Back with ex. I'm sick. No sign of him..

[itsalogbasket]

AIBU to think he could have driven 1.5 hrs to see me and
Look after me ? He has no commitments in the evening bar Netflix ...
I've always been there for him and ironically this is why we split up many moons ago.
Now to be fair , it's a chest infection . I'm not dying but could have done with some TLC.
Thoughts ...

As op said he is an ex for a reason.

However, in this situation yabu.

You haven’t asked for help
You have a mild illness
he has work tomorrow and 3 hours of driving is alot.

The fact that you dropped everything when he had a mild illness and either, dropped you kids or bundled them into the car so you could look after a mildly I’ll grown up is weird and you have odd boundaries.

How small are the kids and are they his kids?

I also wouldn't dive a three hour round trip to help someone who was a bit Ill more probably if he came straight from work in rush hour traffic. The small kids would be going to bed by the time he got there anyway.

You sing and rub their chest with Vicks....

Time to make him an ex again.

I think you are being unreasonable, he wouldn't get to you until 7pm and then he needs some dinner. I wouldn't want to be driving home late when I have work the next day so the most he will spend with you is 45-1hr. Feels a bit pointless to me.

I think its stupid to expect anyone to do a three hour round trip because you have a cold. Take some lemsip.

I wouldn't want nor expect anyone near me with a chest infection, better not to pass bugs on unnecessarily. I thought people understood that better since covid, maybe not.

Are the children his? Why is he living away from the family if you are "back together", isn't it more significant that he isn't seeing the children when he could? If they aren't his, then I'm not sure why you want to bring him into their lives when they are only little, you risk creating a lot of confusion.

No way would I expect someone to drive 1.5 hours to see me if I had a chest infection, I’d fear them getting it. If he’d stayed over you risk Keeping him up all night coughing, and how would that be fair not him? Plus you didn’t even ask him!

He was an ex for a reason, if this relationship is not working for you then there’s no point, just break up with him again.
On the issue of being ill and him not showing up, there’s no way I’ll personally drive 3 hours round trip after work just to spend maybe an hour with another able bodied adult that has a seasonal Illness. If it was life threatening for example then yes. I mean, you shouldn’t be doing that either especially when it means you’ll have to involve your kids one way or the other.

Thanks everyone. Seems the overwhelming opinion is that I was unreasonable.
I wanted someone to look after me for a while. I felt ghastly. My temperature was up and down and vomiting while coughing just made me feel horrendous amd a bit nervous as I was groggy.
My kids are not his. They are from my previous marriage.
Thanks everyone. Appreciate the opinions. Have a good day.

You're being needy.

There's a reason you're his ex.

I definitely do get needy when I'm sick

Sorry you are ill.

Just move on. There's a reason he's your ex.

I think he was being sensible really. It's a long way to drive when he's got work. It's probably sensible that he doesn't catch it too. You sound quite needy as you are just feeling uugh because of the infection. Have a warm honey and lemon and take yourself off to bed with a glass of water for lots of rest.

Overall you see.these things differently and that's unlikely to change.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so poorly but he needs to stay away from you if you are ill, else he will catch it too.

In a few days you’ll feel better and then you can reevaluate the relationship.

I'm sorry you're unwell but it's really unfair to expect him to drive a three hour round trip to come and look after you.

If he gets sick he'll need to take time off work too and chest infections can be very contagious.

I think neither of ye are being unreasonable really. My dh would think it was nutty to drive 3 hours return to watch me sleep but that's something you require from a partner. You're entitled to want what you want . It definitely sounds though that it's not compatible with long distance though so ye should end it .

If your kids are little and not his, why are they meeting him? Especially when it's such a precarious relationship, it's much better to keep it to yourself for now.

@GRex This response bears no relevance to my post nor is it anyone's business, however well meaning you may think you are being.
Our relationship ended for exceptional reasons and my children were unscathed as we have always remained close.
We are now in a position to be together again , practically, hence my post.

Crack on then.

Women who need a man in their lives, no matter how shit they are, always claim their children are ‘unscathed’.

You've split from the children's father.
You've split from the ex "moons ago" yet the kids are "little".
Now you've fetched the ex back into their lives again.
Next you are considering binning him for spurious reasons.
You'll do as you please, but it's worth taking a beat to think about why your children need to be mixed up in this when it clearly isn't a serious relationship for either of you.

Our relationship ended for exceptional reasons and my children were unscathed as we have always remained close.

Do they ‘adore’ him??

When he’s got work and it’s 1.5hrs (each way? Even if not, still not close) - so you are the unreasonable one

Yes YBVU. You want him to drive 1.5 hours to babysit you? Mental.

Sorry, but if you're that ill you'd be in bed? Wouldn't it be better for him to wait til you're better?

I wouldn't expect someone to make a three hour round trip unless I was bed-ridden, not even able to get up to feed myself. I certainly wouldn't expect anyone to come when I hadn't even asked them to.