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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a shower with 6 month old in the bathroom

115 replies

Jelllytot · 19/10/2023 12:32

Ok so I haven't had a shower in TWO days (DH is on a work trip) and was hoping to have one while my 6 month old was napping but she woke up before I could. Anyway, I fed her, changed her nappy, she was happy as Larry so I stuck her in her chair that has a busy board on it and placed her in the doorway of the bathroom.

Got undressed and started the shower. About a minute in she started crying very hard. Like she was scared 🥺 so I got out and cuddled her but she was looking at me like she wasn't convinced about me.

Is it abnormal to shower with very little babies in the bathroom?
She's breastfed so my boobs flopping out shouldn't have looked weird.
I mean I always have my hair up so maybe she saw a mass of big black hair around me and got scared?
Or maybe she thought the shower was attacking me?

But AIBU to have tried to shower with her in there?

I won't be doing it again because she seemed terrified but it wasn't something I thought was very wrong..

OP posts:
KnittedCardi · 19/10/2023 14:53

Mine always came in with me, the bath or the shower. Unless they really hate water, and some do, it's fun and passes the time with play too.

bronzetomato · 19/10/2023 14:54

Just pointing this out, but calling your body grotesque, and even thinking for a minute that a baby could possibly have any negative feelings towards a human body, in particular one that presumably has just given birth, is something you should think about. Not in a be ashamed of yourself way, but as a way of being conscious about how society has made you feel and whether you wish to try to counteract that when bringing up your child by purposefully not commenting on your own or other people's appearance.

wingingit1987 · 19/10/2023 15:05

Mum of 5 here- with a husband who often works away. I shower every single day with our baby in the bathroom. I’d never manage to get washed otherwise.

SantaBarbaraMonica · 19/10/2023 15:13

Jelllytot · 19/10/2023 12:34

Or maybe she was horrified at the sight of my grotesque naked body

Thats not funny. Makes me feel so sad that it would even cross your mind.

she was probably a bit scared by the shower noise but would likely get used to that very fast. You will have looked a bit different and smell different but it’s good for her to start being exposed to different senses. So I’d put her chair in front of the shower and talk to her and play peekaboo etc from the shower. She should get comfortable with it fast. Especially if you make it daily routine which is win win.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 19/10/2023 15:14

Mine always goes in a bouncer in the bathroom whilst I shower. I did the same with my first until he was 9 months and outgrew the bouncer. After that I couldn’t shower if I was alone with him and he was awake as didn’t have anywhere safe to leave him.

TeaGinandFags · 19/10/2023 15:18

At 6 months she's still a baby. She just wants her mum close and that's what babies have done to survive.

As for upur groyrsque naked body: it's probably disappointingly ordinary and to your little ones, is the most beautiful body in Creation simply because it's your body and they love you unconditionally.

Unlres you have two heads and scales - in which case Mumsnet will demand pictures - you're simply sharing a private and innocent bonding moment with your baby. Enjoy it while you can.

notquitesoyoung · 19/10/2023 16:06

I did it from when both DC were tiny, it usually sent them to sleep. Why in the doorway? Presuming that means the bathroom door isn't closed. Running a shower (or bath) with the door open is really not good. The steam needs to go out via an extractor fan or window from the bathroom - not allowed to escape into the rest of the house. Damp problem waiting to happen.

onwardsup4 · 19/10/2023 16:15

RubyGemStone · 19/10/2023 13:16

Seriously, take more time for yourself. Not being able to shower for 2 days because you can't leave her for 15 minutes isn't good for you in the long run.

There's not really any need to leave them for 15 minutes if not asleep. Shower when they're asleep , or like me master the 45 second emergency shower.

Original poster
Jelllytot · 19/10/2023 16:17

Ponderingwindow · 19/10/2023 14:35

I can’t figure out if this thead is earnest or a joke.

do you never shower with the baby instead of giving her a bath? Mine hated baths but loved showers. Much easier with a second adult though. I also liked to wear cotton gloves to hold her for extra traction, but I’m a bit prone to worry and they really aren’t necessary.

Nope, I've always given her a bath! I am worried that the shower water will come out too forcefully on her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jelllytot · 19/10/2023 16:19

notquitesoyoung · 19/10/2023 16:06

I did it from when both DC were tiny, it usually sent them to sleep. Why in the doorway? Presuming that means the bathroom door isn't closed. Running a shower (or bath) with the door open is really not good. The steam needs to go out via an extractor fan or window from the bathroom - not allowed to escape into the rest of the house. Damp problem waiting to happen.

Because I was worried it would get too hot and steamy for her with the door shut.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 19/10/2023 16:21

Hermittrismegistus · 19/10/2023 12:35

I just left the baby in the cot in the bedroom while I showered. Never understood the need to take them into the bathroom.

Same here.

TheShellBeach · 19/10/2023 16:22

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 19/10/2023 15:14

Mine always goes in a bouncer in the bathroom whilst I shower. I did the same with my first until he was 9 months and outgrew the bouncer. After that I couldn’t shower if I was alone with him and he was awake as didn’t have anywhere safe to leave him.

His cot, surely?

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/10/2023 16:27

Genuine question -

why not just leave baby awake or otherwise in cot while you shower?

SisterAgatha · 19/10/2023 16:29

YANBU. Two of mine had to be with me so I’d just take them in, in the bouncy chair. The other one I could leave in the cot and he was fine.

cestlavielife · 19/10/2023 16:30

Just have your shower
Shd is safe
Ignore her crying

Original poster
Jelllytot · 19/10/2023 16:30

Thank you everyone for your replies. I'll just answer all the points in one post.

I don't usually have time to shower during her naps.. She has two naps. During her morning nap I make her lunch and do cleaning and cooking. It usually lasts 30min-1hour, except today I had pre-prepped her lunch from yesterday so I thought I'd have extra time. Her afternoon nap I clean up the mess from lunch and the various messes that have been made throughout the day. When she's awake we read, do messy play, take a walk etc.

It is gross for me too to not have a shower in two days but it's been a tricky one for me because I've had a falling out with family (I wrote an AIBU thread about it and how I'm overwhelmed by their visits and videocalls)

Writing this post has been quite revelatory for me. Having a baby has sadly changed me for the worse. I worry a lot nowadays and it's something I have had CBT for (but my sessions are over). I have always left DC with DH when showering and tbh when DC and I are at home alone I never really leave her alone.. i don't know what the 'norm' is for leaving her alone and if I need to do something that isn't for her I just put her on the floor on a mat or bouncer to do that thing.

And I am having such an awful time with confidence and my body. I am nearly 100kg and just so upset with it all. I can't do a bunch of stuff physically after the birth but hoping over time to get back as I progress with physio. I would never speak like I did in the post in front of DC and am super conscious about the language I use in front of her

OP posts:
Original poster
Jelllytot · 19/10/2023 16:33

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/10/2023 16:27

Genuine question -

why not just leave baby awake or otherwise in cot while you shower?

I was just worried if she hurts herself while I'm away.

Eg. In the cot she might fall back and hit her head on the rails (she is still wobble when she sits) or just get her arm in an awkward position when she's rolling over (which she does do sometimes)

OP posts:
SnapdragonToadflax · 19/10/2023 16:59

Do you have a video monitor? You can keep an eye on her while you shower.

Leave her lying down in her cot, then she can't fall back. I've just checked photos of my son at six months in his cot - he could roll around, but he couldn't pull himself up so was perfectly safe left in there. The mobile features heavily in photos at that time! 😂We had a mechanical Fisher Price one which we got off Marketplace for about £10. Absolute godsend.

Wrongsideofpennines · 19/10/2023 17:05

I'm astounded you got to 6 months without doing this before. Both of mine have been in the bathroom with me since about a week old. 2yo now often showers with me.

Baby was probably just scared of the noise and that you disappeared. Around 6-7 months the separation anxiety gets worse so it may gave been that too.

xyz111 · 19/10/2023 17:06

It was probably just different for her. I did this all the time.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 19/10/2023 18:15

TheShellBeach · 19/10/2023 16:22

His cot, surely?

Show quote history

Yeh I either get up early to shower before he wakes up or wait until he’s napping but I don’t just put him in his cot outside of nap time so that I can shower as I would worry that would mess up his sleep routine. This is once he was 9 months.

Mumaway · 19/10/2023 18:47

I always showered with the baby in the bathroom if not in the shower with me. How else do you manage??

TheShellBeach · 19/10/2023 18:52

Mumaway · 19/10/2023 18:47

I always showered with the baby in the bathroom if not in the shower with me. How else do you manage??

I had four children and I never once had a shower with a baby or child in the bathroom.

I am surprised that so many people seem to.

I always washed in the morning before the children were up and bathed in the evening once they were all in bed.

PeloMom · 19/10/2023 19:15

It’s fine. Do it more so she gets used to it

WillowCraft · 19/10/2023 19:18

Lovemychair · 19/10/2023 12:43

At that age I used to take dd into the shower with me and wash us both at the same time.

How can you wash yourself while holding a slippery wet baby? That sounds like a terrible idea - must be a high chance of dropping them. Have a bath together would be safer

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