About to lose it at my one and a half year old

[duvetstar]

I've got absolute blind rage right now. He just doesn't want to settle down. Every night the same thing. No matter when I go upstairs with him. He jumps around on the bed. Tries to switch on the light using the light switch which he can reach from the bed.

My three and a half year old falls asleep. I take them up together in her bed and he's just nuts in there every night. I'm so fed up today. The amount of times he's hurt me today by accident. Scratching my lip / head butting me in the mouth and accidentally grabbing my foot which has weeping blisters on it at the moment, so the pain is excruciating. I wore the wrong shoes a couple of days and have very painful blisters.

I just don't know how to get him to settle down better. It takes up to an hour every night for him to calm down.

He refuses to sleep in his cot, so I don't even try anymore and just let him sleep with his sister in a double bed. He also still wakes EVERY night a few times and I'm just so fucking done. Husband helps on his day off, but otherwise it's my problem.

I'm just so fed up tonight. Life is so small when you have young kids. It does get depressing sometimes. Thankfully I work full time but my job can be quite stressful with a lot of ups and downs. Just really fed up with it all.

You have all my sympathy OP - it’s a very very hard stage.

is he still napping? If so how long is the window between him waking from his nap and bedtime?

what’s your bedtime routine & the 90 minutes before bed like?

Oh it’s soooo hard when you’re at the end of your tether and knackered and they won’t stop clowning around. I don’t even have any suggestions but I hope he settles down soon and you can get sat down with a drink. If you work full time why is DH not stepping up more? When is your day off?

Why is it up to you if you also work full time? Why is DH only helping on his day off?

Sounds tough, OP. Do you have a good bedtime routine for him? Mine always did the tea bath, bed, bedtime stories and lullaby routine (I made myself do it even when I was jiggered.) It paid off because they knew the trajectory of the evening and didn't rebel - in fact, they enjoyed it.

Yeah he naps really well. If I let him, he'd nap for 2 hours. He's been up since around 1:30 pm from his nap today. He went down at around 12. At nursery they've been letting him nap for 2 hours and I asked them to put an hour and a half limit on it.

The 90 minutes before bed depend on whether it's bath night. Tonight it wasn't. So he ate, climbed on the table a million times and played chase / hide and seek with his sister for a while. Then I got them into pjs etc and took them up. Put the night star light on and got him to drink his milk. No story tonight either. Although I do it most night. But some nights he just keeps yanking the book out of my hands and then I can't be bothered.

Sounds like your "D"H is the problem.

Can you look into a sleep consultant. I'm planning to my partners 2 weeks over Christmas off work to good use and make him do bedtime every night. Fed up of being the only one who can get her to sleep

I've thought about it, that's for sure. Thankfully my H can get him to sleep as well, so it's not just me. But he gets back quite late. Some night he does put him to bed.

P.s. why is it your problem does your partner work evenings? If not then f* that he should be doing bedtime routine as well, at least things like bath, book and getting pj's on before tagging you in

I have a 1.5 year old and after she wakes up in the morning she needs 5-6h before her 1.5-2h nap and then 6-7h before falling asleep for the night. I wonder if yours hasn't been awake long enough or has been awake too long before bedtime?

Sounds a lot like my second.

I can sympathise with the rage, when all you want is for them to go to sleep and they just don’t. Then they finally do, only to wake up again in the night.

My DC2 is now 4 and actually sleeps through a few nights a week, it’s a fucking miracle.

I'd be dropping the nap tbh or dramatically shortening it to 45 mins if he's still got all this energy come bedtime. Ideally you want him tired out by dinner and falling asleep shortly after.

If baths help could you do a quick bath every night - just water so not too drying on the skin

He's banging his fists on the walls and signing right now 🤦‍♀️😢

I'm sorry, but this is a you and your DH problem. Not your toddlers. The way you talk about him is totally wrong. All the accidents today and grabbing your foot, that was sore from you wearing the wrong shoes. How are you listing these as things your 18 month old has 'done' to you? You say you can't be bothered reading to him when he grabs the book? He's just a toddler! You mustn't be engaging him well enough. These bedroom antics could all be sorted with a nicer bedtime routine. From the way you're talking, neither you nor your DH are giving him it. You sound tired and at the end of your tether, which I understand. It's not your 18 month olds fault though and it's completely inappropriate to be shouting at a toddler. If you are close to 'losing it' as you say, then you arent giving him the good attention that he needs to settle down nicely. You and DH need to work on this.

'm sorry, but this is a you and your DH problem. Not your toddlers. The way you talk about him is totally wrong. All the accidents today and grabbing your foot, that was sore from you wearing the wrong shoes. How are you listing these as things your 18 month old has 'done' to you? You say you can't be bothered reading to him when he grabs the book? He's just a toddler! You mustn't be engaging him well enough. These bedroom antics could all be sorted with a nicer bedtime routine. From the way you're talking, neither you nor your DH are giving him it. You sound tired and at the end of your tether, which I understand. It's not your 18 month olds fault though and it's completely inappropriate to be shouting at a toddler. If you are close to 'losing it' as you say, then you arent giving him the good attention that he needs to settle down nicely. You and DH need to work on this.

I'm not listing things he's ' done to me ' I'm just saying that because of all the pain I've felt today and all the extra stress, I'm more exhausted and more at the end of my tether than usual. Of course he hasn't meant to hurt me, but the fact remains that it has happened and therefore I'm even more fed up ! I can't be bothered to read if he will not let me sometimes, he literally thinks it's a game and spends 20 minutes taking the book from me. I don't think it's abnormal to leave it when he's in one of those moods ?? Did I say I'm shouting at him ? I haven't. I've come to vent. I think it's really unfair to assume we don't give him the attention he needs, just because he's not tired at bed time and doesn't sleep through the night. We absolutely adore him and are doing the absolute best we can for him.

What absolute rubbish. Not engaging him enough! 😂Some 1.5 year olds are absolutely like this, in fact most of them at least go through phases of it, and it’s not the OP’s fault in the slightest. Yes, there is some good advice on here to try, but don’t be so sanctimonious. All young children go through phases, and if you have one who hurts you a lot - note the biting, head butting, and other things that had nothing to do with the OP’s blisters - it happens no matter what you do. Presumably you yourself have brought up a huge brood of children, all of them perfect at every age. Well done. It’s not like that for everyone.
Solidarity, OP. It does change. But others are right that your DH needs to support you at night.

@Fionaville Try the flat earthers thread if you want to talk bollocks. We're going for 'helpful' on this one.

I also hurt myself a few times today by accident. I have days where my kids hurt me by accident and I hurt myself by accident and I notice it really doesn't help my mood / calmness at all. You just think ' why did that just have to happen ?? '.

Something just isn't right in his routine. Why is he still messing around ?

I think he definitely needs a longer transition from running around playing hide and seek to then straight up to bed - he’s definitely too young to just switch on ‘sleep time mode’ by himself after all that fun.

My son did this around that age. In the end, I used to just lie down next to him on my phone, turn the lights out and let him get on with it. No expectations for him to fall asleep straight away etc. He grew out of it and he goes to sleep pretty quickly now.

Yes I do have children and the oldest is 18, so I'm not coming at this as a perfect parent at all! But I've never come close to losing it with an 18 month old. Because they are still babies at that age! When you feel stressed or overwhelmed and have a toddler, it's important to remember that it's not their fault and to make sure you don't 'lose' it with them! So, its yourself you have to work on and your families routine, because you're the adult. I don't see why thats controversial to say.
I don't doubt that you love your child OP. But saying don't lose it with him or shout at him because you feel stressed isn't a new concept or an accusation. Better, calmer bed routines do make a difference. If you are feeling so on edge, I don't see how you could be engaging nicely with him.
@Balloonhearts who needs to join the flat earthers, when I'm on a thread where saying 'Don't lose it with a toddler because it's not their fault' is seen as such a controversial thing to say?

A development thing probably. My DD went through similar at 18 months as her speech started to pick up. Lasted a couple of weeks then went back to normal.