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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be considering private school at reception?

133 replies

Aramist · 21/10/2023 08:35

We live in a small village which happens to have a really good private school 5 minute walk away. We've looked round, talked with the teachers, done our research. Loved it.

We've also looked around the nearest state school, which is a 5 minute drive away. Also a nice school, headteacher brilliant. Lots of recommendations.

The thing is, even though we can comfortably afford it, the class sizes at the private school are tiny. We're talking maybe 6 or 7 kids per year group. I think there are something like 20 (if that) kids in the whole of key stage 1. I can see that being a lovely thing, family feel and the attention my DD will get would be great, but I worry about her socially as I can see her being a quiet and sensitive child at school.

With the state school, each year group has about 30. Big classes. I work in state and have a class of 30 and it's hard work, can be chaotic and I just can't give every child the attention they deserve. I'd also worry with her potentially being quite quiet she'd get a bit 'lost' in a big class like that, but at least she'd have local friends (not necessarily in same village though).

The other issue is if we moved house. Our house isn't necessarily our forever home but we're happy for now.

I'm torn. Any words of advice?

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 21/10/2023 11:53

6/7 children is way too small and it would be an instant no for me .

cantkeepawayforever · 21/10/2023 12:40

Mixed R/Y1 would really concern me. Given the difference between the ETFS and KS1 curricula, I would be really concerned that the children in R would not be getting the play-based curriculum they are entitled to and need.

I would be asking very pointed questions about the VAT increase, the different curricula, the % SEN snd how the offer for SEN is different from that for orhers, how they would deal with a boy/ girl heavy cohort, how many children typically arrive at non-standard times (and from where), how many children attend all the way through (and why they leave), etc etc before I made any decision.

WhalePolo · 21/10/2023 12:55

The private school I know @Aramist is very worried about how they are going to survive if a Labour government gets in. Their numbers are decreasing. Two year groups have merged. Small classes are not as good as they seem due to intense friendships, lack of freedom for friendship groups to naturally form. The children CAN get the teachers attention, but they tend to play up to that and sometimes stop trying to be self sufficient/independent. If they don’t want to do something, they WILL protest because they’ll get the attention for protesting.

That said, I think it very much depends on the school. Is the school thriving? Because if not - decisions will be made to keep it afloat as a business. There will be a very big focus on keeping the parents happy - rather than saying something that may upset parent/child : whereas sometimes it’s needed.

A child who is misbehaving - rather than a strict, firm no : will be possibly far too nurtured or have excuses made through not wanting to lose custom.
I think you’d also be surprised that the no. of SEN children % per class is not that different to state. They tend to be picked up v quickly, and possibly over diagnosed in private schools because of the intense focus on each child.

hwaclanhdead · 21/10/2023 13:13

I think the private school is too small at the bottom end.
I'd worry about whether it is financially viable and then the difficulties of getting a place at a state school if it does go under.
Also I think it would be difficult socially for her with so few children in her class.
Combined classes are not great to be honest (I've taught in them a few times. Can be ok but it's pot luck really and depends on your child as to whether it works or not).

I would send her to the state school and see how she gets on. You could move her at KS2 to the private where there are more children in the classes and single age groups. Or you could move her at KS3 if you aren't happy about the state secondary options.

I went to a private school and taught primary in state and private. If you have access to a good state school I personally don't think private schools are worth the money at that stage.

MotorwayDiva · 21/10/2023 13:19

I was in a class of 6, increased to 9 around year 3. As there was so few of us there was never issues with falling out. The only thing is that we didn't have a choice of friendships but overall no longer lasting issues imo

MrsWimpy · 21/10/2023 13:30

Where do the kids from your village usually go then?

I'd start at the state and consider moving if needed. The private prep is tiny. And 40 in senior is small too. Our private seniors has 75 and that's fairly small.

RudsyFarmer · 21/10/2023 13:32

Speaking from experience - go private.

PutWoodInHoleDuck · 21/10/2023 14:26

RudsyFarmer · 21/10/2023 13:32

Speaking from experience - go private.

Speaking from experience - go state.

Foxesandsquirrels · 21/10/2023 14:30

PutWoodInHoleDuck · 21/10/2023 14:26

Speaking from experience - go state.

Show quote history

Same- go state

RudsyFarmer · 21/10/2023 14:32

If only you knew 🤣

Foxesandsquirrels · 21/10/2023 14:37

RudsyFarmer · 21/10/2023 14:32

If only you knew 🤣

Well we don't. Everyone will have different experiences but in my experience, pastoral, academic and safeguarding are all much better in state.

RudsyFarmer · 21/10/2023 14:49

My experience is absolute chaos in the state system. If I had the money I’d choose private across the board from prep to a levels.

Wisenotboring · 21/10/2023 15:05

Our youngest is in reception in a prep school. We absolutely couldn't be happy with everything she has on offer there. However, I have other children in the state sector so I don't think it's a question of state bad, private good. I would be quite nervous about such a small school in the current financial climate. I would also worry about social opportunities.

Nevermind31 · 21/10/2023 15:41

I would start state - you can always move private if it doesn’t suit, but you won’t be able to move the other way.
we moved our DC away from private because the year group was getting so small (9). No chance to get away if you don’t get on with someone

WeMustGetOffTheMountain · 21/10/2023 15:48

I would say it depends entirely on your DC... If private school with very small class sizes had been an option for DS10 I would have jumped at the chance - he has SEN, struggles in large groups and needs lots of support with his school work. DD8 however, thrives in a busy class with lots of different children. She would have been miserable in a tiny class!

If I were in your position, I would perhaps give the state school a go for the first year and then re-evaluate at the end of reception when you will have a feel for how your DC is finding it.

Good luck!

Original poster
Aramist · 21/10/2023 18:55

Thanks all. I think the state school might be the way forward 🙂 with the view to having the option to move her if needed later on.
Will definitely consider it for junior/secondary.

OP posts:
EasternStandard · 21/10/2023 18:59

That’s tiny. I’d check financial viability of the school too.

I mean you can still go for it but it is so small

Fromthebirdsnest · 21/10/2023 19:43

My children are all at private school , I have one pretty average, one very quiet artsy but not brilliant at core subjects and one gifted and talented (& a 2 year old who will be going) they cater for all of them brilliantly... honestly if you can afford private school it's a great investment in your child's future , imo x

WorriedMillie · 21/10/2023 19:48

We are in the 3 tier system. Lovely village first school, 30/class. DD went there until the end of Y4, then joined the private prep school in a nearby town (much smaller classes).

Maybe look at the possibilities for joining the private school later on?

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 21/10/2023 19:51

I don’t have any feelings about private vs state as such because there are fantastic state schools and awful private schools, and vice versa.

But I strongly agree with others who’ve said that small class sizes, whilst very attractive to parents who are concerned about their DC getting overlooked, can be a double-edged sword for children. Classes of 30 aren’t necessarily ideal but it is 29 potential friends!

Waitingfortheconferencehosttojoin · 21/10/2023 22:11

Not the point of the thread, but: Am I the only one who is baffled by people saying “private prep”? Surely that’s tautologous? Preps are private…?!

Original poster
Aramist · 28/11/2023 17:22

Bit of an update.

Went back to the private school for a bit of a closer look and a good chat with the head.

Few more details/things I've noticed:

  • reception up to year 2 very play based. Teacher very focused on child-led play. Even year 2s were sharing provision with the rest. Was nice to see.
  • when expressing concern about class size, the head teacher was of the opinion it was rarely an issue (she would say that of course). It's the sort of school where the staff bring their own kids and she said her DD (now older) had no issues with friendships and the whole of primary is 'one big family'. She also made the point that hardly any children have left mid term/year over her many years there
  • the school's facilities are out of this world
  • very good academic results

I do still worry about her socially, which has brought me back to this thread to be honest. Read through the whole thing again.
Yet all the parents I've spoken to who have children there (including young children) have told me their child has thrived.

So now I'm torn again!
I've got to go with.my gut I think.

OP posts:
WhatHaveIDone21 · 28/11/2023 17:32

I think it's tough because of the size of the private school classes. I have 2 DC. DC1 is in Y8 in a local private school - there are 18 children in her class. DC2 is in Y4 in a state primary in a class of 30. The plan will be for her to join her sister in Y7 (DC1 went to the same primary).

I teach in KS1 and have 31 children this year. With the best will in the world, I can't give them the attention they all need especially as I have a lot of children with additional needs this year. I think the best size is around 15 children but if I had to choose (and money was no object) I would probably go for the smaller class size.

WhatHaveIDone21 · 28/11/2023 17:33

But equally, you could consider state at first and then move to the private school as the class sizes get bigger (UKS2). That might give you the best of both worlds.

Newuser75 · 28/11/2023 17:41

I'd also be concerned about the very small
class sizes at the private school. The may rarely be any problems but if there are there is no where for your child to get away.

You are also limiting them hugely with regards to friendship choices. My eldest son started school in a small, one form entry private school. All the other boys like football, he didn't, he therefore had no one else to play with. He then had issues with a couple of boys. Couldn't get away from them. Was miserable. We moved him to a three form entry private school and he has never looked back.

I guess it would be fine until there was a problem.

The financial side would also worry me. With the cost of living crisis and the concern over the possible 20% increase in fees many people with kids at private school will have to re think.

I'd pick the state school or a larger private school.