to say its not my problem anymore?

[practicallyhello]

Kicked out DP. Together 7 years, one young child together. The house is owned by me, we were originally renting and then I received an inheritance and I bought the house we are currently living in with the money.

He is staying with a friend.

No cheating or abuse but we are not compatible and the way he behaves toward me and talks to me is very questionable. I believe he has controlling tendancies even though he'd never go so far as to actually try and stop me from doing things if that makes sense I.e. trying to make me feel guilty so that I'll willingly not do things he doesn't want me to do.

Anyway the AIBU is because he has two other children who are 9 & 11 who he shares care 50/50 with his ex. He is now trying to guilt me about this because I haven't let them back here to stay since I chucked him out and its not possible for them to stay at his friends (he's on their sofa at the min) meaning he's getting it in the neck from their mum. He is trying to say I should continue to let them stay until he finds somewhere else which he's trying to do as quickly as possible because they have rooms here etc. I have said no sorry its no longer my problem. It may be inconvenient but they do have a perfectly good home with their mum for the meantime until he has somewhere else for them to stay. Fwiw it's the same situation with our DC, he either comes here for a little bit to see our child or he takes them out for tea, it's inconvenient for me too that he can't have them stay yet but it is what it is at the moment.

This post with bells on @OP. Yanbu.

😂😂😂

He is trying to get op to look after his children rather than find suitable housing for them all. Standards for fathers, yet again, on the floor.

50/50 without housing isnt possible. Maybe he needs to pay maintenance instead.

No she doesn’t. This man shouldn’t be able to use his children to get his own way. It will never stop if he doesn’t get a kick up the arse to sort his life out. OP shouldn’t have to be a people pleaser and she should have boundaries even with children involved. There is a CF controlling man in the picture and Op should be looking out for herself so that he doesn’t get taken advantage of by him. No point letting him and his kids stay because he will love it! And wont get a move on finding his own place.

What you see as her being callous, I see as her having zero tolerance for a man’s bullshit.

If they can’t stay with their dad for the time being then they have a mum. They should be with her and not OP.

She isnt their step mother. She said partner, not husband.

Definitely a hard situation as I would feel some way towards my child’s siblings but I do agree it isn’t your problem. Hope you manage to come to a solution

OP - don’t allow him to make his problems yours. They aren’t, and not are his children.

He is free to facilitate the relationships between his children.

YANBU in the least. Stick to your guns.

He's such a user loser.

Determined to try and keep the nearest vagina responsible for HIS children.

Complete TOSSER.

Well that's answered my question then.He seriously considered the possibility that you as a now single mum to his youngest would agree to take over the parenting responsibilities for his two older children,with all that entails,for half of every week. You can guarantee if you'd agreed to it he wouldn't have rushed to find a suitable new home for his children.

These children have two parents. Either separately or together, it's their job to find somewhere to put their children's belongings. Not yours.
Again - he's still trying to control you.

Why? OPs dc will only ever have known life with their half siblings living with them half the time. That s their normal with their dad being there too so of course it will be confusing .

I certainly don't think you should be looking after them for half the week in their dad's absence or allowing him to stay during his contact time. That is piss taker territory!
But I would invite them for tea or a visit, regularly. I think it's important for them to know you care. I don't see that not having a relationship with their mum means you cannot drop off their personal belongings. If it really is hostile, then your ex needs to ensure their personal belongings are delivered to them.

I mean have only the stepchildren spend a day with you, without their dad

Would you be happy for your children to spend the day with their fathers ex girlfriend every Saturday? Work full time and spend every weekend enabling two parents to have the day off …. What for? Their father is perfectly capable of having all three children Saturday afternoons!! Plenty of family friendly places to take them all. That’s on him!

And all this ‘confusion’ really …. People change, things change … that’s life and kids and adults need to deal with that - not pussy foot around confusing them further.

Write to her and ask what she wants to do about the children's stuff.

Three children from two women but he can't make suitable provision to house them - what an utter waste of space.

and has he even started looking for alternative accomodation yet?? not your kids so not your problem. get his kids stuff together and throw it into boxes in the garage or in the attic or even in the small bedroom so your daughter can have the big bedroom! also I wouldnt let him visit your child in your house. he needs to take them out. again it is not your problem where he goes.

Then they will have to adapt with the help of their two parents, as all children have to in the event of a split.

OP isn’t more responsible for them than their actual parent is. In fact, she’s not responsible for them at all. ‘It’s about the children’ - then their father can prioritise them, can’t he? For OP, it’s also about OP, who shouldn’t be guilted into providing free childcare under the guise of ‘being kind’ (and like a good woman, presumably, given the expectations invariably placed on women). Bollocks to that.

he also then suggested they stay here without him
what a bloody cheek! Hardly him having his kids is it?

Usually the only thing these wasters are good for is getting women pregnant.

Total losers.

The OP is well rid.

Thank you! Feel better now.

I do get why it's annoying for his ex, she works nights a lot (NHS job) but it's not my problem anymore.

Finding suitable rental with 2 week notice is near impossible now.

It may be near impossible but I don't feel like that's my problem anymore. He could have moved in with his parents for the time being but he chose not to. And he could have not been a dick but again he chose not to.

His kids aren't homeless. They have a home with their mum, as does ours with me. I don't feel like it's any longer my concern to ensure they have a 2nd with their dad. That's up to him.

You're spot on, OP, it's not your responsibility at all. Your ex needs to grow a pair, sort out his housing so he has somewhere his kids can come and visit and stop trying to manipulate you into facilitating that.

Of course it isn't your problem. Please ignore the posters who think that there is a virtue in martyrdom. Your responsibility is to yourself and to your own child, nobody else should count.

I didn't say it was OP's responsibility.