it is less messy & it just looks more elegant - but it's a faff and depending on the situation it can come across as a bit affected.

Basic manners imo

You sound like quite a 'determined' and judgmental person who is convinced that you are right and thus anybody who disagrees with you is wrong, so I'm going to leave you to it.

I prefer MN when people actually want to discuss things - regardless of whether they share my opinions or not - rather than just be insulting and superior. Have a good evening.

@Badlydrawnmum absolutely agree. Apart from the please and thank yous the rest is just OTT and life's too short to worry about how you position your hands when holding cutlery ffs 🤣

I was raised with the same table manners and I'm a working class scouser. My father was very strict about it. According to my dh I have been brainwashed and good table manners were the means of controlling the populace (and I always assumed it was religion)! But then his manners are deplorable!

Basic table manners if you are a snob then me too We aren't though!!

Normal table manners and basic politeness although I think it’s perfectly acceptable to put elbows on the table before and after eating when chatting. It just looks more relaxed

Yes you always break off (not with a knife) small pieces of roll/bread,butter them individually and then pop the small piece into your mouth

My ex was right handed and used his knife in his left hand, which meant that he ripped rather than cut his food. I asked him, once, why he did this because I was curious and he told me it was more comfy that way round. He also used to lick his plate clean and slurp left over milk out of his breakfast bowl, these I told him not to do when I was around.

Basic table manners imo

You wouldn't want to do the tearing off bread thing with e.g. fresh soda bread, though. You'd end up with a plate of crumbs.

Some of these rules are about consideration for others. Others are just narrow conventions suited to a particular social group in a particular time or place. So you need to know why you are doing things - your mother's or grandmother's rules really might not apply!

What people can and can't do with their non-dominant hand varies a lot, though.

I use my knife in my non-dominant hand. Most of my food doesn't need serious cutting. I'm not much of a meat eater. I'd find it harder to rip than to cut with my knife though! Maybe a steak knife or similar was needed.

Basic manners include holding your fork upside down, purposefully making it more difficult for yourself to eat? 😂

I for one cannot respect anyone who does not treat each meal as an exercise in martyrdom. We didn't build an empire holding our forks the right way up and spooning soup direct from bowl to mouth, did we? 🧐

Agree with most of these, but I was always taught if it's hot food, it's less rude to start because you risk letting the food someone has gone to the effort of cooking for you go cold, and that's a bit rude. Don't think the rest is unreasonable, just good old fashioned manners!

This is what I was taught, basic table manners. Except the bread bit, that seems excessive.

DH was barely taught table manners at all. I’m used to it now, and he’s got better as I’ve passed on what I was taught to DC.

It’s much nicer sharing meals with people who do have basic table manners.

9 and 10 are etiquette, not manners, there is a difference. Most of the others are reasonable enough.

I heard a surprising fact from Her Majesty's valet: You can shovel peas on to a Fork by pushing them on to the prongs lengthways not sidewise. Shock!!!!
One thing which saddens me is order of serving, recently at a family gathering, my daughter served slices of cake to her ( newly bereaved) grandmother LAST!!!!!!! Well I was offered cake 2 ndFROM LAST but deferred to grand mother.
My fault, I guess .

’small chunks’ not ‘tiny bits’ - it’s one of those etiquette rules that’s better to know. Doesn’t look good to take a big bite out of a whole roll. Seems silly I know but better to know these rules than not.