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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or should big kids not be in baby section of softplay

117 replies

TeeedleDum · 18/10/2023 23:27

I've just started going to softplays with my 8-month old baby over the past couple of weeks as he's crawling around, pulling to stand and it's nice to let him play somewhere safe.

There are three around us that I've tried a couple of times and all have an under two's section (with a sign saying this). Every time I've gone there have been bigger kids in there - I would guess ranging from 4-8yr olds. They dash around as kids do and it feels quite unsafe for a baby. I have been shielding baby but have been kicked/ knocked multiple times and had my pony tail pulled. On two occasions my baby has been playing with a block and bigger kids (at least 5yr old) have come up and pulled it off him. The first time this happened I said to the little girl 'shall we maybe let the baby keep one block' and she shouted no in my face.

There seems to be no effort from the parents to supervise their kids or keep them out the under 2's section. I don't really want to tell a child myself to leave as I wouldn't want to upset them but it's hard to know which kid is with which parent.

Is this normal behaviour for soft plays? AIBU to think bigger kids shouldn't be coming into the baby section or is this just an accepted norm and I'm being uptight and out the loop?

OP posts:
AvengedQuince · 19/10/2023 20:03

Ratfinkstinkypink · 19/10/2023 20:00

@AvengedQuince You're right, maybe it should be marked as for "under X age or pre-walkers"? That way both groups would be able to access the area without raising eyebrows.

Yes, this would be a good idea

Ratfinkstinkypink · 19/10/2023 20:08

Warum · 19/10/2023 20:02

It's a shame there aren't SEN sessions, where at least you might find some more understanding fellow parents.

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What happens when your child with a disability/SEN is invited to go with their NT counterparts? I was hoping we were moving towards a more inclusive society, not remaining in a discriminatory one.

Warum · 19/10/2023 20:15

Ratfinkstinkypink · 19/10/2023 20:08

What happens when your child with a disability/SEN is invited to go with their NT counterparts? I was hoping we were moving towards a more inclusive society, not remaining in a discriminatory one.

Show quote history

People are twats, sadly.
I'm not suggesting anyone with a SEN child shouldn't be able to go at other times, more that a time specially set aside might also be a good idea.

Lwrenagain · 19/10/2023 20:22

@Warum they don't do specific sessions as such but myself and I few of the mums at the SEN school chip in and hire out a place that throws soft play parties so we don't have to deal with our little ones traumatising the general public 🙈🤣

It is a shame these places don't offer sen specific sessions though, but hopefully in time it'll be something they do ☺

Ratfinkstinkypink · 19/10/2023 20:27

It would I think, but even a special SEN session might not work for little ones like mine, in SEN sessions there are still lots of mobile children so he would still be at risk on the floor.

Warum · 19/10/2023 20:28

Lwrenagain · 19/10/2023 20:22

@Warum they don't do specific sessions as such but myself and I few of the mums at the SEN school chip in and hire out a place that throws soft play parties so we don't have to deal with our little ones traumatising the general public 🙈🤣

It is a shame these places don't offer sen specific sessions though, but hopefully in time it'll be something they do ☺

Sorry if you think I was meaning SEN kids wouldn't be welcome, because I wouldn't have thought that at all (DS far too old for SP now so past tense), more that I was just thinking that other SEN might be less judgemental/more understanding of children who might have different ways of enjoying themselves and/or need extra support. Of course I don't want you to hide away and I'm sorry if it read that way.

Goldbar · 19/10/2023 20:29

YANBU but I've found it tricky with siblings though.

My 5yo, although high energy, is a gentle, laid-back soul and loves playing with their 1yo crawling sibling in the baby area... stacking blocks, clapping them, encouraging them down the slide.

I know the 5yo shouldn't really be in there though, so our compromise is that they're only allowed in there if there are no other children apart from our baby. I send them out to the big kids section if any other children comes in.

Warum · 19/10/2023 20:30

Ratfinkstinkypink · 19/10/2023 20:27

It would I think, but even a special SEN session might not work for little ones like mine, in SEN sessions there are still lots of mobile children so he would still be at risk on the floor.

Yes, it might not be ideal, it was just a thought.

Tortugaa · 19/10/2023 20:31

At our local one a member of staff would periodically check and throw the older ones out. I used to bring my older child in with me deliberately sometimes as I didn’t want to leave them unsupervised while I was in there with my baby. I made sure they behaved though.

MadeFrom100percentPears · 19/10/2023 20:35

I have a 1 and a 4 year old and the 1 year old cannot play unsupervised. Often the four year old wants to play with me and baby brother in the baby bit despite the attractions of the more grown up part and I do let him but only as I am there to supervise and I always tell him that he needs to be mindful we are in the baby bit. He plays nicely with the other babies but if the baby bit becomes full I will move mine to the main bit and brave the bigger section with the baby in tow. I have told off other children if they are playing too roughly in the baby bit. To be honest this is why I seldom go to soft play anymore as I find it too hard work to enable both children to enjoy themselves. I agree with you though. Baby bit is for babies first and foremost and if we were asked to move I wouldn't be offended.

Lwrenagain · 19/10/2023 20:54

@Warum you're completely right! Unfortunately the public aren't always kind to children who do the flapping or rocking with headphones etc and whilst we can all strive for inclusiveness for our sen kids, the problem is there is always someone without the emotional intelligence that doesn't understand our kids aren't to be mocked, feared or stared at.
Having a group of parents who won't judge you if your DC is just twiddling a ball or biting their t shirt (mine bites his clothes when he's excited and it I appreciate it looks strange) but that would be bliss to have that.

I used to do the whole stay calm and try and educated people who didn't seem to understand my son and who copied his noises etc, then I snapped one day and realised if people in the 2020s still can't accept people with disabilities then that on them and they can go be ignorant away from me 🤣

Danielle9891 · 19/10/2023 20:55

This is why I've stopped going to our local soft play. My daughter was just over a year and wasn't even walking and kids about 5-7 were jumping over the little fence and chasing each other. It's a large soft play with a small ball pool and a few soft toys in the under 2s while there is a 2-5 area and a 6+ area with loads of slides and that. It's just not safe for a baby. The staff and parents didn't care.

Sjh15 · 19/10/2023 21:26

I 100% agree with you OP.
no, bigger kids should not be in the baby section. It’s irritating and unfair for babies.
the only exception I’d make is if an older sibling wanted to play with their baby sibling if they were sitting sensibly.

unfortunately not a lot you can do unless the staff move them. Try and go during term times if you can.

stichguru · 19/10/2023 22:31

I would mention it to staff. However I'm also weary of being too strict with these things. My son has always tracked about taller than average. There was definitely a time when he was 3-4 and in 6-7 clothing. He's now 10 and in 13-14 clothing with size 10 feet! So yes there was a time when he needed the ease of a toddler area and needed me to watch him like you would a toddler, but looked like he was too big for it.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 19/10/2023 22:47

MadeFrom100percentPears · 19/10/2023 20:35

I have a 1 and a 4 year old and the 1 year old cannot play unsupervised. Often the four year old wants to play with me and baby brother in the baby bit despite the attractions of the more grown up part and I do let him but only as I am there to supervise and I always tell him that he needs to be mindful we are in the baby bit. He plays nicely with the other babies but if the baby bit becomes full I will move mine to the main bit and brave the bigger section with the baby in tow. I have told off other children if they are playing too roughly in the baby bit. To be honest this is why I seldom go to soft play anymore as I find it too hard work to enable both children to enjoy themselves. I agree with you though. Baby bit is for babies first and foremost and if we were asked to move I wouldn't be offended.

The thing is though, when older children see other older children in the baby bit, they think oh we can go in there too.

underneaththeash · 19/10/2023 22:54

You say ‘sweetie you’re too big to be in here it’s just for little ones, you need to go and play over there’.
they move, (you do have to repeat this multiple times though).

Odellio · 20/10/2023 00:37

Lol I just tell them they aren’t under 2 so can’t be in there and they get out.

AelinGalathynius · 20/10/2023 01:13

YANBU. The first time I took my eldest to soft play, she was around 10 months old and in the baby area. The moment she let go of me and started exploring by herself, a bunch of older kids appeared out of nowhere running at full speed, she lost her balance, fell on her bum and although she wasn’t hurt she was terrified, lots of tears and there was no prying her off me again after that. Little kids should feel safe to play in the little kids area, not worry if they’re about to be trampled by a 4 year old who shouldn’t be there! I’ve had similar with bigger kids pushing past my tiny 2yo when she’s climbing because they can’t be bothered to wait (her legs are small, she takes longer to climb 😂) and it annoys me so much, if they’re so impatient then go play in the bigger part with the faster kids!

I do agree it’s trickier with siblings, sometimes my 5 year old wants to play with my 2 year old, but I soon learned it’s best to just say “no, sorry but this bit is just for little kids”, because if I allow her in I’ll blink and find all her school friends followed her in!

caringcarer · 20/10/2023 02:21

snoremcsnoreson · 18/10/2023 23:35

Whilst I understand your OP... my son is 2 and wears size 5 clothes, he's a big boy. He looks older than he is but his mind is definitely that of a 2 year old!
Should I stop him from accessing the younger area of soft-play?

Unless you have a paid member of staff checking birth certificates at the gate, these things will happen.

If he's 2 and the baby section is under 2 then yes. He can go in the older area especially as he's a big boy.

Flossflower · 20/10/2023 02:36

For all these people giving reasons why their child who is over the age of the baby section should be there you are wrong. Surely the problem is if the child trips and lands on the younger child. There may be a time when it is just not possible for you to take 2 children to soft play on your own but that will only be for a short period in your child’s life.
A local soft play also limits any child over 5 feet from going in at all, except at private events. There is a bar to measure you and they check you are not bending your knees. This is to prevent injuries caused by older children falling on younger ones.

Thepossibility · 20/10/2023 03:22

stylishnot · 19/10/2023 18:51

But he shouldn't be there regardless of anything else? He's 4, it doesn't matter that he wasn't bothering anyone

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Wtf. My jaw dropped reading your heartless response there. Where SHOULD he be, according to you?

NerrSnerr · 20/10/2023 04:31

@stylishnot what's your alternative then for children with SEN who can't use the older area (for whatever reason?). Or should they stay at home or only go to special SEN sessions for things so they can stay out of everyone's way?

What an awful attitude to have.

onthenightfeed · 20/10/2023 04:34

ColleenDonaghy · 19/10/2023 06:45

YANBU, but three and four year olds are still little (not that they seem it when your first is 8 months) and very much still learning about sharing and taking turns, especially when all hyped up at soft play. YANBU that the parents should be intervening though.

Am I the only one thinking that taking an 8 month old to soft play is crackers though? Avoid avoid avoid until they're big enough to run around and play a bit more independently. We hardly went until the party invitations started, now we seem to be there every weekend. Don't do that to yourself until you have to! The bigger ones get so much more out of it too.

I take my 8 mo to soft play because it's nice for him to have somewhere completely padded and safe to practice climbing as there isn't anything suitable at home! He's taken his first few steps so it's also nice for him to be able to practice that in a completely safe environment. You can see the confidence on his little face when he topples over and it doesn't hurt whatsoever.

I go on weekdays though when it's quiet and usually with a group of us with similar age babies. The younger ones get a lot out of watching the slightly older / more confident ones in terms of learning to crawl etc. Not sure I would attempt it at a weekend or in the school holidays though as I know that there would be bigger kids running rampage and so it wouldn't be the nice safe space I'm going for.

LolaSmiles · 20/10/2023 05:46

The thing is though, when older children see other older children in the baby bit, they think oh we can go in there too
They know they shouldn't be in the baby area though. Older kids know the difference between another child doing something they should and something they shouldn't.

There's lots of children in soft play who don't go charging around the baby area. They know how to behave and probably have parents who supervise from a distance, or on the occasion they tried to go in the baby area, told them it's not acceptable.

ColleenDonaghy · 20/10/2023 06:37

Horrified at some of the comments about DC with SEN in this thread. Of course they can use the baby section if they can't safely go into the big bit.