To call the smallest bedroom the box room ??

[WouldyouThink]

Because SIL has had a huge rant at me that I’m wrong to do so ??!!

I have a 4 bed house , The smallest room has a king size bed, wardrobe and 2 slim chest of drawers. We had been having a conversation and she said how they struggle for space I said ‘same for us especially with having the box room as our bedroom!’ Her face just froze and she told me I’m ‘entitled’ that they have a 3 bed where their smallest only fits a single bed and bedside cabinet in and how I’m privileged and she thought I’d be more aware and sensitive to others situations and not making out Im struggling for space too!!

I call it the box room but am I meant to say the smallest bedroom? I thought box room just meant smallest really ? She’s told dh in a text that she just can’t deal with us at the moment when they are struggling and we are competing ???

A box room in a working class house of more than one child is Def a bedroom. Ours currently has 3 yo twins in it. And yes, it's a box room. DS needs a new bed because when he swaps soon, his single bed won't fit (needs a slimmer frame). He'll be in it until he moves out.

DM always calls her smallest bedroom the box room, if she were to put it up for sale she wouldn’t refer to it as a box room. It’s just a turn of phrase…
Your sil did overreact though, sounds like she was a bit snappy.
Sounds like she thinks she struggles more than you do perhaps.

I am with your sil

a box room id a room that basically has a single bed and perhaps a chest of drawers

your bedroom is just that a bedroom. And tbh us probably the same size as sil main bedroom if you can get s long size bed in

you owe her an apology for being insensitive and entitled

This is like when my SIL kept complaining whilst they were renting (so they could have some completely unnecessary extensions to their gigantic house) that they were having to live in a '2 and a half bedroom house' because 'the third bedroom can hardly be considered a bedroom'. I pointed out to our husband that she was describing our house! I think she and got so used to having her rant with others who maybe have a similar set up to them, she hadn't realised she was basically complaining it was inhumane to have to live in a house very much like ours. Ditto, my DHs brother when he phoned to complain about how expensive the work they were having done was. It cost more than our whole house!

YABVU. A box room is tiny and also has no window.

Yes you were very insensitive.

I have a 3 bed house and the smallest room can't fit a double bed in but I'd never refer to it as a box room to my friend who also has a 3 bed house, but her box room won't fit anything bigger than a small cot.

Did you read that OP rents from the local authority, and SIL owns a mortgage free home?

Yep same as our box room. We sawed the legs off one end of a midi sleeper bed to go on the box otherwise a single bed would not fit.

In our house, the kids have flown the nest, but come back to stay over, it's Our room, Adam's room, Barbara's room, Catherine's room and always has been. Dead easy!

I did miss that bit, but I maintain my suspicion that this isn't the first time sil has moaned and op has turned it around to how hard her life is in "preferable" circs.

You're still completely clueless, aren't you? Making it sound like it's a small room when it fits a king size bed and a load of furniture! Again trying to rub it into your SIL's face!

I would imagine that your sil isn’t so much bothered about your ‘box room’ terminology, but more about the fact that she was trying to tell you that she was struggling and rather than hearing her you instead focused on your own struggles (which are not even close to her struggles in terms of room sizes that you have to deal with compared to her).

I would say from this post that you still haven’t really heard where your sil is coming from if all you can focus on is whether the terminology you used was correct, rather than asking if you could have responded in a way that listened and supported your sil.

The pile on is not needed. @WouldyouThink has explained it’s a misunderstanding of the term ‘box room’
She now needs to work on making things better with her sil

Any room that fits a wardrobe, a chest of drawers and a king-size bed isn’t a box room ffs. ‘Box room’ doesn’t mean ‘the smallest bedroom’. It means ‘a very small bedroom intended for a single bed and very little else’. If your smallest bedroom is big enough for what you describe, it isn’t a box room. It’s a pretty decent-sized bedroom. So yes, although you didn’t mean to sound entitled and spoilt, that’s certainly how it would come across.

My childhood bedroom was a box room. It’s not big enough for a double bed. I slept on a single cabin bed with storage and a mini desk underneath it and my dad built bookshelves above it. There wasn’t room for a wardrobe or anything.

But it is our smallest room ? That’s not clueless or insensitive that’s a fact. Now that I know ‘box room’ isn’t another term for the smallest room I will just say ‘smallest room’ if I ever need to mention it (which i probably won’t as it’s not something I talk about often anyway it was only as SIL was talking about her house and I was trying to listen and have a conversation but I said the wrong thing)

A box room that fits a king size bed hmmmm??? Clue is in the name! A box room is a small room and feels like a box due to its small size.

I always thought a box room was those little bedrooms that had the ‘box’ in to create headspace over the stairs!

Sorry I do tend to focus on details and things (I have ASD) so that also probably hasn’t helped SIL as I probably sound insensitive when I don’t mean to be but every time I have a conversation (with anyone) I have a voice in my head saying at the same time ‘remember eye contact!’ , ‘say something similar to make it seem like you are listening’ , etc etc 🤦‍♀️😂

I think partly it’s as growing up dm said box room but also our smallest room is a square so I think that cemented the term ‘box room’ even more for me !!

Christ, the BIGGEST bedroom in ours doesn't fit a king size bed.

Sorry about the pile on you're getting OP. I hope you're not taking it too personally. You clearly didn't mean to upset your sister-in-law. I hope you can sort things out with her (although her reaction to this was not great, I have to say).

I don’t think it was intentional but I can see why she’s pissed off

My grandparents called their 4th room a box room but all you could get in it was a single bed and a chest of drawers- I think that’s what box room means I.e. a room that was once used to store boxes and trunks. My grandpa was very offended by someone who called it a junk room !

OP regardless of the box room definition if your 'smallest' room is big enough for a king size and various other pieces of furniture... then the rest must be massive! No wonder your SIL is pissed off.
You are not struggling for space.
Were you just trying to keep conversation flowing by 'commiserating'?
Or did you genuinely think you were struggling for space?

@WouldyouThink

'But it is our smallest room ? That’s not clueless or insensitive that’s a fact. Now that I know ‘box room’ isn’t another term for the smallest room I will just say ‘smallest room’ if I ever need to mention it'

Why not just refer to it as our/my room? Our smallest room, despite her moving out 3 years ago' is still referred to as DD1's room 🤷🏼‍♀️