About to lose it at my one and a half year old

[duvetstar]

I've got absolute blind rage right now. He just doesn't want to settle down. Every night the same thing. No matter when I go upstairs with him. He jumps around on the bed. Tries to switch on the light using the light switch which he can reach from the bed.

My three and a half year old falls asleep. I take them up together in her bed and he's just nuts in there every night. I'm so fed up today. The amount of times he's hurt me today by accident. Scratching my lip / head butting me in the mouth and accidentally grabbing my foot which has weeping blisters on it at the moment, so the pain is excruciating. I wore the wrong shoes a couple of days and have very painful blisters.

I just don't know how to get him to settle down better. It takes up to an hour every night for him to calm down.

He refuses to sleep in his cot, so I don't even try anymore and just let him sleep with his sister in a double bed. He also still wakes EVERY night a few times and I'm just so fucking done. Husband helps on his day off, but otherwise it's my problem.

From 10-24 months , What worked for us was using a travel cot because he couldn’t climb out of that. I’d then put him in his room with something boring on the tv and hand him his bottle. He’d fall asleep as he finished his bottle. But the bedtime resistance with him wasn’t particularly a big issue as he was in nursery from 8-6 each day and would come home grubby and tired so by the time he’d sat in the bath and been pyjama’d up it was about 8pm anyway. I’ve never really lost sleep to my kids, As a newborn dh did the night shift as he wanted to sit up gaming anyway and he’d give him a feed about 1:30 before going bed, I’d then get up with him at 5 which is my normal awake time anyway as I slept from 10 . You sound knackered and I wonder if you should try a bit more ‘mean mummy’ and just put him in a travel cot or playpen and shut the door sometimes. More sleep and a bit of space from small kids is sometimes needed for sanity.

I tried mean mummy but he won that one.

He was relentlessly crying and gets sick easily from crying, so I stopped. I pretty much co sleep with them both at some point during the night now anyway.

If you're working full time why is your husband only helping on his day off?

Because I work from home most of the time and he works in a very high pressured important position that requires a lot of focus, so he needs to sleep.

NRTFT but just wanted to say I have twins. My son was an absolute arse for sleeping from zero to four. He was also incredibly physical, impulsive and crap at listening. There was a phase where he used to scream the house down from midnight until 3/4 am. His twin sister wasn’t great, but nowhere near as challenging as him. He nearly broke me. They’re now nine and my very favourite people in the world. He can cook a whole roast dinner all by himself (with me watching to check he’s safe before anyone leaps on me), he’s the most helpful little chap you could meet and he sleeps from 8 until 8/9 if he can. Hold on, you’ll get through this. It won’t necessarily be fun, but you’ll survive. Xxx

Fgs sleep train

I tried !!

My 2.5 year old is still like this and it started at 18 months.

Complete sympathies. The rage everything.

When he's finally asleep the 5 year old decides to wake up all night.

Sometimes ask what I did so wrong to get such hyperactive shit sleepers

Haha I totally relate do the older child then randomly waking up as well ! My older one woke up last night and demanded to go downstairs do sleep on the sofa at 3 am and had a tantrum that we weren't doing that.

Although my older one is a good sleeper generally. We do go through phases of being woken up by the younger one and then a couple of hours later by the older one. It sucks ! You have my sympathy.

@duvetstar oh, sounds like he’s very much the diva then. Do you have room to rearrange the house so that he’s not disturbing his sibling and just leave him to play and watch tv till he passes out? Give him quiet toys like hot wheels cars and duplo and just ignore him and then carry him to bed when he’s asleep ? No kid ever got Ill from going to bed late, parents have from the stress of extended faffing about though. Even if you don’t solve this, it will solve itself as soon as DS is old enough to be blackmailed… not long before ‘lights off, still and quiet else Father Christmas/ Easter bunny/ granny / birthday fairy etc won’t come’ usually just after two 🤣 and months before each event. Good luck anyway, hope tomorrows a better day.

You have my sympathy. One of my DC’s was an awful sleeper, used to take me hours to get her to sleep and she would wake several times in the night, she used to be sick if she cried too much too and eventually worked out if she was sick she would get more attention. She didn’t sleep through the night until she started school. She’s now 19 and sleeps way too much. I wouldn’t want to relive those early years ever again, it was awful and I was constantly exhausted and grumpy.

I disagree with those saying shorten or cut the nap. I found the sleep breeds sleep. I'd let him nap as long as he likes, then as PP said do a very consistent bedtime routine so he knows what you expect of him. I kept my DS is his cot as long as possible (past 3) so he was contained (obviously not safe if he's climbing out). Then if he did stand up or muck about I'd just repeatedly go in, lay him down and say I loved him and goodnight. He'd give up and go to sleep eventually. I did this every night and he knew he wouldn't get anywhere and ended up sleeping well luckily. Good luck. It's so frustrating. I almost lost it lots and also cried a lot.

@Fionaville you are being most unhelpful

Drop the nap, have a solid bed time routine and wear your toddler out in the day. Toddlers are like dogs and need lots of daily exercise.
All of my kids woke at night at that age, it's completely normal.

I would highly recommend the ‘little ones’ sleep consultancy app for practical help. You will likely see a change very quickly in your little ones bedtime routine in as little as a few days. It focuses on specific wake windows and limiting little ones day time sleep depending on their specific age as well as ensuring you have the right sleep environment. Once you are following you will likely find your little one will fall asleep within a few mins and calmly. There is lots of info for free on the app or you can pay for more detailed help with routines but it’s quite reasonably priced xx

I have a 20 month old who fights sleep with every bone in her body. After 45 mins of intense screaming we usually have to take her out in the pram every night to get her to sleep. It sucks. She is lovely by day but something happens to her at 8pm which turns her into a screaming banshee & she can scream for hours until she is sick! I wish I knew why... separation anxiety? Not wanting to stop playing? Who knows.

Ours is a bit like this sometimes. I watch her on the camera and feel like I’m going mad! Glad you made me feel a bit more normal 🥲❤️

Ohhhh I’d started to forget this feeling.
Mine drove me round the flipping bend with bedtimes. They were beyond stubborn but they go to bed well now. (Waking up and sneaking into my bed is a different story.)

I would put him in his cot and sit at the side, I’d read a book then repeat the same phrases and tap the mattress. I used to play music from the calm app or moshi monsters so that eventually that music became a signal for bedtime.

I won’t lie to you, it took forever and laying him back down when he was trying to climb out for hours was incredibly frustrating but mine went from the behaviour you describe to a bedtime with much less fuss.
I had tried every single sleep training method there was and it’s just a battle of wills in the end.

Good luck with your stubborn little monster

You didn't try hard or for long enough... otherwise it would have worked.

I posted this year's ago at the end of my tether. There is a funny video about this don't know if anyone has posted it about mum begging for firm to sleep it cheered me up.

It's hell but it's par for the course!!

My only suggestion would be a bath every night then in to bed. The body has a physiological response to fall asleep as you cool down.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/search/research-news/3495/#:~:text=A%20Warm%20Bedtime%20Bath%20Can%20Help%20You%20Cool%20Down%20And%20Sleep%20Better&text=Research%20suggests%20a%20warm%20bath,that's%20a%20circadian%20sleep%20signal.

I honestly think some children need a crazy 10 minutes before bed. I’ve stopped fighting it with my toddler now and added an active book into our bedtime routine (it involves lots of stomping around pretending to be dinosaurs).

He falls asleep much faster now than he did when I tried to stop him getting giddy 🤷‍♀️

Because I work from home most of the time and he works in a very high pressured important position that requires a lot of focus, so he needs to sleep.

are you serious??? No. Just no. @duvetstar this is an absolute piece of nonsense you need to push back on. Even IF he was a brain surgeon, which I bloody doubt - I would still be calling bullshit.

No, no, and no again. He parents equally, end of - do NOT back down from this op, or you will wind up burnt out and physically unwell, wondering why you’re so shit at everything while he goes from strength to strength. NO

Sounds to me like he is going to bed wide awake and hyped up -the running around games with his sister, climbing on the table. Rather than tiring him out it's doing the opposite. I find it hard to switch off myself without a very consistent routine. I'd look at rethinking what goes on prior to bed. We always did a nightly bath and either a story (mine loved books but as yours isnt keen you could always try a calming audio book or children's ASMR), warm drink and then no more talking. If they got up I'd gently lay them back down with no engagement and make it all extremely boring but calm. It's so tough OP, you have my sympathies! It will end eventually.

NOTHING more frustrating than trying to get a non-compliant, very awake toddler to go to sleep, as your evening seeps away and you collect bruises from being treated like a climbing frame. All the while knowing that getting angry is not an option as anger is not exactly soothing and sleep-enduring and will just make matters worse. Urgh, I feel you.

Sounds like he might need to go to bed later? Or more aggressively cut his nap perhaps? Good luck x