To call the smallest bedroom the box room ??

[WouldyouThink]

Because SIL has had a huge rant at me that I’m wrong to do so ??!!

I have a 4 bed house , The smallest room has a king size bed, wardrobe and 2 slim chest of drawers. We had been having a conversation and she said how they struggle for space I said ‘same for us especially with having the box room as our bedroom!’ Her face just froze and she told me I’m ‘entitled’ that they have a 3 bed where their smallest only fits a single bed and bedside cabinet in and how I’m privileged and she thought I’d be more aware and sensitive to others situations and not making out Im struggling for space too!!

I call it the box room but am I meant to say the smallest bedroom? I thought box room just meant smallest really ? She’s told dh in a text that she just can’t deal with us at the moment when they are struggling and we are competing ???

This is something I have had to learn the hard way.
I always thought that if I could contribute my own struggles to a ‘shared’ problem it was a great way to bond with someone. Apparently not!!
I have to work hard at hearing them rather than, honestly, just being pleased that I have something I can actually add to the conversation. I have come to understand this isn't a great way to respond to someone else’s stresses though, but often don’t realise I have done it till it is too late.

Both - I was trying to have a conversation but also we do struggle for space, 2 of the dc also have asd like me one also adhd and they are hoarders ! So we just have lots of stuff which we can’t get rid of and with 7 people it’s just hectic. It’s not a big 4 bed, the bedrooms are good sizes but it’s not as if we have extra rooms or any good storage space really so it does feel to us like we are struggling a bit

I can see how it would wind someone up. It’s not a friggin box room 🙄😂

Insensitive the way she used it.

I have been known to say our house is more like 2.5 beds though because DD2's room is so small. We had to get a joiner friend of DHs to make a bed for the room because it was just that little bit too small to buy one from a shop. Even the smallest were a cm or 2 too big.

My box room fits a king size bed it’s still a small room.

YANBU.

Its not your fault you have a bigger house she’s being sensitive, you should be able to have a normal conversation without offending someone

But in that case, you could have a mansion and still struggle. No house will be big enough for you. So it's really not the same situation!
Of course a whole house of ND people must be hard but you'll eventually have to do something about it or you will run out of space.
Most NT people don't have extra rooms solely for their stuff and storage space - again, people usually make their own and organise their stuff.
You have ASD so maybe it's hard to understand this but while neither you nor your SIL are 'wrong' I can see why she's hurt.
Next time, when people complain... just say 'oh dear that must be hard' and let them carry on talking. No need to add your own stuff.

I get that all this is hard, I generally don't try to contribute to convos I just let other people talk.

Tbh I wouldnt necessarily refer to it as a small room in any context even if it is the smallest bedroom if you have a kingsize bed wardrobe and 2 chest of drawers in it, sounds like a good size double ( and defintely not a box room!) Why dont you just say my bedroom or if wanting to say how many bedrooms just say 4 and if necessary say they are all doubles. Honestly i wouldnt describe a room that size as the "smallest" room (and defintely not a box room) I can see why it upset your sil if she is struggling for space.

This is a common autistic trait .... showing empathy by saying "yes! I understand you, I have / have had the same problem! Let me tell you about it so you know I understand your problem"

Whereas what neurotypicals expect from empathy is "oh poor you, that must be so awful. Tell me all about it whilst I stay quiet and nod so you know I understand your problem".

Ha ha love your definition of a box room. I grew up with the shitty box room (bloody cold and tint). I had a single bed, small wardrobe and a little desk and with that furniture there was barely space to turn around. It also had the stair bulkhead taking up a bit of space (that had been built into a cupboard so had pretty good storage as we put some wardrobe style rails in.

@WouldyouThink

Does your SIL know you have ASD?
is she usually a sensitive, kick off wuickly kind of person.

What you said was incorrect & insensitive, but from someone struggling with ASD it's not a big deal.

she would fall apart in any of my wider family meet ups.

What alot of fuss over nothing.

Yes as PPs have said, a bedroom is only considered a box room if it can not fit a double bed. I believe the origin came from stately homes where such rooms would be used to keep luggage so they literally were box rooms.

I dont understand why you and your hubby are in the smallest bedroom??? do you have a heap of kids?

A box room doesn’t fit a king sized bed in!!

I'd freak her out, I call the cupboard under the stairs The Glory Hole, just like my Grandma did 😀

Yeah, I'm definitely with SIL.

I can’t imagine a world where this sort of conversation happens.

Your SIL is correct. Box room means very small bedroom

Don’t think her reaction was the best to be fair, it’s just a misunderstanding no need for her to rang. A simple explanation would have been much better.

A box room is usually one that is just big enough to fit a bed and not much else.

I recently joked with my mum’s estate agent that her smallest bedroom (13ft x11ft) is a box room. He laughed and said it’s bigger than his primary bedroom (apparently not allowed to say master bedroom anymore🙄)

"The smallest room has a king size bed, wardrobe and 2 slim chest of drawers"

😅😅😅 I slept in the box room as a child; it fitted a single bed and a chest of drawers, rammed hard against the side of the bed. Wardrobe? What's that? I had the fukkin' airing cupboard hard against the end of my bed!

The smallest room has a king size bed, wardrobe and 2 slim chest of drawers.

Neither of my bedrooms would accommodate that amount of furniture.

Your "box" room sounds huge. I don't wonder the red mist came down for your SiL.

I have a friend that refers to one of their cars (a brand new Mini Cooper) as the ‘little station car’, ie her husband uses it only to drive to the station when it’s raining. As someone who has the same make and model, and it was not cheap, I feel somewhat patronised.

I can imagine the ‘box room’, is the same sort of thing. I still wouldn’t mention it though.

I could get a king size bed in DS's box room... if we took the radiator out and removed the door. There would be no functional floor space left over. We had to custom build a bed to fit it in and make effective use of the space. It is furnished with a bed and small wardrobe with doors arranged so that you can move around them without being too obstructed.

A box room is a small room that can just about function as a single bedroom with minimal furniture or smaller.

Her reaction was OTT though. It's a daft topic to get overly irate about.

A box room is traditionally a very small room used for storage. It doesn’t just mean a small bedroom. Your SIL is right.

When I slept in the box room, my wardrobe had to go on the landing. You really do sound incredibly clueless and entitled OP.