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Original poster

About to lose it at my one and a half year old

100 replies

duvetstar · 20/10/2023 19:46

I've got absolute blind rage right now. He just doesn't want to settle down. Every night the same thing. No matter when I go upstairs with him. He jumps around on the bed. Tries to switch on the light using the light switch which he can reach from the bed.

My three and a half year old falls asleep. I take them up together in her bed and he's just nuts in there every night. I'm so fed up today. The amount of times he's hurt me today by accident. Scratching my lip / head butting me in the mouth and accidentally grabbing my foot which has weeping blisters on it at the moment, so the pain is excruciating. I wore the wrong shoes a couple of days and have very painful blisters.

I just don't know how to get him to settle down better. It takes up to an hour every night for him to calm down.

He refuses to sleep in his cot, so I don't even try anymore and just let him sleep with his sister in a double bed. He also still wakes EVERY night a few times and I'm just so fucking done. Husband helps on his day off, but otherwise it's my problem.

OP posts:
Discwriter · 20/10/2023 20:43

OP this age is tough! I'd cut the nap completely and put him to bed earlier - around 6, 6:30 - preferably in his own room. He's still very little.

CattingAbout · 20/10/2023 20:44

Oh sympathy OP, my youngest was a lot like this. Also climbed out of his cot at 18 months which didn't help! He's 3.5 now and a lot better than he was.

In terms of short term fixes, it is possible to shift the bed at all so DS can't reach the light switch? Or if not, take out the bulb and put a little night light somewhere out of reach? We had to just laterally keep removing all the sources of fun/mischief, DCs bedroom looked a bit like a prison cell for a bit! We've been able to put toys and stuff back in now.

Also have you tried audiobooks? We've got all the Julia Donaldsons, listening to them with the lights down low seemed to help and give me a bit of break.

LunaLoveFood · 20/10/2023 20:45

Try the audio book the little rabbit who wanted to fall asleep.
I was very skeptical, but was at the end of my tether. Ds was bouncing on the bed, giggling one night and I put it on and sat on the landing to stop him running out of his room.
The next thing I know the story is over and dh was waking me up and ds was fast asleep (upside down and wrong way round in bed, but who cares!)

It really helped us get into a better routine.

Tortugaa · 20/10/2023 20:45

Both my toddlers would wake occasionally at night but I put them both down at about 7 in a dark room and they’d go to sleep in their cots / bed until sometimes waking for a feed in the night or for comfort.

We had the occasional battle especially when they could get out of bed but consistency is key even if you have several nights in a row of being up half the night returning them to bed then almost dying at work the next day.They need to know their routine, what’s expected and that you will stick to that -every- single time no matter what stunts they pull. I think having that routine keeps them healthy and makes them feel safe too.

Picturesofowls · 20/10/2023 20:45

I think this is where you have to try something that might work for you as you'll get so many varies opinions.

My 18 month old wouldn't sleep in a cot so why force it. A mattress on the floor? I say to mine even though he's 4, start in your bed, find me at night. At least I get hours sleeping without him. If I forced some situation or had forced one he didn't want he'd just be crying or reluctant to sleep. Then no one wins.

But this is the challenge, so many different opinions and it depends on the child. I'd say consider what will help you improve resilience and get more sleep generally. Then try something different for a bit until you find something you can accept.

But don't underestimate the impact of day time changes like less screen time, getting exercise etc if this doesn't happen already.

Fionaville · 20/10/2023 20:46

@duvetstar You literally said in your OP that you are 'So fed up today' So it has been building up all day. I'm not saying you should never feel fed up and that you have to be a happy robot. But I am saying that if you've built yourself up into being in a 'blind rage' within half an hour, that you haven't been your best self at bedtime. And that will have a knock on effect. My advice throughout has been to work on your routine so that bedtimes aren't so fraught and that will help. You have to be consistent. You've come here with a problem and I've said what I think the problem is, from the information you've given.You can take my advice or just keep picking up on anything you see as being personally critical of you.

Balloonhearts · 20/10/2023 20:47

Well if you aren't here to have a go at her, you're clearly not engaging with her properly since that's what is happening.

Being picked at by you on a thread where she is clearly just venting in order to NOT snap at her child is hardly relaxing is it? So you're not helping, all you're doing is putting her down to make yourself feel superior.

Tortugaa · 20/10/2023 20:51

@Fionaville i think you’ll find most people with an 18 month old, another child and a job won’t be feeling their ‘best self’ at bedtime or any other time for the duration of toddler hood. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t wanted to explode at their kids after a long day, myself included

Floooooof · 20/10/2023 20:51

My ds has definitely been through phases of this and it can absolutely drive you insane, i feel your pain. I honestly gave up trying to do anything in the end. I would take my phone and some headphones and either watch something or read etc and do my best to ignore him. I'd let him sing and mess about, even if it ment sitting in there with him for an hour. At one point i used the time to revise for a course I was doing. I don't know if it was the right thing but thankfully he's grown out of it now so it did eventually pass!

takealettermsjones · 20/10/2023 20:52

Yay he's asleep! Do a little happy dance to release the tension.

I just wanted to suggest exercise - my eldest went through a phase of needing a burst of physical exercise in the evening to tire her out. No amount of calm bedtime routines and night lights and milky drinks and stories could compare to getting her to run laps of the garden or bounce on her trampoline in time to hard core dance music. It was a very bonkers time but hey, whatever works 😁

Original poster
duvetstar · 20/10/2023 20:52

Now my husband is home and no doubt wants to be entertained. We just have to give so much to everyone. When is it our turn ? Then tomorrow it's the weekend, if I don't make plans, it's home all day with me looking after the kids and husband swanning around doing house things, while I can barely catch a toilet break.

How come he can just swan around the house doing his stuff, without excusing himself - whereas I have to announce to him every time I leave the room, so he knows he's in charge. It's just all shit tbh.

Anyway my gorgeous boy is asleep now. He really is gorgeous. Hopefully I'll make him laugh a lot tomorrow.!

OP posts:
Original poster
duvetstar · 20/10/2023 20:53

Balloonhearts · 20/10/2023 20:47

Well if you aren't here to have a go at her, you're clearly not engaging with her properly since that's what is happening.

Being picked at by you on a thread where she is clearly just venting in order to NOT snap at her child is hardly relaxing is it? So you're not helping, all you're doing is putting her down to make yourself feel superior.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Fionaville · 20/10/2023 20:53

Balloonhearts · 20/10/2023 20:47

Well if you aren't here to have a go at her, you're clearly not engaging with her properly since that's what is happening.

Being picked at by you on a thread where she is clearly just venting in order to NOT snap at her child is hardly relaxing is it? So you're not helping, all you're doing is putting her down to make yourself feel superior.

I'm not picking on her. I'm giving her advice. Nobody should expect to be in a 'blind rage' and 'close to losing it' with a toddler and for them to then go to sleep nicely. Its never going to happen. So the routine between OP and DH needs to be worked on.
But then it's easier to say "Aw I know hun, toddlers are a nightmare" and feel superior because you've 'been kind' Doesn't help much the OP or the toddler much though does it?

Original poster
duvetstar · 20/10/2023 20:57

@Fionaville the point is that it's normal to feel frustrated sometimes though. Everyone feels that way sometimes. You're making it out to be an issue, when it's the reality for most people some days. Even on the days I feel great he messes around at bed time ! It's not about me being stressed, it's about something in his routine. He's just not tired enough or he is over tired.

OP posts:
tortiecat · 20/10/2023 20:57

@duvetstar really feel for you.

Life with a bouncing toddler is challenging enough - come evening it feels like you are DONE & it's so hard when you've had a tough day and they won't settle and you know they'll be up soon enough, it feels like you're a very thinly stretched balloon that's about to burst.

No words of wisdom but please know there are others on here that get it. I hope the weekend is better - that your foot heals and tomorrow is more relaxed.

Fionaville · 20/10/2023 20:58

Tortugaa · 20/10/2023 20:51

@Fionaville i think you’ll find most people with an 18 month old, another child and a job won’t be feeling their ‘best self’ at bedtime or any other time for the duration of toddler hood. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t wanted to explode at their kids after a long day, myself included

I've had all of those things. I'm not a perfect parent but I am being constructive, instead of blindly agreeing that toddlers are a nightmare and its reasonable to be in a blind rage with them.
OP has followed up with remarks about her DH doing what he likes of a weekend, while she can't even leave the room. So I stand by my statements saying that this isn't a toddler problem, it's a routine problem.

Original poster
duvetstar · 20/10/2023 20:59

@Fionaville stop picking on me

OP posts:
pictoosh · 20/10/2023 20:59

@Fionaville your first post on page one is salty as fuck. Accusatory and sanctimonious in tone. I'm afraid you blew it there.

takealettermsjones · 20/10/2023 21:01

Fionaville · 20/10/2023 20:58

I've had all of those things. I'm not a perfect parent but I am being constructive, instead of blindly agreeing that toddlers are a nightmare and its reasonable to be in a blind rage with them.
OP has followed up with remarks about her DH doing what he likes of a weekend, while she can't even leave the room. So I stand by my statements saying that this isn't a toddler problem, it's a routine problem.

Show quote history

You can be sympathetic and give advice at the same time, which most commenters are doing. Or you can choose to lace your "advice" with a heap of sanctimoniousness.

Fionaville · 20/10/2023 21:02

duvetstar · 20/10/2023 20:57

@Fionaville the point is that it's normal to feel frustrated sometimes though. Everyone feels that way sometimes. You're making it out to be an issue, when it's the reality for most people some days. Even on the days I feel great he messes around at bed time ! It's not about me being stressed, it's about something in his routine. He's just not tired enough or he is over tired.

It is normal to be frustrated sometimes. But imo it's not normal to be 'in a blind rage' or 'close to losing it' with an 18 month old. It's just not. I'm not accusing you of being a bad parent. I'm saying you need to look at why you are feeling so angry and I'm suggesting it's a routine problem you and DH have. If you are that tired and that easy to anger, you need more help from DH and you need to find a way to make things calmer for you and the baby.

TheOccupier · 20/10/2023 21:06

Hang in there. Could you bear to do bathtime every day? Some children this age really need a super-consistent (to the point of military) bedtime routine. Supper, little play, tidy toys away, maybe a bit of CBeebies, bath, story, bed, at exactly the same time of day. Yes it makes life feel pretty small and groundhog day-esque but it doesn't last long.

How is your older DC getting enough sleep by the way - is she OK? Does she just sleep through the chaos? Could you get DS a toddler bed in a separate room and try him in that if he won't stay in the cot?

Cowlover89 · 20/10/2023 21:07

Discwriter · 20/10/2023 20:43

OP this age is tough! I'd cut the nap completely and put him to bed earlier - around 6, 6:30 - preferably in his own room. He's still very little.

I wouldn't cut the nap till they stop it themselves

Blessedbethefruitz · 20/10/2023 21:07

Right. I have a 20 month old and a 4.5 year old. The 3 of us co sleep on a double floor bed (one on either side of me) as the oldest doesn't sleep through (weight issues, fortified overnight milk). Well he has the last 2 nights, which is absolutely unprecedented. The youngest mostly dreamfeeds once a night (exclusively breastfed).

My oldest stays up in the living room with his dad while baby goes to sleep. She's much better than he was, but does sometimes take an hour messing around rearranging stuffies in bed/singing. When I get desperate I swap with dp and she cries for 5 minutes while he cuddles her - I go back and she goes to sleep. Then oldest comes through and falls asleep with a whispered story/chat about the day etc.

It must be very tough to get yours down together at the same time. I tried it once and we were all up until 10pm until the first one cracked. Now dp doesn't go out unless at least one is asleep! We both work full time and it's stressful and hard when you have tricky/non conventional sleepers, and you do get cross and desperate.

Your husband needs to step up and take one while you put the earlier sleeper to bed at the very least. Even if the better sleeper conks out on the sofa and is carried through (we do this when needed - apparently the beautiful second kids bedroom is too exciting for sleep...). Sounds very much like a husband problem than your kids, especially if he's swanning around doing sweet fa on the weekends.

Zanatdy · 20/10/2023 21:10

1-2 with DS2 - omg I always say to anyone who will listen, he was an absolute nightmare. Since then he’s never given me a days trouble, seriously he’s been the perfect kid, top grades, super sporty, polite and popular. So driven. I wouldn’t go back to those days for all the tea in China. It’s about getting through. Especially weekends, at least in the week they go to nursery!! Your DH clearly needs to pull his socks up, both night wakings and other stuff

Original poster
duvetstar · 20/10/2023 21:11

@Fionaville you clearly don't understand a slightly dramatic/ humorous post. I was never actually about to lose it or in a blind rage. If I was really about to lose it and in a blind rage, do you think I would be posting on here ?

You've just taken it too literally and want to continue beating me up about my choice of words. Have a nice day.

OP posts: