Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by GP comment?

280 replies

Macadamia1976 · 28/10/2023 08:04

I have severely injured my lower back. I'm in agony and can't move without pain.
I bent down, lifted a heavy double buggy up from the ground, twisted round whilst bending over to lift it into the boot of my car then overstretched to position it in properly. I did this really quickly and something snapped in my lower back and I suddenly felt searing agony.
After initial urgent care treatment and being diagnosed with a torn ligament, I had a follow up with GP for pain management.
Never seen him before.
He was in his late 30s, maybe 40.
He said "I fail to see how lifting a buggy into the boot has caused this."
I said "Well I was told in hospital it was a combination of bending and twisting my lower back whilst lifting a heavy object. Plus I have an old injury in the same area of my back so I think maybe it was a weak area..."
He said "No, I think this is wrong. It's not possible to be in as much pain as you say you are in from putting a buggy into your car."
At this point I was confused by why he was challenging my injury. I was in pain, and was there for a pain relief medication review.
He said "It's because you need to lose weight."
I said "Pardon?"
He smiled for a few seconds, then said "Yes, you need to lose a stone from your tummy area, if you don't mind me saying" whilst really smiling. "Then your back pain will resolve. You have done this to yourself by eating too much and the stone in weight that sits on your tummy is putting a strain on your lower back. It wasn't lifting the buggy. I'll give you more painkillers but you need to get rid of that stone of weight on your tummy".
I didn't even realise he had even noticed my tummy.
I was wearing trousers and a top.
I am 5ft 7 and weigh 11 stone.
I wear size 12 to 14 clothes.
I've had 2 emergency c-sections so I admit I do have a tummy overhang, but I hadn't thought of this as a problem, I just see it as a result of having emergency abdominal surgery 2 times to save my 2 DC's lives when they were born. I don't really think about it, I'm too busy looking after my DC and working hard in my job.
I was almost crying in pain during this appointment.
AIBU to be upset by his comments?
Or am I in so much pain that I'm feeling oversensitive.
(Edited typos)

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 29/10/2023 19:43

Personally...id put in a complaint. You're not overweight fcol.

Penny1979 · 29/10/2023 19:59

The GP was unprofessional and probably slept through the teaching on spinal/back injuries and has no clue what he is talking about.

MouseMinge · 29/10/2023 20:18

He's a horrible man. It's possible to put your back out through the most simple of actions or even not knowing how it's happened. Years ago I went for a walk with a friend, all good. Woke up the next morning barely able to move. No idea what caused it.The longer than usual walk? Did I do something while asleep? I was in huge pain for well over a week and it eventually recovered. According to your doctor that would be impossible. His comments about your weight, which is a tiny bit outside the BMI for your height - by about a pound, FFS - is not a cause for concern. You don't need to lose a stone. Some doctors should never be allowed to work with patients and he is one of those.

landbeforegrime · 29/10/2023 20:30

He sounds like a total w@nker. sorry you had to deal with that. book another appointment and ask him to refer you for gastric band surgery. when he can't because you're not actually overweight ask him why he's such a shit doctor; on the one hand he thinks your weight has caused a significant back injury but on the other cannot do anything to help with weight loss because you're not actually overweight. don't actually do that. just complain and make sure you don't see him again ever. also maybe put this on the surgery's online reviews too so the world knows they have a misogynistic POS working there. i hope he's not married and that no woman will ever have a child with him.

agonyau · 29/10/2023 20:46

Firstly I want to say how sorry I am that you had to endure these insensitive, ignorant, unjustified & hurtful comments from this doctor, and you should put in a written complaint to the surgery accordingly, requesting that he is educated on the various body shapes of women (not all of us have an hour glass figure!) emphasising you do not want to be seen by him again.

Secondly, our bodies change after childbirth & our stomachs may never be the same again. I never had a particularly flat stomach b4 having an emergency caesarean over 20 years ago, but it seemed more bloated afterwards - - and STILL rather enlarged now, despite healthy eating & lots of exercising (running long distances 3/4 x per week), and up to 2 years post birth I used to get many acquaintances innocently coming up to me and congratulating me “oh, I see you’re having another baby!” - I would get embarrassed & say I wasn’t pregnant, I know they weren’t trying to upset me, but it hurt.

Doctors ought to know better. Your weight & height seem reasonably healthy, certainly not heavy enough to cause back ache. You need to see another senior doctor & get the pain relief you need.

myfaceismyown · 29/10/2023 20:50

This is a message that I hope everyone reads. I had Cauda Equina Syndrome. It is caused by a disc bulging and cutting off the nerves. If you have it you cannot feel your perenium. Anyone who has hurt their back and is soldiering on please check you can feel between your legs. If not get to A&E at once! If you are operated on with 48 hours your use of your legs can be saved. I didn't, saw a stupid Dr who thought I needed rest. Had emergency surgery way too late and have lost the use of my left leg.

WhatsTheEffingPoint · 29/10/2023 20:51

Ahhhh the usual 'you need to lose weight' comment, I swear you could walk in to a Dr's with a finger injury and they would trott out that line.

I broke a disc in my back putting a dish in the dishwasher, Dr's just chucked pain killers at me until I couldn't walk and insisted on further tests.....one mri later....oh you've ruptured a disc in your back, you need surgery!

If the pain continues, go back and insist on further investigations. In the meantime try hot water bottles and stretching (slowly and gently)

Fatcat00 · 29/10/2023 20:58

I was on the GP side until you mentioned your weight and size. What an idiot. It does sound unusual to be nearly crying from a strain though.

Tallgirlsrock · 29/10/2023 21:14

GP shouldn't be saying such things, you didn't go to him about your weight.
You should file a complaint with the practice manager. Every GP surgery should have a complaints procedure.

I have been in a similar situation with my back, in fact the last (and most painful) time, was when I bent to pick up a plate off the coffee table! I was in absolute agony. I see a private physio about my back and it turned out I had dislocated a joint in my lower back (I have done this before)
Thankfully she was able to pop it back in.
I believe this is probably what you have done too.
Now, I am overweight, but this is nothing to do with my weight, in fact it's that the muscles around the joints needing to be strengthened.
If you can afford it, I recommend seeing a physiotherapist who specialises in backs.

Hmm1234 · 29/10/2023 21:16

I would take anything a General Practitioner with a pinch of salt lol.. I mean he’s not a back specialist and was being unnecessarily nasty. I’d refuse too see him again

Zooeyzo · 29/10/2023 21:24

@Macadamia1976 having c sections has really made my back very sensitive to any twisting movement and I'm very slim. I found a lot of relief when I started exercises to strengthen my core.
Your GP is actually very rude. And also wrong. C sections play havoc with your lower back. I did exactly the same as you and took months to recover.

Rhaenys · 29/10/2023 21:28

I injured my back by bending and twisting as a skinny 15 year old. He sounds like an idiot.

newnamethanks · 29/10/2023 21:35

He's a smug idiot. See another doctor, a woman if possible.

listsandbudgets · 29/10/2023 22:04

What a twit.

He'd have had a field day with me.. I once dislocated my finger and sustained soft tissue damage picking up a cup of tea !!! Caught it at an odd angle and was suddenly in horre dous pain. Nobody ever worked out how I did it but now thanks to your GP I know the answer.. I need to lose a few hundred grams from the palm of my hand.. what flipping idiots all those doctors were not to suggest it

Poodles23 · 29/10/2023 22:05

He needs reporting - speak to the practice manager, what he said and his attitude was well out of order.

SuperBlondie28 · 29/10/2023 22:21

OP, why are you even posting this question? You know he shouldn't be making personal remarks about your appearance! Get writing to the practice manager ASAP!

It's seems to something that GP's are programmed to say to patients, lose weight, exercise will help, eat healthy. Hell, I could be a Dr if that's the answer to everything 😂

Incidentally my DH was told to lose weight by a very overweight male doctor. DH just laughed in his face and replied that the GP shouldn't be advising that in his condition!

Rachand23 · 29/10/2023 22:31

I really feel for you, what a twat of a doctor - I had a C Section, caught a massive infection from the dirty Op.theatre, felt like I was dying (they kept me in for over 2 weeks) - the Doc coming around the ward could only say - you need to loose weight! What is it with these men ? Why do they become Doctors? Please get a second opinion and or change doctors and I hope you get the pain relief you need. I expect it will take quite awhile for it to get better though, so try and take things slowly.

Anele22 · 29/10/2023 23:07

“You have done this to yourself by eating too much”. That is an outrageous comments. If you feel up to it you should definitely complain. Disgusting to say that to a young mum who’s just had a baby.

Gwlondon · 30/10/2023 06:35

When you complain include the weight of the buggy. He has no idea how heavy they are.

Loubelle70 · 30/10/2023 07:37

MouseMinge · 29/10/2023 20:18

He's a horrible man. It's possible to put your back out through the most simple of actions or even not knowing how it's happened. Years ago I went for a walk with a friend, all good. Woke up the next morning barely able to move. No idea what caused it.The longer than usual walk? Did I do something while asleep? I was in huge pain for well over a week and it eventually recovered. According to your doctor that would be impossible. His comments about your weight, which is a tiny bit outside the BMI for your height - by about a pound, FFS - is not a cause for concern. You don't need to lose a stone. Some doctors should never be allowed to work with patients and he is one of those.

True...seriously i put my back out picking mug up 🤣. Twisted wrong way

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 30/10/2023 08:17

I once gave myself whiplash blow drying my hair. Also dislocated my thumb doing CPR training on a bloody limbless dummy. As a result of the last one (and the two surgeries to correct it, combined with my vast history of weird injuries and orthopaedic surgeries) I found out at 49 that I have a connective tissue disorder called Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome, and I also need an aortic valve replacement too. I probably need to lose a
million kilos as well.

Brutalass · 30/10/2023 08:23

He's an absolute twat and a bully who needs reporting! End of.

I really hope you do.

I hope you get the medical attention you need from a professional and that this pig gets struck off.

Get well soon.

pollymere · 30/10/2023 09:53

I thought you were going to weigh some horrendous amount! You sound a healthy weight to me. I had a Doctor tell me I should weigh seven and a half stone and I told him I'd bring in a photo of me at that weight and see if he still thought so (I look anorexic in the picture). Lazy Doctors blame problems on weight.

Blueggsandham · 30/10/2023 10:02

He's a shit doctor and sounds like he's a misogynist. You'd already been diagnosed- by someone a lot more competent than him - and he was being a dick.

You should definitely complain about him, he couldn't do the most basic bit of his job ' renew a prescription.

And I've hurt my back before with a bend a twist movement- it was incredibly sore, and my GP said it was very common.

Gcsunnyside23 · 30/10/2023 10:56

Docs like him are why woman never get the care they need. Definitely ask for a new doctor and then when you have new plan etc make a complaint