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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grown ups don't have 'best friends'

106 replies

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 25/10/2023 14:47

I have a friend who constantly refers to her 'best friend' and every time she does it I feel like she reminding me of where I am in the heirarchy, i.e. middling to bottom. AIBU that grown ups don't have 'best friends' and if they do they don't refer to them as such when they are with other, not so best friends?? It's really annoying me and not sure if IABU

OP posts:
ForfarBridie · 25/10/2023 15:45

I have a best friend. We’ve seen each other through the worst life has to offer whilst also being beside each other for the best of times also. We’ve been friends for over 40 years and although she now lives an 8 hour flight away it hasn’t changed our relationship at. Not that I would ever describe her as my best friend. It’s very hurtful to others. But we know what we are to each other and there’s no need to say anything else.

Lastchancechica · 25/10/2023 15:45

DontListenToWhatYouveConsumed · 25/10/2023 15:36

I definitely have a best mate. We've known each other most of our lives.
I'm struggling with the fact she's dying. We were supposed to grow really old together and cause mischief in the old peeps home .

I am so sorry. Such a painful situation. 💐💐

Original poster
BlackWhiteWhatNow · 25/10/2023 15:56

I didn't emphasise quite as much as I should have done in my OP that I am objecting mostly to the fact that she refers to 'best friend' when in the company of, according to her, very good friends. It make me feel like she doesn't actually like us all that much.

She will then constantly ask me to confirm that she and I are very good friends and that we will be friends forever etc, which I find cringe.

OP posts:
tattygrl · 25/10/2023 16:01

DontListenToWhatYouveConsumed · 25/10/2023 15:36

I definitely have a best mate. We've known each other most of our lives.
I'm struggling with the fact she's dying. We were supposed to grow really old together and cause mischief in the old peeps home .

I'm so sorry for what you are both going through. I lost my best friend in traumatic circumstances. Sending you solidarity and love.

VeridicalVagabond · 25/10/2023 16:02

I'm an adult and I have very definite best friend, and everyone knows it. None of my other friends care because they get it, they've hung out with us together, there's a running joke that we were separated at birth. We've been joined at the hip since we were three and he's been by my side through absolutely everything. Of course he's my bestie. Doesn't mean I love my other friends any less, or don't care about them, or have a mental MySpace Top 10 Friends list and constantly shift them around on it depending on how well they behave.

Newgirls · 25/10/2023 16:05

It’s weird saying in front of others - I wonder if she felt a bit vulnerable at primary school?!

I have a few best friends in various parts of my life - seems a good strategy rather than rely on one

uncroissantsilvousplait · 25/10/2023 16:09

Of course adults have best friends.

How they use the expression depends on the context, it can be irritating, or they just talk factually. People have a or several "besties", so what.

YourDiscoNeedsYou · 25/10/2023 16:13

Ooo actually yeah! I agree OP. It’s a bit childish to make a friend hierarchy and put one above another. It’s the sort of thing primary kids do. I can imagine people having a best friend, but it’s not cool to go round telling all the other friends they’re second or third best. And, after 50 years on this earth, I couldn’t pick a best friend. I’ve got friends who I’ve known for 45 years friends who I’ve known for 20 years, friends who were there while we had kids together, friends I’ve grown close to in just a few years. I wouldn’t be able to put them in order.

Conkersinautumn · 25/10/2023 16:15

I've never had one. I do think it's unusual to heR adults talking about "best" friends.

Mydogmybestfriend · 25/10/2023 16:18

Good friend

RedPony1 · 25/10/2023 16:30

I have a best friend, and everyone know who she is

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 25/10/2023 17:13

DontListenToWhatYouveConsumed · 25/10/2023 15:36

I definitely have a best mate. We've known each other most of our lives.
I'm struggling with the fact she's dying. We were supposed to grow really old together and cause mischief in the old peeps home .

I'm sorry . So very difficult Flowers

AnaisMae · 25/10/2023 18:33

I have a best friend, and her best friend is not me it's someone else. But that's fine, I'm ok with that because I understand we all have different places in each others lives.

Almostchristmas2023 · 25/10/2023 19:02

I find even referring to someone as my friend a bit cringey tbh.

coveredindoghairs · 25/10/2023 19:20

I think adults can have best friends. However, it's very impolite to refer to one friend as 'best' when speaking to another friend! I wouldn't appreciate that, unless we were mere acquaintances or casual friends through work or similar.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 25/10/2023 19:22

My bestie has been my bestie all mu life, our mums were friends when they were pregnant don't care who knows - and if it sounds childish, oh well! She is a constant in my life and l am closer to her than my own sister. Nobody else comes close although l do have ither very good friends

JustAMinutePleass · 25/10/2023 19:25

In my experience adults with ‘best friends’ who go on and on about them aren’t really friend material. Just drop her quietly and move on.

PinkBuffalo · 25/10/2023 19:28

I absolutely have a best friend as a adult!
he is the person I see the most
he is the person I message the most
we enjoy spending our time together with no pressures

if all my other friends were like that they would be my best friends as well 🙂

HamBone · 25/10/2023 19:30

I do have a best friend and view her as a sister, tbh, she’s the first person I’d call in a crisis. I’ve used the term BFF to described her on MN, but I say “close friend” in real life. I have other close friends from other times in my life though, and so does she. It doesn’t bother either of us in the slightest.

This friend of yours sounds insecure, OP. She’s being childish.

Gymmum82 · 25/10/2023 19:31

I have a bestie, a work bestie, a back home bestie, a couple of gym besties. They are just the ones I love more than regular mates and ones that would go the extra mile for me and vice versa. You can have more than one best friend

ShirleyPhallus · 25/10/2023 19:32

People who describe their spouse as their best friend really need to get some proper friends 🤣

SanDimasHighSchoolFootballRules · 25/10/2023 19:37

I have a best friend. She's been my best friend since we were 11 (now in our 40s). I never refer to her in that way, especially to other people but she's who I think of when the term comes up.

I love having her as my best friend, she's ace!

Melodysmum12 · 25/10/2023 19:38

Yeah it’s childish!

WhatAreYouAllAbout · 25/10/2023 19:38

I have a best friend.

It's probably the most important relationship in my life (apart from DC) and I've been happily married to DH for 20 years.

I have several other very close friends but the relationship I have with my best friend is more like family than friendship.

Darhon · 25/10/2023 19:41

I‘m about 2 years off racking up 50 years with my best friend. Lots of other friends but this one is rather special