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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bf inviting friends to holiday over me?

88 replies

hurtgf · 20/10/2023 13:17

Been with my bf a few years for context, don't live together.

He's gone abroad to visit family, and mentioned on more than one occasion that he would love for me to join for part of the trip (I have commitments that mean I couldn't go for more than a few days at the moment). This was his idea. I said it would be really nice, and he was going to ask the family he is staying with and suggested I come for a "long weekend".

However I then found out that he's invited friends instead of me to go out for the weekend... I feel very hurt and upset by this.

He said that we made no definite plans.

AIBU to feel hurt?

OP posts:
Twazique · 21/10/2023 13:04

So the couple he has invited on holiday do not see him and you as a couple either, as they invited only him on their holiday.

WineHere's to your future OP, its going to be better without him!

LylaLee · 21/10/2023 13:10

He's just not that into you.

There are some people who like the benefits of a relationship.
(1) Someone to listen to your problems, be there for you, encourage you.
(2) regular sex so that one does not need to pay sex workers hundreds of go on the pull

BUT they don't actually like the person that much. They like what they can get.

This guy doesn't sound as if he actually likes you.

Original poster
hurtgf · 21/10/2023 13:25

Twazique · 21/10/2023 13:04

So the couple he has invited on holiday do not see him and you as a couple either, as they invited only him on their holiday.

WineHere's to your future OP, its going to be better without him!

At the time it was said to me it was relayed like it was a very last minute thing, mid week, and obviously I wouldn't be able to join as I couldn't take time off work so suddenly.

He didn't end up going though.

But now that he's invited them to join him on his trip it makes me think why are they all so desperate to "join" each others holidays and why am I not included in this?

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtgf · 21/10/2023 13:27

LylaLee · 21/10/2023 13:10

He's just not that into you.

There are some people who like the benefits of a relationship.
(1) Someone to listen to your problems, be there for you, encourage you.
(2) regular sex so that one does not need to pay sex workers hundreds of go on the pull

BUT they don't actually like the person that much. They like what they can get.

This guy doesn't sound as if he actually likes you.

Makes perfect sense.

I mean we do plan stuff together. We have a winter sun holiday booked.

He's going mad saying that he's uprooted his life for me with work etc and I've ended things over something so silly.

But I feel like if he could be so thoughtless now then what will the future hold if we do move in, start a family etc.

OP posts:
Twazique · 21/10/2023 13:32

Sounds like not only is he gaslighting you he is also starting to bully you as well.

Twazique · 21/10/2023 13:33

You can end a relationship over anything or nothing, but in this case it is very much not something silly or small.

Mybasilplantispastitsbest · 21/10/2023 13:58

God he sounds SO like my boyfriend when I was in my mid twenties and had no self esteem and used to tell myself ‘oh yea of course his friendships are more important than me’ how I WISH I’d had mumsnet back then!

Frasers · 21/10/2023 14:21

He is going mad but he’s still not inviting you is he. Just block op. You don’t need to engage and them unblock when he’s calmed down. He did this, not you.

to be honest I don’t find it odd a single person and a couple. No. I’ve two male friends we invite on their own, one bereaved, one divorced, I see no issue with that. In fact even though they are men, it’s me who does the phoning and inviting.

id find it odd though to invite a couple and not my partner. And this is not just not inviting you, it’s disinviting you. Deliberately not wanting you there. And he’s even now, not willing to give on that, he’s so desperate you don’t join . That’s what I find weird.

Original poster
hurtgf · 21/10/2023 14:33

@Frasers his excuse for why I can't also attend is it's too many people in the family members house.

OP posts:
LylaLee · 21/10/2023 14:35

hurtgf · 21/10/2023 14:33

@Frasers his excuse for why I can't also attend is it's too many people in the family members house.

Further discussion with this person will just be crazy-making.

He wants to be around people he likes. He doesn't like you that much, but he likes the things you do for him and give him.

Block.

Find people who like you.

ThelmaBorden · 21/10/2023 17:16

youtube, the wondrous ChrisPerry, Don’t let no man fool you with his words
another ‘Short’ of wisdom,

I seriously need to work out how to link

Frasers · 21/10/2023 20:53

hurtgf · 21/10/2023 14:33

@Frasers his excuse for why I can't also attend is it's too many people in the family members house.

Don’t you share a bed? Do you need separate rooms?

LylaLee · 21/10/2023 21:37

Frasers · 21/10/2023 20:53

Don’t you share a bed? Do you need separate rooms?

Show quote history

There are designated spots on the sofa, and fire regs say max, um, 3 visitors.

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