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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bf inviting friends to holiday over me?

88 replies

hurtgf · 20/10/2023 13:17

Been with my bf a few years for context, don't live together.

He's gone abroad to visit family, and mentioned on more than one occasion that he would love for me to join for part of the trip (I have commitments that mean I couldn't go for more than a few days at the moment). This was his idea. I said it would be really nice, and he was going to ask the family he is staying with and suggested I come for a "long weekend".

However I then found out that he's invited friends instead of me to go out for the weekend... I feel very hurt and upset by this.

He said that we made no definite plans.

AIBU to feel hurt?

OP posts:
HattieIou · 20/10/2023 13:31

That's awful

littlebirdieblu · 20/10/2023 13:45

Yea I'd be upset by this too

Original poster
hurtgf · 20/10/2023 15:42

He seems to think I've no reason to feel sad over this as we hadn't made "solid" plans...

however I feel it's the principle, he's suggested I come but then gone off and made plans for others to come instead

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtgf · 20/10/2023 15:43

The friends are also male and female. So it not that he's decided to have a boys weekend or anything like that.

OP posts:
itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 20/10/2023 15:53

I'd be upset and he'd be upset if you did that to him.
He's shown you where you come in the pecking order, I'd be out of that relationship if I were you.
I wouldn't even end it, I'd just never speak to him again and get on with my life.
You don't owe him the respect of a conversation as he has zero respect for you or your feelings.

Twazique · 20/10/2023 15:57

I would see that as a natural ending of a relationship.

I would drift away and if he says anything I would point out that we had no definite plans.

Plenty more fish in the sea, you don't need one that doesn't prioritise you and justifies hurting you.

2jacqi · 20/10/2023 15:59

why is he not your ex bf??????

Tinkerbyebye · 20/10/2023 16:04

I would be very upset and I would be telling him that you know now where you stand in the relationship, bottom of the pile, with friends put ahead of you, so he need not bother contacting you on your return

Chickychoccyegg · 20/10/2023 16:05

For me that would be the end of the relationship , what a horrible , disrespectful person he is.

Birch101 · 20/10/2023 16:08

Ouch

Original poster
hurtgf · 20/10/2023 16:19

He's texting saying how much he loves me and that he wouldn't intentionally upset me.

I think of the shoe was on the other foot he would feel very upset.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 20/10/2023 16:21

He's clearly not that into you, so do with that information what you will.

SwingTheMonkey · 20/10/2023 16:24

Yep, sorry op. This isn’t one I’d persevere with.

Namerequired · 20/10/2023 16:27

Aquamarine1029 · 20/10/2023 16:21

He's clearly not that into you, so do with that information what you will.

Yep this. He should have at least confirmed if you were up for going before making other plans. I don’t think he’s necessarily ending it but he wants to spend time with them more than you. Is it a new relationship?

Namerequired · 20/10/2023 16:28

Ouch, I just saw it’s a few years! Not as easy as just walking away then probably. Have you been to his family before? Does he usually prioritise you?

PaminaMozart · 20/10/2023 16:30

hurtgf · 20/10/2023 16:19

He's texting saying how much he loves me and that he wouldn't intentionally upset me.

I think of the shoe was on the other foot he would feel very upset.

Words are so, so cheap, @hurtgf .

Stop using words like SAD and HURT !!!
You are not a victim!

In your shoes I'd just go grey rock.
"hurtgf has left the building!"

Let him find another victim mug...

Londonscallingme · 20/10/2023 16:31

It's not really about whether you agreed anything or had definite plans; the issue is he would rather his mates be there than you. That's presumably the case, otherwise he would have invited you instead, right? Has he offered any alternative explanation as to why he invited them?

Original poster
hurtgf · 20/10/2023 16:31

I've stayed with these family members before and I get on well with them as far as I know.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 20/10/2023 16:33

if you have been together a few years and don't live together, where do you both see the relationship going?

coxesorangepippin · 20/10/2023 16:33

Well, the bottom line is that you are not the priority really

I'd move on from that relationship

Createausername1970 · 20/10/2023 16:47

Its not nice and I would be pissed off and hurt too.

Whether you should leave him really depends on whether this is one in a long line of hurts, or whether he is generally a nice person, but was rather thoughtless on this occasion. Someone said to me it was deciding whether to end a relationship because of one bad thing, or keep it going for the many good things. But only you know how it is overall.

I would have said something - which I think you have - and made it clear that whatever HE thinks was said or wasn't said, YOU were under the impression he had issued an invite and you are naturally hurt and disappointed as you feel overlooked - or however you would phrase it.

1990thatsme · 20/10/2023 16:50

I’m a little confused. Is there a reason why you can’t visit the same weekend as his friends? Are they people you dislike?

Ponoka7 · 20/10/2023 16:54

I don't understand why you still can't go. You'd be sharing his bed and it's a mixed group. It would be a deal breaker for me.

Original poster
hurtgf · 20/10/2023 16:54

@1990thatsme because an invitation hasn't been extended to me to join them

OP posts:
1990thatsme · 20/10/2023 16:56

hurtgf · 20/10/2023 16:54

@1990thatsme because an invitation hasn't been extended to me to join them

Sorry, I thought you said he had invited you, and then you were cross because he invited his friends?

So if he didn’t invite you that weekend, why are you angry?

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