About to lose it at my one and a half year old

[duvetstar]

I've got absolute blind rage right now. He just doesn't want to settle down. Every night the same thing. No matter when I go upstairs with him. He jumps around on the bed. Tries to switch on the light using the light switch which he can reach from the bed.

My three and a half year old falls asleep. I take them up together in her bed and he's just nuts in there every night. I'm so fed up today. The amount of times he's hurt me today by accident. Scratching my lip / head butting me in the mouth and accidentally grabbing my foot which has weeping blisters on it at the moment, so the pain is excruciating. I wore the wrong shoes a couple of days and have very painful blisters.

I just don't know how to get him to settle down better. It takes up to an hour every night for him to calm down.

He refuses to sleep in his cot, so I don't even try anymore and just let him sleep with his sister in a double bed. He also still wakes EVERY night a few times and I'm just so fucking done. Husband helps on his day off, but otherwise it's my problem.

Don’t be so vicious. OP venting to adults online about the fact that she’s at the end of her tether does not mean she’s treating her child badly. This sneering judgmental tone might make you feel better about yourself but it’s wildly unhelpful and unkind.

You've taken what I've said too literally..

@MatildaonMain I'm really not being vicious by saying OP and DH need to work on this and need to work on the routine, so the toddler is calm and happy for bed, because kids pick up when you are angry i.e being close to losing it.

Surely we've all felt like we could explode sometimes out of frustration and still know it's not our babies fault. I'm not sure why you needed to point that out and couldn't say something more constructive. You just wanted to make me feel even worse.

My children are older now but reading your message takes me back all be it hazy ... So assure you it won't be like this forever.
For this evening as you are stressed worn out could you abandon bed time for him. Sit down watch TV or read to him lights off/low see if he relaxes and falls off to sleep on couch.
On other nights go up early allow him play a bit in room to relax before tired.
I think sometimes stop trying the routine or right way for a night is a well deserved break for yourself.

@duvetstar I'm not suggesting that you've done anything at all, to take it literally. I'm saying kids pick up when you are close to losing it with them i.e angry and frustrated. So work on that, because otherwise your baby isn't going to settle well. That's it.

It must be exhausting and frustrating. If your other child is ok with him in there, can you just put up a baby gate and leave him to it?

Go downstairs and have a cup of tea and try to get calm?

its bloody awful when you have an aggressive toddler that’s hurting you and yo u are already tired!

Id try cutting nap back to a couple of hours max, anything less than an hour might be too little, as conversely sometimes sleep begets more sleep.

It sounds like he is very tired. My dc got. Dry aggressive and overwhelmed when over tired. I’d suggest no tv before bed, a bath to wind down and some quiet time with books separate from his sister.

I definitely would not let them sleep together. After bath, book and milk put him straight down and switch the lights off and give him a dummy if needs be. Go back in to check every few mins if he’s crying. Be consistent, he will go to sleep eventually a bit of crying doesn’t hurt them.

Just remember when he’s attacking you he’s overtired and overwhelmed. He needs to know he’s going to sleep in his cot at roughly the same time each night in a dark room with maybe hallway light on.

Saying shit like ‘you’re not engaging him properly’ to someone parenting an 18 month old behaving in a totally normal (albeit bloody difficult) way is vicious and you should apologise for being cruel.

My daughter was like this, we needed a super early bedtime. If she gets overtired she's a nightmare, really hard to settle then wakes constantly, then ratty the next day from being tired (but still with loads of energy - actually more energy!)

Also things like getting them to do heavy lifting before bed somehow helps, I can't remember why but it does reset their energy/mindset.

I feel you, OP, I have a boy of 18 months, and am regularly in a similar situation. When pregnant, I had a lot of ideas of how I wanted to raise my child, and then this little dude appeared with his own agenda. From day 1, I knew I would be in for a ride with him.

A year and a half in, he still wakes 2-3 times every night. When awake, he does not sit still for more than 5 seconds. I try to love him for who he is ('parent the child you have', etc.), but it is hard and relentless at times. Especially, if you have comparison material with an older child, nephews and nieces, other kids at baby groups, etc. My child behaves differently to others, and it is blatantly obvious.

Deep breaths, and it does help after a hard day to look at them when they are soundly asleep and suddenly turn into the most gorgeous, snuggly little men. I also try to remind myself that it takes all sorts, and that being so boisterous will have its future benefits as well.

He's not wanted to sleep in his cot since July. I tried so many times and he just wouldn't stop crying. He gets sick from crying quite easily. So I don't let him cry for long ( I've tried ).

hun it's so hard and days like this happen to us all.
some folk will
never admit it, so ignore the negative annie's. you have done nothing wrong and tonight is not the time to start looking at solutions, you need to wind
down, get your hubby up there to deal with it, go and run a bath as soon as he is sleeping and tomorrow is a brand new day.
you are allowed to feel the way you feel, it is looking for ways forward. but honestly just get tonight out the way and give yourself a break x

Can you switch the cot to a toddler bed and put stair gate over his room?

He's in a double bed at the moment.

Also, he's finally asleep. But I expect to hear from him again at around 2.

How can OP be engaging him properly when she's close to losing it? Seriously? I'm not here to have a go at her. I'm saying her and DH need to work on their routine so that bedtime is a happy and relaxing time, where the toddler is engaged with reading etc because he's not picking up on this frustration towards him.

It is a difficult age. I'd get so annoyed at the toy brick throwing, head banging etc... and not going to bed can wear you down.

But I'd say a one year old waking once a night and sleeping in his sisters bed sounds like a dream. I didnt know anyone whose one year pld slept better than that. My 4 year old wakes once a night, at one we co slept, he woke 2-4 times a night.

It must be tough having two kids and one of them is one. But you sound tired and worn down. My main thoughts are how can you get more sleep, can DH or someone help more, are there ways of improving the one year olds bedtime routine ie reduced acreen time, less sugar. Is he burning off energy in the day. Is it a clear routine ie 2 stories one lullaby then no more play it's bed.

@Fionaville I only get frustrated after half an hour or so of him trying to continuously turn on the light. I don't go up there in a rage, like you imagine.

I think it’s normal for them to wake up in the night again around 18 months. The toddler years are hellish aren’t they?!

Try the Batelle method - expensive but worth every penny. Best sleep school ever, also support with day time behaviour

You say he refuses point blank to sleep in a cot, but it doesn't sound like the double bed solution is working any better tbh.

I would try again with the cot. Put him in a sleeping bag so he can't climb out, and just leave him to it. If he gets upset by himself, then lie on the floor next to the cot (but out of reach of hair-pulling fingers!) put ear phones in, hide your phone under the cot, and watch something very sweary.

This is an awful stage, the rage of pure exhaustion is real! Step away before you get too caught up in it.

Funnily enough my 3 and a half year old slept through the night from 11 months.

Of course nowadays she has night she wakes up sometimes ( like last night ) but generally she just falls asleep at bed time straight away. She went through a phase at 2 and a half where she did something similar and that's when I cut her nap out entirely. But 18 months is too young to cut the nap.

He's never stopped waking up. Things haven't changed at all, since he was 10 months old or so.

@duvetstar Ignore the perfect parent posters. You’re doing a grand job and we’ve all been there. When you’re tired, need headspace and they won’t go the f to sleep, it’s hard. I’m a believer in just taking the path of least resistance. I would say start the wind down earlier so there’s more of a chance of getting into sleep mode. Too much to go from playing to sleeping in bed. Keep up with a read, even if it’s short. Agree with the previous poster who said about lying there on phone until they drop off. I just used to say quietly, “it’s sleep time now” if they started playing around. I didn’t engage so it was dull and boring and they dropped off. It’s probably better doing this then going downstairs and winding yourself up when they don’t drop off. Get the wine and snacks out. Solidarity. It’s a crap phase. I remember that frustration well.

This was my little boy. We tried to cut nap out completely and he wasn't ready to drop it completely, however his nap was cut to 15 mins, 30 mins max. Anything longer and he would just piss about wide awake in bed til gone 9. It's harder when you've had an easy sleeper as your first. My eldest is 4 and even if she has an hours nap she's flat out at bedtime as normal no fuss. I'm a year ahead of you now and double bed time is a doddle now. You've got my sympathy though. I was on the edge until my boy was 2!