Is your long term partner/spouse the love of your live?

[Lockeddownagain]

I was watching a film yesterday and during it it dawned on me that I don't think my husband and I are the loves of each other life's and that's why we have had such such difficult marriage.

Is you person the love of your life and if so is your relationship easy because of it?

Yes. He's my best friend. We have ups and downs, but waking up next to him.in the morning always makes me smile.

I never got to experience teenage love, but I wouldn’t swap it for the still-waters-run-deep, deeply content kind of love I have with my DH of 33 years.

The phrase "love of your life" is sentimental nonsense, cooked up by Hollywood etc. Same as "soulmate". You can be happily married to someone you love without ever needing to put such a strange label on the experience.

Yep. Absolutely. But that does come at the cost of you both caring and loving fiercely.

When I was married before ( and similar for him) neither of us really argued because we just didn’t care enough to bother, but we argue and challenge and test each other to be our best. Because it does matter.

Our highs are super high, so the lows are rock bottom. But I wouldn’t change it back to ‘meh’ ever and I’m pretty sure nor would he!

What do you consider “the love of your life” to mean?

In films the story is there are two people destined to be together and as a result they will always be together. The reality if this is bollocks. There are thousands of people most people could have amazing relationships with, but it will require both parties to be geared towards that outcome and work at it when things are difficult. It also requires some luck in life. There are circumstances that could break most couple who would be fine in other situations.

Of course there are loads of people who are a terrible choice for relationships too. But that requires self awareness and good judgement to see.

If you both have bad relationship skills and expectations then you may find no one is “the love of your life” while you maintain those.

Don’t use fiction as a model for life.

Couldn't be further than the truth - he's not my best friend, or soul mate or love of my life.

Surely it’s more fair to let him go so he can find someone who truly values him?
Poor man.

I don't believe in 'love of lives'. DH and I have a very happy marriage and love each other very much but if we hadn't met each other, we likely would be happy with someone else considering how many people exist in the world.

I am attracted to very difficult people so both people who is have considered the love of my life were very bad for me. Those relationships ended.

Yes, because we are pair bonded and committed to each other. We've had loads of ups and downs and we argue now and then, but I can't ever imagine being with someone else.

The thing I learned is that the love of your life is the person with whom no words are ever left unsaid.

I thought my exh was but there were so many things I brushed over for fear of causing an argument. Not telling him how I felt because he was an arsehole. And his reactions would be that I'm over reacting.

My DP is wholeheartedly my absolute everything. We rarely argue and there's nothing I ever think about or stew over that I can't just openly tell him. He makes me feel loved. Like a teenager. And I'm a greying mid/late 30s slob lol

100%. I was in a relationship with another man for 3 and a half years and we got on well, we were good together, we did love each other. But we were not IN love.

I did a summer away travelling and met my current DH. We clicked straight away and I'd never felt anything like it before. It opened my eyes to a new kind of all consuming, beautiful, soulmate kind of love. Obviously I ditched the other guy! 8 years later we are very happily married, still best friends and love to spend time together. We are going to start trying for a family and I can't wait for this next step together. Couldn't imagine life with anyone else.

I would describe DH as the love of my life. I don’t usually believe in crap like that but we met at uni at 18, had what I describe as a toxic friendship. We got on extremely well but we were young and not ready for a proper relationship so we used to hang out all the time, sleep together and every time it looked like it was going to become something more, one of us would cool it and start dating someone else or distance themselves. But we couldn’t stay away from each other and continued meeting up after we graduated although we were still never a couple. We knew it was unhealthy but we were almost addicted to each other. I tried to end it several times.

At 23 he turned up at the flat I was renting at the time and told me he loved me and wanted us to be together properly, no more messing about this was the real deal. Movie stuff.

Almost 10 years later we have a very healthy, grown up relationship. I can’t shake the feeling that we were meant to be together. It’s lame, I know 😂

The "love of your life" and "the one" and all that is a load of horseshit.

Statistically, how can there only be one designated person for each person? It's such patent nonsense. If people believe this they lack the critical thinking skills to protect themselves against manipulation and love-bombing and deserve all they get, frankly.

My DP is lovely and I'm very happy with him but I would be an idiot to believe he is the only person I could have been happy with.

Yes. Risking to sound like a cliche, but he is my soulmate and best friend. We've been through a lot of good and bad times. I had a MMC last November and he was my rock, I swear I wouldn't have survived it if it wasn't for him by my side ALL THE TIME. Now we're expecting out first baby and he's been an amazing support throughout pregnancy as well.

Yes. He’s the only person I could sit with for hours, in silence and feel perfectly happy.

Not that it happens often as we chat constantly.
Ive always hated snoring, anyones snoring drives me to the brink of tears, apart from his snoring….that’s how I know he’s the love of my life ☺️ (and he brings me Jaffa cakes home)

Yes. He’s the only person I could sit with for hours, in silence and feel perfectly happy.

This for me too. Companionable silence is a wonderful thing.

I agree! It also often goes with a really unpleasant kind of smugness.

I've been married 30-ish years, and nobody is planning a new patio (as far as I know!), but how can I possibly know if he is the one great love of my life, until my life is at least nearly over? He is the one person I turn to, and the person I call for when I want to talk about something funny or sad, and he's a cracking shag. I have neither the time or the patience to be worrying if there might have been a better choice, or a greater love. We chose each other and that choice was made for life. That in itself is a huge thing, IMO, and it is enough. I don't need to compare our relationship to something that might, theoretically, be better.

My husband claims that I am definitely the love of his life, but I am literally his only love- he had no interest in relationships until he met me, we married very quickly and that was over 30 years ago. He is also much more romantic than me, which is nice. He provides the sentiment and I remember that the MOT is due, or the tup needs to be let out.

Yes, absolutely. He's the only person I've been in love with.

'Love of your life' and 'The one' aren't really the same thing are they? The latter is made up rom com shit that there is one person in the whole world suitable for you and miraculously you find them. The former is about you and your life and how you feel about your current partner vs others or just your long term future.

Yes. We grew together. We work hard at putting each other first. And when we are alone together without stress or demands it is wonderful.
It's pretty good the rest of the time too, which is lucky as life has a lot of demands.

Absolutely my husband is.
He is everything, and I'm thankful for him everyday.

Yes and yes. Easiest relationship I've ever been in.

Yes.

I actively choose to be married to him every single day.

We’ve had some horrific tragedies in our lives, but being together has made them easier.

Films are not real. Marriage is two people who make a life together and work hard on their relationship. I don't believe in 'love of your life' or soulmates, it's unrealistic. And you cant rely on one person to give you everything you need in life, it's important to have friends and family as well.

My first h and I got along well for about 18 years. We had a very strong physical attraction but actually we didn't really think alike. We disagreed about so many things. The last 2 years were not so good. He cheated on me and I was upset but after we divorced I realised it had enabled me to split up with him not feeling guilty because he was the one that cheated. My DH now and I are mentally much more in tune with each other. We think alike. We share views on big things. I don't need to explain myself all the time because he already understands. He has helped me bring up my youngest son who has ADHD since he was 7. Not only that he has built a really solid relationship with my DC that will last even if I died. He's over most one day weekends helping my youngest DS with DIY on his house he bought 8 weeks ago. My 2 DGS's adore him. He always puts me first and makes me feel special, loved and secure. He spoils me outrageously too which tbh I do really like and appreciate. He's just a lovely human being and very considerate. We go to nice places together, we've have built a business together and we take time just for the 2 of us.