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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Back with ex. I'm sick. No sign of him..

101 replies

itsalogbasket · 25/10/2023 21:25

AIBU to think he could have driven 1.5 hrs to see me and
Look after me ? He has no commitments in the evening bar Netflix ...
I've always been there for him and ironically this is why we split up many moons ago.
Now to be fair , it's a chest infection . I'm not dying but could have done with some TLC.
Thoughts ...

OP posts:
Resilience · 25/10/2023 21:26

Sorry you're sick. Hope you feel better soon.

My thoughts are: there's a reason he's an ex.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/10/2023 21:26

He's still the same man you broke up with before. Why would you expect different behaviour?

GrazingSheep · 25/10/2023 21:28

Why are you back with him? Is it worse being single than being with a man who doesn’t care about you?

KateyCuckoo · 25/10/2023 21:28

Why 1.5hrs away? I mean if he has work tomorrow I can see why he wouldn't.... context is everything.

Doggymummar · 25/10/2023 21:29

I wouldn't drive 90 mins to wait on someone, so imwouldnt expect anyone to do it for me

SweetFemaleAttitude · 25/10/2023 21:29

The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Busephalus · 25/10/2023 21:29

1.5 hours is a long way to drive

PaminaMozart · 25/10/2023 21:32

Sorry but you sound a bit needy. 1.5 hours to get to you, another 1.5 hours to get back. That’s quite a time commitment. Maybe he had other plans/stuff that needed doing?

Having said that, he seems very hands off with regard to the relationship. Dud he call, FaceTime, provide a bit of emotional support?

In what way are you back together? I guess there is a bit of a backstory?

BravoMyDear · 25/10/2023 21:32

“Back with ex”

YABVU

Original poster
itsalogbasket · 25/10/2023 21:32

He has work tomorrow ... at nine am. He finished at five pm.
The argument will be that I didn't ask .
My argument is that I shouldn't have to .
We have a strong history where I dropped everything to mind him .

OP posts:
Primecut · 25/10/2023 21:33

You are unreasonable to expect him to drive for 90 minutes if you aren’t feeling that bad. I really hope you didn’t get back together just to get back at him.
I really hope that your infection clears up soon and that you will be better.

Humidititties · 25/10/2023 21:33

Mind him? Is he a child?

Nicknacky · 25/10/2023 21:34

Not a chance would I expect someone to drive that distance when they have just finished work and are working in the morning. I wouldn’t even think of asking in theses circumstances

Sorchamarie · 25/10/2023 21:34

"He's still the same man you broke up with before. Why would you expect different behaviour?"

This. There's clearly a lot of background here of you not feeling like he is putting in the same effort as you do, and showing that he cares. The most obvious answer is that he really doesn't care about you enough for you to feel satisfied in this relationship. Is it really worth continuing with someone who makes you feel like this?

buckingmad · 25/10/2023 21:34

I would neither expect someone to drive 90 mins to me when they have work the next day nor would I want to do that for someone else unless they were really very poorly or maybe had a child they could do with someone watching/feeding/putting to bed for them.

Dacadactyl · 25/10/2023 21:34

He is who he is. He hasn't changed. If it's important to you for a man to drop everything, then it doesn't matter if we think YABU. If it's important to you, then you need to find a man who will treat you that way.

NeedToKnow101 · 25/10/2023 21:34

Sorry but expecting him to drive 3 hours there and back to see you just because you have a throat infection is ridiculous. Surely if you're poorly you just want an early night and to sleep?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 25/10/2023 21:35

Yabu. No way would I drive 3 hours to look after another adult unless they were seriously ill. There isn't much he can do that you can't do yourself, and if it was me, I'd prefer him to just stay at home rather than drive in the dark and end up knackered just to make me a hot drink and get me some painkillers

TeaKitten · 25/10/2023 21:36

3 hours of driving with work tomorrow, having worked today, to basically watch you sleep. You are an adult with a winter illness, and it’s a long distance relationship. YABU

ConsuelaHammock · 25/10/2023 21:39

itsalogbasket · 25/10/2023 21:32

He has work tomorrow ... at nine am. He finished at five pm.
The argument will be that I didn't ask .
My argument is that I shouldn't have to .
We have a strong history where I dropped everything to mind him .

He’s not you! If you want someone who is like you then he’s the wrong guy. Don’t be so needy. It’s very off putting!

Original poster
itsalogbasket · 25/10/2023 21:41

Yet when he was unwell I dropped everything ... I thought it was how we were . I have small kids . He knows I could have done with a little support and kindness . Very unbalanced as I see it now . Needy or not , this is how we behaved the last time .
Me running g to help.
Him full of words with zero action.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 25/10/2023 21:43

itsalogbasket · 25/10/2023 21:32

He has work tomorrow ... at nine am. He finished at five pm.
The argument will be that I didn't ask .
My argument is that I shouldn't have to .
We have a strong history where I dropped everything to mind him .

You're irritated with him because he's not a mind-reader and he doesn't appreciate the fact that you've been a doormat for years on end.

Just throw in the towel already.

MissingMoominMamma · 25/10/2023 21:44

When was he unwell? What was wrong with him?

Chest infections are contagious- DH is avoiding me with one and we live in the same house!

Aquamarine1029 · 25/10/2023 21:45

itsalogbasket · 25/10/2023 21:41

Yet when he was unwell I dropped everything ... I thought it was how we were . I have small kids . He knows I could have done with a little support and kindness . Very unbalanced as I see it now . Needy or not , this is how we behaved the last time .
Me running g to help.
Him full of words with zero action.

Then why get back together with him? Come on now. Stop being your own worst enemy and face reality. This relationship is never going to work.

TheShellBeach · 25/10/2023 21:46

itsalogbasket · 25/10/2023 21:41

Yet when he was unwell I dropped everything ... I thought it was how we were . I have small kids . He knows I could have done with a little support and kindness . Very unbalanced as I see it now . Needy or not , this is how we behaved the last time .
Me running g to help.
Him full of words with zero action.

Oh dear, OP. He hasn't changed.
Maybe it's time you split up for good as your expectations and his actions are mismatched.

I hope you feel better soon. It sounds like you're much nicer to him than he is to you.