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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by GP comment?

280 replies

Macadamia1976 · 28/10/2023 08:04

I have severely injured my lower back. I'm in agony and can't move without pain.
I bent down, lifted a heavy double buggy up from the ground, twisted round whilst bending over to lift it into the boot of my car then overstretched to position it in properly. I did this really quickly and something snapped in my lower back and I suddenly felt searing agony.
After initial urgent care treatment and being diagnosed with a torn ligament, I had a follow up with GP for pain management.
Never seen him before.
He was in his late 30s, maybe 40.
He said "I fail to see how lifting a buggy into the boot has caused this."
I said "Well I was told in hospital it was a combination of bending and twisting my lower back whilst lifting a heavy object. Plus I have an old injury in the same area of my back so I think maybe it was a weak area..."
He said "No, I think this is wrong. It's not possible to be in as much pain as you say you are in from putting a buggy into your car."
At this point I was confused by why he was challenging my injury. I was in pain, and was there for a pain relief medication review.
He said "It's because you need to lose weight."
I said "Pardon?"
He smiled for a few seconds, then said "Yes, you need to lose a stone from your tummy area, if you don't mind me saying" whilst really smiling. "Then your back pain will resolve. You have done this to yourself by eating too much and the stone in weight that sits on your tummy is putting a strain on your lower back. It wasn't lifting the buggy. I'll give you more painkillers but you need to get rid of that stone of weight on your tummy".
I didn't even realise he had even noticed my tummy.
I was wearing trousers and a top.
I am 5ft 7 and weigh 11 stone.
I wear size 12 to 14 clothes.
I've had 2 emergency c-sections so I admit I do have a tummy overhang, but I hadn't thought of this as a problem, I just see it as a result of having emergency abdominal surgery 2 times to save my 2 DC's lives when they were born. I don't really think about it, I'm too busy looking after my DC and working hard in my job.
I was almost crying in pain during this appointment.
AIBU to be upset by his comments?
Or am I in so much pain that I'm feeling oversensitive.
(Edited typos)

OP posts:
thefinaltwist · 28/10/2023 09:59

I've been attending physio this year after a car accident and the therapist told me that carrying that tyre of fat won't be helping. I was speechless! Oh and this was a woman younger than me. I'm 37 and would have put her in her early 30s

threelittlescones · 28/10/2023 10:01

What a bloody arsehole he is!

If you're not extremely slim, they blame your weight. And then if you're underweight, they blame that.

If you have any history of mental health problems, they blame anxiety.

If you're female, they blame hormones/the menstrual cycle.

It's ridiculous. I hope you're OK. Maybe ask to see a different GP next time. I once refused to ever see a certain GP ever again after I got really sick of his dismissive attitude.

ToadOnTheHill · 28/10/2023 10:01

I'd be making it very uncomfortable by asking for an second opinion, asking to be weighed and measured and asking for a full assessment from the second doctor about my "weight and health issues". I'd ask about any possible weight related issues, such as diabetes and ask for tests to assess and rule it out. I'd probably lay on that I am am now feeling embarrassed about my body and ask for a gym prescription. Ideally second doctor will tell you no problems and that you're a healthy BMI and then I'd ask someone official (practice manager, GMC, PALS etc how the other doctor could possibly have reached such a different conclusion, especially as he didnt weigh or measure you or carry out any of the tests the second doctor did and point out how this has given you body image issues.

Jl2014 · 28/10/2023 10:01

Report him, OP

Walkaround · 28/10/2023 10:01

He sounds like an incompetent, sexist, gratuitously offensive twat. I would not be surprised if poor core body strength following abdominal surgery (2 caesareans) contributed to your injury, along with a very inadvisable twisting movement while lifting the buggy, but to claim losing weight will actually cure the issue is negligent advice and I would be inclined to make a complaint about his standards of care.

ToadOnTheHill · 28/10/2023 10:03

ToadOnTheHill · 28/10/2023 10:01

I'd be making it very uncomfortable by asking for an second opinion, asking to be weighed and measured and asking for a full assessment from the second doctor about my "weight and health issues". I'd ask about any possible weight related issues, such as diabetes and ask for tests to assess and rule it out. I'd probably lay on that I am am now feeling embarrassed about my body and ask for a gym prescription. Ideally second doctor will tell you no problems and that you're a healthy BMI and then I'd ask someone official (practice manager, GMC, PALS etc how the other doctor could possibly have reached such a different conclusion, especially as he didnt weigh or measure you or carry out any of the tests the second doctor did and point out how this has given you body image issues.

I would say though that apple shapes can be prone to some health issues, but he should have done the measurements to reach that conclusion and explain that. He also shouldn't have dismissed the cause of your pain.

Redpaisley · 28/10/2023 10:04

Macadamia1976 · 28/10/2023 08:04

I have severely injured my lower back. I'm in agony and can't move without pain.
I bent down, lifted a heavy double buggy up from the ground, twisted round whilst bending over to lift it into the boot of my car then overstretched to position it in properly. I did this really quickly and something snapped in my lower back and I suddenly felt searing agony.
After initial urgent care treatment and being diagnosed with a torn ligament, I had a follow up with GP for pain management.
Never seen him before.
He was in his late 30s, maybe 40.
He said "I fail to see how lifting a buggy into the boot has caused this."
I said "Well I was told in hospital it was a combination of bending and twisting my lower back whilst lifting a heavy object. Plus I have an old injury in the same area of my back so I think maybe it was a weak area..."
He said "No, I think this is wrong. It's not possible to be in as much pain as you say you are in from putting a buggy into your car."
At this point I was confused by why he was challenging my injury. I was in pain, and was there for a pain relief medication review.
He said "It's because you need to lose weight."
I said "Pardon?"
He smiled for a few seconds, then said "Yes, you need to lose a stone from your tummy area, if you don't mind me saying" whilst really smiling. "Then your back pain will resolve. You have done this to yourself by eating too much and the stone in weight that sits on your tummy is putting a strain on your lower back. It wasn't lifting the buggy. I'll give you more painkillers but you need to get rid of that stone of weight on your tummy".
I didn't even realise he had even noticed my tummy.
I was wearing trousers and a top.
I am 5ft 7 and weigh 11 stone.
I wear size 12 to 14 clothes.
I've had 2 emergency c-sections so I admit I do have a tummy overhang, but I hadn't thought of this as a problem, I just see it as a result of having emergency abdominal surgery 2 times to save my 2 DC's lives when they were born. I don't really think about it, I'm too busy looking after my DC and working hard in my job.
I was almost crying in pain during this appointment.
AIBU to be upset by his comments?
Or am I in so much pain that I'm feeling oversensitive.
(Edited typos)

You should have asked from which medical school he got his degree.

He failed to provide you any treatment plan for your recovery, and made unnecessary assumptions about your eating habits. His degree / license should be cancelled for not taking helping patients seriously. Please complain.

OhwhyOY · 28/10/2023 10:04

Why exactly does he think he's better qualified than hospital doctors to make a diagnosis? What a complete . I'd be making a massive complaint. He's 1) clearly wrong in his diagnosis and 2) presented what he said very rudely and 3) even if he was right that you needed to lose weight he could have said something like 'just to let you know carrying excess weight around your midsection can exacerbate back injuries so this might be something for you to think about to aid your recovery.'

OhwhyOY · 28/10/2023 10:05

Also the man's clearly never lifted a buggy into a car in his life. I've definitely strained my back doing it whilst also trying to wrangle a toddler.

HelpMeGetThrough · 28/10/2023 10:05

People saying to report the GP, if that's to just the Practice Manager, it's a complete waste of time, as they do fuck all about it.

Jadeywithababy · 28/10/2023 10:07

Biomechanically an acute back injury is far more likely to be caused by the awkward heavy lifting and twisting that caused yours than having a small amount of extra abdominal fat and scar tissue - where on earth did he do his training?!

It sounds like you had a very healthy body image before seeing this unprofessional waste of space, please don’t let his comments change that - your body is a reflection of the love and sacrifice we all make for our children and should be celebrated as such.

100% complain, he needs to be pulled up on this now or next time he’ll say it to someone with less self-confidence who could develop serious issues with body image and self esteem as a result - incredibly poor and harmful practice!

TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 28/10/2023 10:12

What an idiot, you’re definitely not overweight and I’m pretty sure he would not have said this to a man. I’ve read many articles in the past about male doctors playing down health issues from women.
You have my sympathies as I did my back in this summer picking up the washing basket. I felt something go but didn’t think anything of it until the next day when I found that I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. So much pain but nothing visible to others.
I went to a male doctor in my practice years ago as I felt awful with chest pain. I looked awful but put makeup on to leave the house and brushed my hair to “look acceptable”. He told me that I looked too good to be ill and I felt belittled. I made sure that I never saw him again.
Luckily I have a few women doctors at my practice and they are head and shoulders above the men. They are no nonsense, straight to the point and I’ve always felt listened to and treated well.

Hopingforno2in2023 · 28/10/2023 10:12

I am slim with a flat stomach (when I’m not bloated) and I bent down to pick up something light from DS’ floor recently. As I came back up I twisted round and the pain was crazy! Fortunately it only lasted a day as the thing I was picking up was only small so of course a double buggy is going to be so much worse. Ignore him.

SunCreamQueenie · 28/10/2023 10:14

I had something really similar, dismissed by GP, bit of victim blaming, told to crack on... Visited an osteopath who confirmed there was an actual skeletal issue and fixed it. GPs are not the experts they claim to be but they are often gatekeepers. See someone else and I guarantee the response will be different.
ps get well soon x

wwyd2021medicine · 28/10/2023 10:18

Cablescablescables · 28/10/2023 08:12

What a complete twat!!! I have an old back injury and I managed to re-injure it by BREATHING WRONG in bed. Seriously, I was lying flat, all was well, I then took in an odd breath whilst rolling over and that was it, instantly scuppered myself, needed chiropractic treatment for a week and codeine to manage the pain! Honestly ignore him, he sounds like an uninformed arsehole who needs to develop some empathy and a bit more medical knowledge!

Yep
I re-injured mine leaning over a table!

Sonolanona · 28/10/2023 10:21

I put my back into complete spasm... unable to move for 4 days without diazapam...by putting my coffee cup in the dishwasher!!!!
I'm 5 ft 7 and 9 stone...
It happens!
(I've also done it turning to stroke the cat once before) My back is rubbish after 4 kids and years of lifting them!
Your GP is an arse!
Hope it resolves soon... !!

BrownTableMat · 28/10/2023 10:24

What a moron he is. I have an old back injury (two discs gone in my lower back) that was caused years ago when bending and twisting. I had the worst relapse in recent years when I was a healthy weight and a size 10. My weight has fluctuated over the years and I’m currently a bit overweight, but there’s no correlation between my weight and back pain - I’d hoped there would be so losing weight would help solve it, but no. See a different GP.

Milliemoos5 · 28/10/2023 10:25

He’s a knob. I have put my back out several times and so went to see a specialist consultant. I’m a size 12-14 too and I did ask if the little extra weight im carrying could have contributed to it and he replied it’s highly unlikely cos, in all his years in this field, he’s seen people with a huge array of backgrounds with the same issue; from 8 yr old ballet dancers, to athletes, to obese, to slim, to 95 yr olds and everything in between

jlpth · 28/10/2023 10:25

He is dangerously ignorant IMO.

SpringboksSocks · 28/10/2023 10:27

He can’t have gone to his mandatory NHS lifting and handling training, where the first thing they tell you is you can injure your back from twisting and lifting.

user68901 · 28/10/2023 10:30

I am a skinny as a rake and could easily put my back out lifting and twisting with something as heavy as a double buggy. What he should have said is to protect the back in an ideal world you need to make time for yourself to do pilates or something which will help you strengthen the body as a whole . But in the meantime here are your pain killers to get you through this bout of back pain.

Bromptotoo · 28/10/2023 10:31

Well I did mine in pretty much the same way. Must have been nearly 30 years ago as it was my eldest's pram/buggy and we had a saloon car. Changed to an estate car before she walked because both of us were risking our backs.

Also, once you've got a weakness like that it will probably recur. Had the odd awkward lift with something like a car battery set it off but also picking up a dressing gown from the floor and raising my foot onto a chair to cut toenails. On one occasion it was moving on a toilet seat. A good ten minutes before I could stand up.

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 28/10/2023 10:32

Is he a genuine GP or a GP assistant? Can you imagine him dealing with someone more vulnerable than you? What an arsehole. You need to complain to the practice manager and if that wields no results go further.

henrysugar12 · 28/10/2023 10:33

But you are within the "healthy" bmi range! Make a complaint about him!

Ecnerual · 28/10/2023 10:34

He's a class A, paternalistic dick head.

My mum had a similar injury and she's very slim all over, also has tummy pooch (four children so her muscles have worked hard) but that definitely didn't cause her back injury.

Agree with the pp to write a complaint to the practice manager. Also request a note is put in your record that you don't want to see him in future.