Not taking DD into her gymnastics class

[Mysteriousflo]

Hi

I need some perspective here and hoping wise MN’rs can help me figure out AIBU

DH was left to take DD4 to gymnastics class this morn.

I’d already given her breakfast and got her partly dressed but then needed to leave with DS to get him to his classes. Her class was an hour later than his.

get home later and find out DH didn’t take her into gymnastics.

he said she wouldn’t put her trousers on / was messing around so he put her trousers on her which made her upset. He then got her in the car and drove to the car park right outside the class. Apparently on the way she was upset and wanted me.

he went to get her out of the car but she started crying and said she needed a jumper as it was cold. (She didn’t as it’s a hop into the front door and she never usually has an extra jumper)

so he said fine we’ll go home and brought her back home instead of waiting for her to calm take her in.

this has made me so sad. And I’m not sure if I’m overreacting. It’s her one weekend class that she always looks forward to and gets so much out of. He drove her right outside the front door and when she was upset basically just drove her home again.

then kept saying about her bad behaviour when we got back.

she’s 4!

AIBU to feel sad about this situation. It feels like it escalated too much. I would’ve just waited until she was calm and taken her in then.

What a shitty thing for an adult man to do to a 4-year-old little girl. Poor kid.

How exactly is it shit to teach your child about consequences?

I'm with your dh here. She was definitely trying to run rings around him. For me, there's entertaining that to a reasonable amount. If she didnt want to get out and was upset, was he meant to drop and upset child into the class who then spoil it for others? How is she meant to learn about tantrums and consequences?

I'm with dad on this one. Important lesson to learn. Fannying about refusing to get ready and then chucking a strop in the car gets the car turned around and taken home. If this means missing a class she likes, she will think twice next time.

I've managed to raise all my children with out meting out mean consequences every 5 mins

Oh Fgs! What utter nonsense. I have many a time forced a jacket / trousers on my ds because I am the parent and decide that my little child needs to dress appropriately. But off course double standards because it's a 'man'.

It's not "mean consequence", it's a natural consequence.

She refused to get out of the car to go to her activity so her dad took her home. Seems pretty sensible to me.

I agree with you OP, and I don't think your DH handled this very well.

But on the other hand, I agree with giving each parent the autonomy to handle things in their own way (obviously assuming no abuse etc). So I would tend to just let him get on with it if he's in charge.

I've read all of your updates and really can't see what your DH did wrong.

DD was messing around and refusing to put her trousers on so he put them on her. So what!? That was the right thing to do, surely! Many times I grabbed my own reluctant and pissing-about small children when they were that age and put their clothes on them if they weren't cooperating. I just made it happen because I was the parent and if I said it had to happen then it was happening whether they liked it or not.

She threw another strop when they arrived at the class. The consequence was that she didn't get to go in. I'd have done the same.

The only thing I think he could perhaps have done better was to have taken a jumper out to the car himself and just had it with them to put on her, but that's it. I'd have taken her home too and then ignored any further tantrums as I refused to let her watch TV etc. I'd just have got myself a cup of tea or coffee and left her to it (not completely unsupervised obviously, but I wouldn't have pandered to anything).

@shardash

this!!
why is it shitty exactly?!

It isn't shitty at all, it's good parenting, and 4 is a perfect age to be learning this sort of lesson.

If it is shitty to teach your child about actions and consequences in this way then I am very happy to have been a shitty parent. Three times over.

Funnily enough, they are in their twenties now and seem to have survived.

Yup. Let's be honest after creating and refusing to put her trousers in and crying in the car was she honestly going to go.in and have a good class? Unlikely.

You mess around and act like you don't want to go then you don't get to go.

I take the bus every Sunday morning for 30 mins to get my DD to gymnastics while suffering from morning sickness and generally wishing I was home. I don't think your husband made a very good effort to be honest.

Sounds like he has a short fuse, which isn't a very good role model for kids

Manhandled 😂

They’ll be in a for a real shock when the real world doesn’t ‘anchor their volatile emotions’.

Sometimes kids need to learn actions have consequences.

I agree with Dad.

It won’t do her any harm, to learn that.
OP, I wouldn’t cause a thing about it.

You might have handled it differently, and that’s fine too. You’re different people, but just because it’s not your way definitely doesn’t make it the ‘wrong’ way.

Dads often have very different parenting styles to Mums. If you don’t like the way he dealt with the situation then you’ll have to do it yourself next week. Or you could let them work it out between them. I doubt very much that your daughter will play up next week.

'Next week' was 6 months ago.

He's deliberately being a shitty parent to force you into doing more work so he can do less.

You are awake at one in the morning telling me I have not read the date on a post. Get a life.

The world's a big place love, it's not the same time everywhere.

That makes it even worse if you are policing a thread that isn’t even about your own country. MN never ceases to amaze me. But I’d say you give yourself away with that “love”. Does anyone outside Northern England even use that expression?