Back with ex. I'm sick. No sign of him..

[itsalogbasket]

AIBU to think he could have driven 1.5 hrs to see me and
Look after me ? He has no commitments in the evening bar Netflix ...
I've always been there for him and ironically this is why we split up many moons ago.
Now to be fair , it's a chest infection . I'm not dying but could have done with some TLC.
Thoughts ...

Your question is your answer. YABU, the decision you made to drop everything (including your young children, if I read correctly) was on you. You split for a reason, you don’t think he values you, but you seem to overvalue him

He has work in the morning... leaving work at 5, at yours at 6:30. an hour or two with you, 7:30 to 8:30. Drive back to be home at 9 -10pm-ish. Spend 3 hrs driving when he should be relaxing. No fucking way.

I think you are being unreasonable.

Unless I was completely incapacitated I would be mortified if someone drove 1.5 hours to “look after” me. And if they got stroppy with me because I wouldn’t drive to them in that situation, I’d be rethinking the relationship. You are being very needy OP, and you will only be happy if you find someone similar, who understands and mirrors your needs.

I’d never drive 1.5 hours to ‘look after’ another adult unless they were dying, or unable to move independently. It would just never occur to me to offer. I don’t know anyone who would do that or expect it to be done for them. If you dropped everything to look after your ex, that was your choice. For all we know he might have found it weird and intrusive (I certainly would). Sounds like you are not compatible.

When I'm sick I don't want to see anyone I just want to sleep it off.

This is how it was last time

Why'd you get back with him then? 😟

FGS you have a throat infection, you're not bloody well dying and it's ridiculous to expect anyone to drive 3 hours when they have work at 9am next day for such a trivial illness.

You dropped everything for him when he was ill - if he asked you to then more fool you. If you did it off your own bat - even bigger fool you.

Maybe he's a prick, but you sound like hard work and high maintenance

this is meant kindly @itsalogbasket but your dropping everything for him previously is the red flag here.

it’s often a sign of someone who needs to be needed or worse, at the centre getting praise and attention, rather than someone who can genuinely empathise.

Well when I had small kids I doubt I would have ‘dropped everything’ for an adult man who was ‘unwell’. Unless it was a serious emergency if he was in a terrible helpless state. Check in, send a little treat or a thermometer via Amazon, go over at the weekend.

If you need help: ask.

Are they his DC?

Are the children his? I’m guessing they are as it would be a bit odd otherwise to get back with an ex after having young DC with someone else so guessing he is the father?

This right here

More fool you.

I love my husband more than anything in the world and I wouldn't be doing a 3 hour round trip on a work night to nurse him through a cough, and I wouldn't expect him to do that for me.

Neediness and martyrdom are not actually good qualities to have in a relationship, generally speaking. You setting yourself on fire to keep him warm is not a positive thing.

Why are you telling us? Tell this to him in your breakup text. Stay single and work on yourself for a bit. Feel better.

Him full of words with zero action.

You knew this. That's why he was an ex. Although, to be fair, I wouldn't drive that far either unless it was an emergency with my close family.

I avoid people who are sick with chest infections as I don’t want to catch it
with the context of him working in the morning as well and you not asking, yabu
You sound like you over give and now resent it

But get well soon!

Post makes no sense but get over it. You knew he was trash which is why he is an ex

He is showing you who he is, are you going to listen to him?

I’m sick but wouldn’t dream of expecting my OH to drive 35 mins to listen to me coughing and sneezing. Besides I don’t want him to get my germs!

Idk what he’s like in other ways. However, he isn’t you. I have to ask my dh. Me, I just am there. In my case, it’s not because he doesn’t care. It’s just how his mind works.

You want someone to drive 3 hours to look after you because you have a chest infection? Really? What do you expect him to do? Make you a Lemsip? No, of course I wouldn’t expect or even want that.

Getting back with an ex is almost always a bad idea.

But his “failure” to drive 90 minutes to look after you in these circumstances is not remotely unreasonable. That is not a “normal” expectation by any means.

Hope you are better soon.

Just seen you have young children. If he is their father that’s very different. He should be dropping everything to come snd look after them if you are unwell.

If, however, he isn’t their father that makes the fact you stopped everything to go to him in similar circumstances even more inexplicable and suggests you don’t have enough boundaries in this relationship and your priorities are wrong.

It is hard to be poorly with young children. Concentrate on yourself and on getting better.