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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sensitive * To tell new partner I'm pregnant even though I want an abortion

100 replies

Janisjoplinn · 19/10/2023 18:10

Hi

I've just found out I'm pregnant. Contraception failure. I've been seeing him less than 4 months. I'm certain I want an abortion. I already have children and I definitely don't want anymore for a number of reasons.

Things with new man are going really well. However my gut is telling me not to tell him. I don't want to talk it through, I know my decision, and I feel by telling him I could potentially cause alot of upset. We live in a small village, I know that even if he supported me and was fine, he obviously may tell a friend and it would more than likely become village gossip no matter how unintentional. I don't even want to tell any of my friends.

I'm literally due my period tomorrow. I've done 2 tests both positives although faint, it's obvious it's 2 lines.

I'm hoping I can be sent the pills in the post. I live in a small place and a friend had an abortion before covid and it was an absoloute mission to get to the clinic, and more harrowing than it needed to be in my opinion. She was only 5 weeks pregnant at the time. I know during covid they sent pills out by post, is that still an option?

I'm concerned that due to high blood pressure which im medicated for I'll have to go in and see someone. Obviously if I have to I will but I was hoping someone may know the answer to this. I also have a bmi of 35, has this caused any problems for anyone?

Really appreciate any advice/ support.
Thanks for reading

OP posts:
Helenahandkart · 19/10/2023 18:34

Your body. Your choice.
In your position I wouldn’t say anything. You could land yourself in the middle of an unnecessary drama.
I had an abortion when I was 20 and have never regretted it for a second, despite infertility when I was eventually ready to become a mother. I still know that it would have been a terrible idea to have had that baby.
You know best about whether you should have a baby at the moment. It’s no one else’s business. Do what’s right for you.

MatildaTheCat · 19/10/2023 18:35

Speak to your GP who will advise on your local processes.

I wouldn’t tell the new man either if your mind is made up. What would you gain unless he was incredibly supportive?

YeahIsaidit · 19/10/2023 18:35

If you're certain that you do not want the baby, I see no reason to tell your partner. I'm sure others will be along to say that it's dishonest or what have you but there is no need for further emotions to be brought into an already sensitive issue, you have to do right by yourself and your children.

I am sorry I cannot comment on the effects of pills or how easily they can be obtained. I hope you're alright x

EspressoMacchiato · 19/10/2023 18:35

I concur, say nothing.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/10/2023 18:36

I wouldn’t tell him. What’s the point?

Frisate · 19/10/2023 18:37

Your body, your choice. Do what’s best for you, that’s the only thing that matters.

QueenBitch666 · 19/10/2023 18:38

I certainly wouldn't tell him

Universalsnail · 19/10/2023 18:39

I wouldn't tell him.

INeedAnotherName · 19/10/2023 18:40

If you are 100% certain you do not want him then please do not tell him. What is the point? What if he really wants to keep it, then what? Some things are best not talked about as it can cause more harm in the long run.

fourlambbhunas · 19/10/2023 18:41

Your body, your choice. Do what you need to do 🤍

Debini · 19/10/2023 18:47

I agree with PPs about it being your choice but I think if you see a real future with this man it would be a hard thing to keep from him long term x

WeeOrcadian · 19/10/2023 18:47

Your body - your choice

I'd recommend getting something else sorted by way of contraception too, I'm not trying to stick the boot in, I imagine this is stressful enough and something more permanent will help put your mind at ease

Good luck

swallowedAfly · 19/10/2023 18:48

Do what's right for you. No idea about pills by post - pills weren't a thing when I was younger and had a termination. Guessing there are advice lines you can call and find out your options.

WanderingWitches · 19/10/2023 18:49

I agree with the others, you don't need to tell him if you don't want to. It's your body and your decision.

RedSuedePump · 19/10/2023 18:50

i wouldn’t tell him.

Anonymouslyposting · 19/10/2023 19:05

Going against the grain I probably would tell him. If you stay together long term and he finds out/you tell him later then you having not told him could be a trust issue for him - it would be for me in his position, not because he should have a say in what you do but because (a) it’s a big thing not to tell your partner and (b) he might be a great support to you if you find it difficult.

But while I would tell him I wouldn’t judge you for not doing - it’s your choice.

Whataretheodds · 19/10/2023 19:07

I would tell him because

  1. how he responds will tell you a lot
  2. you will, inevitably, have some down moments because of hormones/physical process/emotion. Are you just expecting yourself to be sparky smiley new woman he's dating so that he doesn't suspect anything? How will you feel when he continues as you have been and you don't feel up to it, he will feel confused/rejected and you're likely to feel resentful?
MrsHughesPinny · 19/10/2023 19:09

I wouldn’t. It’s not going to change your mind so there’s no point telling him.

momtoboys · 19/10/2023 19:10

I would not tell him in your position.

MaybeItsJustTimeToStop · 19/10/2023 19:11

If you call Marie stopes they should be able to advise on local provision and if at home is an option.

OrangeySmorangy · 19/10/2023 19:13

It happened to me. I said nothing.

Nowherenew · 19/10/2023 19:14

YANBU

Its not going to help by telling him, so there’s no point.

Of course it may cause issues in the future but I think this situation is stressful enough without having this extra pressure on top.

I don’t think they’d send the pills in the post though.
Give them a ring and explain and see what they see.

Nowherenew · 19/10/2023 19:16

FWIW I told someone I was seeing that I was pregnant and he completely turned on me.

He even told his friends who turned on me too and one demanded (basically threatened me) that he’s coming to the clinic to prove I’d had it done.

I was planning on having the abortion anyway but I thought telling him was the right thing to do.

I guess it showed me his true colours but I regretted telling him as it made everything so much more stressful.

Olika · 19/10/2023 19:22

I wouldn't tell

AmazingSnakeHead · 19/10/2023 19:26

I also wouldn't tell, it's none of his business