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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is your long term partner/spouse the love of your live?

112 replies

Lockeddownagain · 20/10/2023 09:19

I was watching a film yesterday and during it it dawned on me that I don't think my husband and I are the loves of each other life's and that's why we have had such such difficult marriage.

Is you person the love of your life and if so is your relationship easy because of it?

OP posts:

NotQuiteUsual · 20/10/2023 11:53

He absolutely is. Issues are easy to deal with now. They didn't used to be, we were young and immature. Now we're older and better at communicating it's a lot easier to face any issues in our marriage or lives. Ultimately we both want to resolve any conflict before it escalates because we don't to cause each other pain.

I do think you can have a perfectly good marriage with someone who isn't the love of your life though. Marriage for financial security, settling for someone good enough etc. Are all valid reasons for a partnership. Really I'd say marrying for love is a luxury not everyone can afford.

blotchyredanditichy · 20/10/2023 12:01

Totally. Not always easy but totally. Part of me hopes I die first because I can't imagine life without him, part of me worries if that happens as I think he would be lost without me.

clarebear111 · 20/10/2023 12:02

Yes. I have never loved anyone the way I love my DH. For me, he is truly the best of men, and I am grateful every day for his humour, support, love and counsel.

This has been tested by the fact we have had an absolute avalanche of difficult situations to contend with, including (in no particular order) becoming parents for the first time in May 2020, a protracted and extremely stressful property dispute involving tenants (people who were previously known to us and who we thought could be trusted) refusing to leave my family home, my suffering PND after baby number 1, his mother developing a form of alcohol related brain damage which means she will require care for the long term future (in all likelihood, the rest of her life) alongside the usual stresses of balancing work, life and a young family. Through all this, I have never once doubted that he is the right person for me.

I'm currently pregnant with our second child and I count my blessings that he is the father of my children. I don't take him for granted and I don't feel that he takes me for granted either. I grew up in a single parent household, so was pretty sceptical about love and also quite selective about who I dated. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be in a relationship that feels as healthy and happy as this one.

MatildaonMain · 20/10/2023 12:05

Yes, and yes. Every single aspect of my life is better and easier because I have him in it.

i don’t think relationships should routinely be difficult. Life can often be difficult, and you partner should be a teammate who helps you overcome those difficulties. They shouldn’t be one of the things causing you hardship.

I’m sorry things are difficult OP - I hope you find a way forward that works for you and leads to more happiness.

Sooverthemill · 20/10/2023 12:08

Not at all. However he is my rock and has been there through thick and thin during an incredibly tough life which we have had to weather. I love him for all of this but our love has been built. I had all the LOML crap when I was younger. They don’t stick around ime!

Lindtnotlint · 20/10/2023 12:09

absolutely yes. He is my soulmate/love of my life/whatever other soppy term you can invent. I feel incredibly lucky - it’s a wonderful, wonderful thing to have. We don’t have ups and downs, it’s been over twenty years of love and there will never be another one like it for either of us (though of course we both hope the other would find someone else, should the worst happen and one of us die).

The funny thing is that I am a very rational person. I get the reasons why the idea of having one “soulmate” is obviously bollocks. And yet…I seem to to be married to mine.

Laiste · 20/10/2023 12:15

@Lockeddownagain are you ok OP? This is a sad post from you. Have you got kids?

To answer your question:
My first marriage (13 years. Married young) - not the love of my life, a mistake in fact. I knew it from the start, and although i regretted the marriage i would have scoffed at the idea of a soul mate/love of your life type relationship.

2nd marriage (11 years) - yes, he's the love of my life, and no other man could ever replace him. I've never felt like this about anyone else 😃

10HailMarys · 20/10/2023 12:37

Yes, he is ‘the love of my life’ and yes, our relationship is very easy. However, I don’t think it’s easy because he’s the love of my life. If anything, it’s the other way around, ie he’s the love of my life because our relationship works so well.

He isn’t the only man I’ve ever loved, but he is the only man I’ve loved and who makes me happy every day, so that’s why I’d say he’s the love of my life.

I didn’t love my previous partner. The partner before that was someone I loved very much, but he was very manipulative and emotionally unstable and, as it turned out, deceitful - basically a charming narcissist. I loved him hugely at the time, but if I met him again today I’d have nothing but contempt for him!

passiveaggressivenonsense · 20/10/2023 14:12

Maybe not at the beginning but we have grown up and weathered so much together that he definitely is now.

DragonflyLady · 20/10/2023 14:20

Nope. I mean he’s not terrible or anything. But not the man I should be with.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 20/10/2023 14:21

Yup, love of my life! I've known him since I was 14 and knew then.
The relationship itself is pretty easy, we prioritise each other.
We have had our ups and downs ttc for 2.5 years, failed IVF but now we have our beautiful 4 year old daughter.
We've had a pretty shitty year with his health and we're only early 30s, diagnosed with epilepsy, dislocating his shoulders each time he has a seizure and has required x2 surgeries due to fracture and now a benign brain tumour.
The uncertainties and what has been going on has been rough.... stressful etc

But our actual relationship is a strong as ever! He's my forever person

BardRelic · 20/10/2023 14:52

I don't believe in soul mates or destiny, so in that sense, no. However, I love my DP more than I've loved anyone before and if our relationship were to end for some reason, I can't see myself trying to find anyone else. I'm in my 50s, dating is a nightmare and I can't see myself finding anyone else I love half as much. So in that sense yes, he is the love of my life.

Our relationship is easy because we're very compatible in many ways but also because we're mature enough to accept each other for who we are. Foibles that we both have that would drive other people nuts we just accept or actively think are good. I mean. Star Wars lego jokes are not for everyone. But also, practically we want the same things out of life and share very similar values, which cuts down any bickering. Were there other people out there I could potentially have loved as much? Well, probably. There are billions of us, after all. But I met him and so it's him I love. Nobody gets me or accepts me in quite the way he does.

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