Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s weird that ExH took his new gf and her DCs to visit his parents but not our DCs?

87 replies

PoeticJustice · 23/10/2023 13:49

ExH and I have been separated for about a year. We have 2 DC together. He’s been with his GF 6 months and she has 2 DCs of her own. He sees our DCs every other weekend.

Last weekend was supposed to be his, but he told me at the last minute that he couldn’t have them as he was going home for a family party, and taking his GF and her DCs with him.

I said he should prioritise taking his own DCs, firstly because it is supposed to be his weekend with them, and also they haven’t seen his side of the family since January. They would love to see their grandparents, cousins etc.

He said no, there isn’t enough room in the car. I suggested they get the train (which he has always done in the past as he doesn’t drive!), he said no because GF prefers to drive.

It turned into a bit of a row, culminating in me saying it’s weird to take his GFs DCs to visit his family (whom they are strangers to) over his own children. So, AIBU?

OP posts:
happylittlesloth · 23/10/2023 17:21

DaftQuestionForToday · 23/10/2023 16:21

I'd have definitely commented on her post.

'Yes, it's a shame your Grandchildren couldn't be there, they'd have loved to see you all. it's a pity 'Fred' couldn't be bothered to take them on the train. Or new Girlfriend's kids Dad couldn't have her children so x&y could come. They're going to need a bigger car as he can't just not see his kids on his weekend because they don't fit in the car!!

This is why I don't 'do' Facebook as I'd have to put things straight!!

If you're going to say something keep it classy. Like. " it was Fred's contact weekend - not sure why he cancelled sorry"

Almostchristmas2023 · 23/10/2023 17:58

He’s going to pull a lot more of this shit probably and the kids will find out who his priorities are. You need to step away and be the bigger person.

greyhairnomore · 23/10/2023 18:00

@PoeticJustice you should definitely message your ex mil.

Almostchristmas2023 · 23/10/2023 18:21

greyhairnomore · 23/10/2023 18:00

@PoeticJustice you should definitely message your ex mil.

I wouldn’t bother, she either has the measure of him and that’s who the message is directed at or he’s her blue eyed boy that can do no wrong.

Crumpleton · 23/10/2023 18:22

I too would be likely clarifying the situation with MIL and offering to facilitate contact myself in the absence of her son being willing to do it. Because I think it's the right thing for the children assuming there's no good reason to keep them apart.

While I agree that contact with the GP's is so important I'd hate to think that by the OP doing the facilitating the ex is thinking that's one less job for him.

The only thing I'm finding weird is his new GF quite happily letting the ex cancel his weekend with his DC inorder to take her and her DC to the family party.

LylaLee · 23/10/2023 18:33

Almostchristmas2023 · 23/10/2023 18:21

I wouldn’t bother, she either has the measure of him and that’s who the message is directed at or he’s her blue eyed boy that can do no wrong.

Show quote history

He might have lied saying op cancelled.

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/10/2023 18:38

PoeticJustice · 23/10/2023 14:16

He’s always been selfish, but become worse since we split. Or maybe I just see it more clearly now?

His family hadn’t met his GF/her kids before this so he was introducing them all at a big family event, which I also think is weird, it’s a lot of pressure for a first meeting especially for her kids who are quite young (both under 8).

ExMIL posted photos on social media and commented that it was a shame some of the grandkids couldn’t make it. I wanted to comment because I’m sure he told her I wouldn’t let them come, but I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to cause public drama!

I would have caused public drama.

She has the right to know it was her son's choice not to bring her grandchildren to see her.

Tinkerbyebye · 23/10/2023 18:54

I would just respond to mil post

i agree, it was xxx weekend for the kids and I did suggest he gets the train with them as normal and he refused. The kids would have loved to have seen you, leave it with you to discuss with xxx when he next has them and can come and visit

dump it back on him

WilmaWonka · 23/10/2023 18:57

Another one who would definitely post a response on Facebook.

MIL made a public comment, probably aimed at the OP who she may have been told refused to let her DC attend because the GF and her kids were going to be there, so I’d respond publicly back! She didn’t need to make that comment.

Such as ‘Yes, such a shame X and X (DC names) were told they couldn’t attend because your son said they couldn’t fit in his new girlfriends car with her children. They were quite upset they missed out on seeing their family, and their Dad as it was his weekend to see them, and you know he only has them every other weekend. Hopefully he’ll bring them to see you all soon xx

Thats not petty. It’s the truth and I’m a firm believer in telling it!

LadyEloise1 · 23/10/2023 19:38

GKD · 23/10/2023 14:21

I’d message XMIL and make it clear that DC not attending wasn’t my doing.

So would I.

happylittlesloth · 23/10/2023 19:41

WilmaWonka · 23/10/2023 18:57

Another one who would definitely post a response on Facebook.

MIL made a public comment, probably aimed at the OP who she may have been told refused to let her DC attend because the GF and her kids were going to be there, so I’d respond publicly back! She didn’t need to make that comment.

Such as ‘Yes, such a shame X and X (DC names) were told they couldn’t attend because your son said they couldn’t fit in his new girlfriends car with her children. They were quite upset they missed out on seeing their family, and their Dad as it was his weekend to see them, and you know he only has them every other weekend. Hopefully he’ll bring them to see you all soon xx

Thats not petty. It’s the truth and I’m a firm believer in telling it!

Edited

No, again, that just makes OP come across badly. Keep it classy and simple. No explaining it to the whole world. Just "oh! it was Fred's weekend but he cancelled". Include a sad emoji if you must. But anything detailed just comes across point scorey and like OP feels she has to explain. She doesn't. He does.

PixieLaLar · 23/10/2023 21:52

The only thing I'm finding weird is his new GF quite happily letting the ex cancel his weekend with his DC inorder to take her and her DC to the family party

I would expect she didn’t even know he was meant to have them….It’s interesting how some jump to conclusions and start blaming his new GF for things she likely doesn’t even know about, and even if she did that’s not on her ‘letting him’ that’s HIS choice (all be it a shit one).

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread