To be fucked off at accusations of hothousing?

[Sunshinebuttercupsrainbows]

My son is 7 and has SEN, he goes to a special school. It was a huge fight to get him in there and is now thriving socially, emotionally and academically to the extent he’s now working a year ahead in maths and two years ahead in reading and comprehension.

I’m part of a community of parents with children with SEN, many of whom home educate because the system is just not set up for their children. Many of these are my closest friends but there are certainly some that are more like just acquaintances.

My son was out of school for a while before I was able to get him into his current school so I did a lot of educating him at home. Because this became our norm, we still do a lot of it now. He doesn’t get homework from school so it’s not in addition to that, it’s usually just 30 minutes before bed of some maths and reading comprehension sheets off of twinkl before we do bedtime stories. He doesn’t complain and is currently enjoying it, when it becomes a battle I’ll probably stop because life is too short!

Anyway, I had some good news about his learning that I shared with my friends after school today. One of them then posted in the bigger group chat congratulating my son on his efforts and achievement.

One woman in the chat that I’m not particularly close with then said “Well done, hardly surprising though the amount of work you make him do, big believer here that kids needs to be kids rather than being hothoused but each to their own!”.

I’m fuming. I have only shared what I do with him because other members of the group have asked for advice. I’ve never once bragged about his achievements to this group (I absolutely do to my close friends as we all do and we all celebrate our children’s successes because we love and support each other!). If anything I’m extra cautious not to be braggy or patronising.

My son has had such a difficult journey so far with his education and to be honest with personal life too that I’m so angry to be told that I’m not letting him just be a kid! He does so much socially, has great friends and spends lots of time playing with them and being out in nature, lots of screen time too so I’m definitely not a role model parent by any means. But I’m gutted that his success has been put down to me hothousing him!!!

I would just reply something along the the lines of we do what he enjoys, personally I would want to call her out on being a bitch but that would not go well - you have to be nice to people who don’t have good social skills.

I think you should send your last paragraph here to her. I would be 😡 fuming!!!

I would be annoyed too, but I'd put it down to jealousy on the other mum's part. I wouldn't respond to her message in your shoes and I'd keep her at arms length from here on in.

One woman in the chat that I’m not particularly close with then said “Well done, hardly surprising though the amount of work you make him do, big believer here that kids needs to be kids rather than being hothoused but each to their own!”.

Reply: Yes, each to their own indeed, you cheeky, ignorant gobshite.

Or maybe not.

So? What does it matter what some jealous random thinks? She has her own kid to raise as she chooses, and so do you. Ignore ignore ignore.

I think what upsets me most is that I already feel mum guilt about about fucking everything, including the extra work we do at home, but I manage to talk myself round as it’s so balanced with his screen time (so he can ‘buy’ more screen time with more work). On days where he’s had clubs, or where we’ve been out and active all day long, we will probably skip it and just do his daily reading. So it really is just to balance the screen time guilt!

You are doing great! You sound like an amazing parent and you shouldn’t let the opinions of jealous judgemental arseholes ruin your day. Most people in that group probably rolled their eyes at his comment.

So the women thinks every child with a disability is stupid?

Don't reply. She has seriously embarrassed herself by writing that when your ds has achieved something.

Reply with “Well done” would have sufficed. 🙄

I'd not even reply. But I'd make it very clear with my death stare next time I saw her that I thought she was a gobshite.

That said, bit weird of your friend to comment in the main group.

No one talks about their kids achievements at our school. It's not the done thing, even between cliques and sub groups. I talk to my friends at home / away from school about it instead 😂

tell her to fuck off. Honestly, reply literally just that; “fuck off.”
she doesn’t deserve any more of a reply than that. Arse hole.
You sound like a great mum. Well done to your boy x

“If you say so”

Jealous cow

I think I would ignore the comment too. She doesn’t sound very pleasant.

Ignore

What a bitch

I’d reply with something equally shitty like

‘I just do what ds enjoys, he’s my main priority and loves learning. I’m a firm believer in following your kids lead and supporting what they enjoy, like you say, each to their own.’

I am a stranger on the internet and I am genuinely thrilled for you that you've managed to find the right place for your child that has turned on his love for learning, so much so that he's happy to do stuff outside school hours. It's the dream. I wish I could have done it for mine. And that's probably the key, actually - she's jealous. I am too, but I'm not a cow so I'm not saying it to you, if you see what I mean.

You've done amazingly.

I’ll be seeing her tomorrow as part of a group thing so maybe a death stare would be a good idea.

Thing is, her child is very clever and I know works very hard too. She’s in a mainstream so likely has homework, so how is that any different to what I’m doing?!

Yes, this is perfect, reply this!

You've got the self restraint of a fucking saint if you can sit on your hands and not reply to that goady shit. And well done to your ds!

Id not reply.

But neither would I want to be friendly with her - shes jealous, but also a mean spirited selfish idiot.

@LaviniasBigBloomers what a lovely message thank you so much!

Honestly he has just done so incredibly well and works so so hard. This time last year in his mainstream they had to evacuate the classroom because he was swinging around a wooden plank he’d found in the playground and was trying to destroy the classroom because he was having a meltdown. Now he goes to a school where his needs are met and is fully engaged with all of his learning and it’s - well, it’s not like a different child because he’s always been a sweet, caring, loving and clever little boy - but it’s just amazing that he now lets other people see that. He’s now (according to his teacher this week) “the quiet one in class that gets on with his work and let’s the teacher deal with other children meltdowns before offering the kid a hug once they’re regulated”. Incredible.

I wouldn’t reply - it just makes for a popcorn thread for the rest of them. Rise above and ignore, and that means in real life tomorrow too

OP if I understand your post correctly, your friend posted about your son's successes in a group chat filled with other SEN parents?
This woman's comments sound catty on the surface. But maybe her child isn't doing as well. Maybe it touched a nerve.
Quite frankly I have no idea why your close friend felt the need to publicly congratulate you in the wider group chat. Or actually praise your son (who isn't even in the chat???)
There's no excuse for being mean but in the spirit of being charitable and not knowing others' struggles, I'd just leave it be.
YANBU for being annoyed but it's no biggie. You're doing great with your son. Don't feel gutted her comments are not a reflection on anything you've done.

"Could you be any more rude? We do 30 minutes together which he enjoys. Personally I like to put a bit of effort in with my child....".