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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by GP comment?

280 replies

Macadamia1976 · 28/10/2023 08:04

I have severely injured my lower back. I'm in agony and can't move without pain.
I bent down, lifted a heavy double buggy up from the ground, twisted round whilst bending over to lift it into the boot of my car then overstretched to position it in properly. I did this really quickly and something snapped in my lower back and I suddenly felt searing agony.
After initial urgent care treatment and being diagnosed with a torn ligament, I had a follow up with GP for pain management.
Never seen him before.
He was in his late 30s, maybe 40.
He said "I fail to see how lifting a buggy into the boot has caused this."
I said "Well I was told in hospital it was a combination of bending and twisting my lower back whilst lifting a heavy object. Plus I have an old injury in the same area of my back so I think maybe it was a weak area..."
He said "No, I think this is wrong. It's not possible to be in as much pain as you say you are in from putting a buggy into your car."
At this point I was confused by why he was challenging my injury. I was in pain, and was there for a pain relief medication review.
He said "It's because you need to lose weight."
I said "Pardon?"
He smiled for a few seconds, then said "Yes, you need to lose a stone from your tummy area, if you don't mind me saying" whilst really smiling. "Then your back pain will resolve. You have done this to yourself by eating too much and the stone in weight that sits on your tummy is putting a strain on your lower back. It wasn't lifting the buggy. I'll give you more painkillers but you need to get rid of that stone of weight on your tummy".
I didn't even realise he had even noticed my tummy.
I was wearing trousers and a top.
I am 5ft 7 and weigh 11 stone.
I wear size 12 to 14 clothes.
I've had 2 emergency c-sections so I admit I do have a tummy overhang, but I hadn't thought of this as a problem, I just see it as a result of having emergency abdominal surgery 2 times to save my 2 DC's lives when they were born. I don't really think about it, I'm too busy looking after my DC and working hard in my job.
I was almost crying in pain during this appointment.
AIBU to be upset by his comments?
Or am I in so much pain that I'm feeling oversensitive.
(Edited typos)

OP posts:
Apossum · 28/10/2023 08:33

What an absolute twat. Complain about him, he was out of line and completely wrong to boot! Some doctors are very good indeed at blaming weight for absolutely everything.

booksandbrooks · 28/10/2023 08:39

Please make a complaint about him. Practice manager / pals (the patient liaison service.)

I was treated appallingly by a GP I didn't know, who was meant to seeing me about something else but then started questioning me another another referral on my record, saying I should just cope.

I didn't complain at the time but the practise manager rang me later to do with my referral and I needed up telling her and she was appalled and so amazing and said she'd follow up with him whilst helping me.

whattodo22222 · 28/10/2023 08:40

He's an arsehole and I believe you about how your injury came about. One thing I will say about pregnancy and c sections, having had one myself, is that your abdominal muscles might be shot to pieces. This contributes to the overhang and more importantly makes you more vulnerable to back injuries. Its worth seeing a women's pelvic health physio if you can.

Topjoe19 · 28/10/2023 08:40

Bet he's never lifted a double buggy into a car boot in his life! They are heavy & especially when awkwardly twisting to put it in. Doing it several times per day plus constantly lifting/carrying babies. It's no wonder you've got a bad back. I've got back problems from x2 pregnancies & v weak core. If only we had specialist physios as part of nhs post partum care, I'm sure it would pay off in terms of preventing future health issues! Hope you feel better soon

Gardeningtime · 28/10/2023 08:41

I had this, I was about the same weight, a size 12, I went to the docs for something routine and unrelated, and just as I was finishing up and about to leave, he suddenly said to me, you really should get that extra weight that you’re carrying off.

i was genuinely astounded it literally came out of no where. He was close to retirement age, and he had a junior trainee doctor sitting In with him. She looked aghast, her mouth fell open and she just stared at him, then she looked at me and we made eye contact. But she said nothing.

i felt really embarrassed, and didn’t actually consider myself overweight, I wasn’t there for weight, and he didn’t even weigh me, I’m also quite tall at 5ft 8. I just sat there like a fool, stared at him for a few seconds, and then stuttered ok and thanked him and left.

Qualifying as a doctor doesn’t mean you aren’t some weirdo with issues.

Iloveshoes123 · 28/10/2023 08:42

He's an arsehole, make a complaint. I'm 10 stone overweight and i don't have back pain!

Addicted2Sugar · 28/10/2023 08:45

How odd of him and hopefully you have moved on from his words (other than being fucking livid).
I had a knee issue years ago and saw a GP at the practice he said well you can start by losing half a stone and I'll sort some physio for you. I mentioned it to him years later and he was absolutely mortified. He kept saying I can't believe I said that to you, I am so sorry 😂
Ha, if he was to have the same conversation with me now he would probably times it by 5.
Seriously though, see someone else and if you are offered an appointment with him again definitely explain why you don't want to see him.

Kaisawheel · 28/10/2023 08:46

What an absolute twat. I know someone who did they to their back taking their turkey out of their oven on Christmas Day, so of course you can do it lifting a buggy!
You aren’t even overweight

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 28/10/2023 08:48

God, it's depressing how my doctors and other so called professionals talk out of their arse.

No you're not being unreasonable. He's wrong.

Panic71 · 28/10/2023 08:49

Have you been referred for physio?

CaputDraconis · 28/10/2023 08:50

I herniated a disc picking up my handbag, which weighs considerably less than a double buggy!

He's an idiot. Complain to practice manager and get an appointment with a different doctor.

FUPAgirl · 28/10/2023 08:50

What an absolute asshole!!!! Horrible. I always find that I only ever injure myself with really 'silly' accidents or movement, like the sorest I get is when I must sleep funny and wake up in agony. I power lift heavy shit and am fine, then sleep injures me haha.

Tho lifting a heavy buggy could have course injure your back if poor technique is used which is of course a given when in a rush with small children.

I would put in a compliant tbh and I never say that!

Autumnalvibesofmellowness · 28/10/2023 08:50

What a dick. Please make a complaint

Lurkylurks · 28/10/2023 08:51

Qualifying as a doctor doesn’t mean you aren’t some weirdo with issues.

Thank you @Gardeningtime. With that one sentence you have helped me reframe a few experiences with doctors that I tend to overthink.

MyCircumference · 28/10/2023 08:51

you got the painkillers though?

BlackFlyChardonnay · 28/10/2023 08:51

If you're 11 stone and 5'7", you're a healthy bmi! Your stomach may look larger due to having babies, but I imagine that will separated muscles (which incidentally will make you prone to hurting your back) and loose skin.

He needs to educate himself. I think you should write a letter of complaint. Don't be emotional, stick to the facts that you're not overweight according to the benchmark used by the NHS, bmi. Say you felt dismissed and not taken seriously. What an a-hole.

mycatsanutter · 28/10/2023 08:52

How bloody rude ! Definitely put a complaint in

FlamingoQueen · 28/10/2023 08:52

Ask to see another GP and put in a formal complaint.

35965a · 28/10/2023 08:53

He’s a thundercunt and yes you absolutely should complain. By his logic no skinny person could ever injure their backs…

FunkyMonks · 28/10/2023 08:53

Get a second opinion OP and put in a complaint against this Knob head.

I'm actually angry when physical pain is always blamed on a woman's weight or appearance.

I bet he wouldn't have dared to say that to a man.

Killingmytime · 28/10/2023 08:53

Complain.
i wish i had years ago.
ive just pulled mine out again reaching for my work mouse!
i also breathed wrong.

SadnessIs · 28/10/2023 08:53

He was very unpleasant. It’s probably much more likely that your core muscles are weak and your lifting technique was poor so it’s absolutely possible for anyone of any weight to sustain such an injury in those circumstances. He should have offered a physio referral .
hope you are on the mend soon x

35965a · 28/10/2023 08:54

Also this reminded my of the time my dad put his back out majorly due to a cough.

Groovee · 28/10/2023 08:54

I would complain. It's possible to be in lots of pain from your back. I currently am from falling off the sofa.

VeridicalVagabond · 28/10/2023 08:54

Some doctors will find any reason to doubt women's pain. I had a back injury caused by a horse rearing and falling back onto me, it took over a year to be fully mobile again, and I still had some pompous moron GP tell me it wasn't the fucking half tonne animal falling on top of me that caused my pain but the extra 20lbs I was carrying (because I'd been bedbound and unable to exercise properly for 6 months).

He's a cunt. Complain to the practice manager and request a new doctor, we need to wheedle these old-fashioned misogynist arseholes out of medicine.

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