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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or should big kids not be in baby section of softplay

117 replies

TeeedleDum · 18/10/2023 23:27

I've just started going to softplays with my 8-month old baby over the past couple of weeks as he's crawling around, pulling to stand and it's nice to let him play somewhere safe.

There are three around us that I've tried a couple of times and all have an under two's section (with a sign saying this). Every time I've gone there have been bigger kids in there - I would guess ranging from 4-8yr olds. They dash around as kids do and it feels quite unsafe for a baby. I have been shielding baby but have been kicked/ knocked multiple times and had my pony tail pulled. On two occasions my baby has been playing with a block and bigger kids (at least 5yr old) have come up and pulled it off him. The first time this happened I said to the little girl 'shall we maybe let the baby keep one block' and she shouted no in my face.

There seems to be no effort from the parents to supervise their kids or keep them out the under 2's section. I don't really want to tell a child myself to leave as I wouldn't want to upset them but it's hard to know which kid is with which parent.

Is this normal behaviour for soft plays? AIBU to think bigger kids shouldn't be coming into the baby section or is this just an accepted norm and I'm being uptight and out the loop?

OP posts:

PenguinRainbows · 19/10/2023 05:27

@snoremcsnoreson Or you could just bother parenting your own kid

snoremcsnoreson · 19/10/2023 05:56

@PenguinRainbows Who I earth said I wasn't parenting my own child? I'm with him fully. I get glances as he is so big. No problems with his behaviour at all. Jumping to conclusions there, no?

snoremcsnoreson · 19/10/2023 05:57

*who on earth (sorry about the typo, I'm busy/hands-on parenting my child lol)

GRex · 19/10/2023 05:58

You need to get better at telling the older kids to leave OP. Firm and clear "This area is only for babies, go and play in that area."

I don't know why there is never big blocks area for 3-6yo who love piling them up BTW, that's what draws a lot of them in.

Witchinawell · 19/10/2023 06:00

I have a big boy too, he’s now 4 but has always worn older clothes. As he’s big and strong for his age, when he used to go into the baby part, I’d get up and supervise as I can totally understand the OP being nervous about bigger kids bumping or running into a baby.

AvengedQuince · 19/10/2023 06:05

I would have read under 2s as being 2 and under.
That would then be under three. Under two means zero or one.

Brefugee · 19/10/2023 06:12

snoremcsnoreson · 18/10/2023 23:35

Whilst I understand your OP... my son is 2 and wears size 5 clothes, he's a big boy. He looks older than he is but his mind is definitely that of a 2 year old!
Should I stop him from accessing the younger area of soft-play?

Unless you have a paid member of staff checking birth certificates at the gate, these things will happen.

You should be making sure he's not rushing around knocking over the babies?

snoremcsnoreson · 19/10/2023 06:14

@Brefugee Who said my child was knocking over babies? Absolutely not! He's just big! Another poster jumping to conclusions, i see.

Brefugee · 19/10/2023 06:16

snoremcsnoreson · 19/10/2023 06:14

@Brefugee Who said my child was knocking over babies? Absolutely not! He's just big! Another poster jumping to conclusions, i see.

You're being very defensive over OP's reasonable concern. If you're not one of the idiot parents, nobody means you.

Mumof2teens79 · 19/10/2023 06:18

snoremcsnoreson · 18/10/2023 23:35

Unless you have a paid member of staff checking birth certificates at the gate, these things will happen.

Yes, under 2 means not yet 2, not up to 3.
So yes you should supervise him and yes he shouldn't be in an area for "under 2s"

Especially mid week when 5+ are mostly in school.

Staff should monitor this
Other parents should say something to kids who are old enough to know better/understand

And instead of going by age (0-2 is a huge bracket) more soft play should have spaces described as babies/non-walkers and then tots or toddlers

Spidersfreakmeout · 19/10/2023 06:19

I remember so well all the incidents when my babies were small, of children older than then rampaging through the baby soft play area and parents not taking a blind bit of notice. My children almost went flying on several occasions. My children are always gentle and considerate around younger children's play spaces now and will stay out of them. It’s just such inconsiderate parenting!

Blackcoffee1 · 19/10/2023 06:22

Ask the child how old they are
Ask them to leave

Children are not aliens and you can talk to them.

Staff will make announcements over the tannoy. Last time we were at soft play, the tannoy kept repeatedly going off asking children over 4 to leave the 4s-and-under area. The old bigger child in there was my (very tall) four-year-old. Pissed me and DH right off. I wish the parent behind it had either talked to my DD or talked to me. Tall children are still allowed to play (and she wasn’t being boisterous).

RedRobyn2021 · 19/10/2023 06:22

Yes all the time. I don't go on weekends or school holidays because it's complete carnage, the older children are feral

LolaSmiles · 19/10/2023 06:24

The but my 2 year old is the size of a 5 year old is irrelevant to the OP's situation, because surely any responsible parent with a 2 year old (of any size) would be appropriately supervising them, no? And because they're 2 they'll play like a 2 year old? So they're not going to be charging around unsupervised in a way that's unsafe, surely?

It's fairly obvious in terms of play, development and communication the difference between an unusually tall 2 year old and 5+ year olds who are charging around a baby area, making physical contact with parents who are trying to play with their babies, removing toys and blocks from the babies, and shouting at other parents who challenge them.
The OP isn't asking about unusually tall 2 year olds who are well behaved but the size of a 5 year old. She's asking about older children charging around, and anyone who has spent 10 minutes in soft play will know what she means.

HoppingPavlova · 19/10/2023 06:28

A girl who must have been about 5 was collecting everything in the area, so the babies had nothing left. Then both her parents came and sat in the baby area with her!? I felt awkward for them, but they didn't care at all! Completely oblivious

Why not say something. You don’t need to be aggressive, just passive aggressive🤣. ‘Wow, your girl looks really developed for a 2yo, do you have others who have been like this, or just this one?’ Etc etc. If they play the PA game back ‘oh, no, not 2yo, just likes being in here, tinkly laugh’, then game on. Then you go down the route of ‘oh, it’s okay, not everyone understands about areas with age limits and why. That’s okay, happy to explain’, and then fire off in an unemotional and factual way without drawing breath or letting them interrupt and make it REALLY REALLY prolonged so that the option of death is even preferable to leaving by the time you have finally finished. I do this all the time with queue jumpers if we are then stuck in transport together ‘no, it’s okay, I see you don’t understand the concept of a queue, not a problem, happy to explain’, and then I can draw that out to 3 or 4 bus/train stops. Guaranteed they will never do it again, not because they understand it’s wrong, but they will never want to be stuck with a fat old woman giving the longest lecture ever, again in their lives.

Nosleepforthismum · 19/10/2023 06:29

snoremcsnoreson · 18/10/2023 23:35

Unless you have a paid member of staff checking birth certificates at the gate, these things will happen.

My DS has also just turned two and is a big lad (although looks more like a three year old rather than five) and I don’t allow him in the under two areas anymore. Even a few months ago I’d move him on if there were actual babies there as no parent wants a giant, unsteady toddler stomping around their baby who is doing tummy time.

If you are brave enough to take your two year old to soft play, you accept that you will have to go round with them!

PuttingDownRoots · 19/10/2023 06:45

My youngest is 10 now but it was usually just crawlers and early walkers in the under2 section... as soon as they were able they were off in the bigger section which was a lot more fun! I managed to follow my 20 lonth old around at 8 months pregnant...

ColleenDonaghy · 19/10/2023 06:45

YANBU, but three and four year olds are still little (not that they seem it when your first is 8 months) and very much still learning about sharing and taking turns, especially when all hyped up at soft play. YANBU that the parents should be intervening though.

Am I the only one thinking that taking an 8 month old to soft play is crackers though? Avoid avoid avoid until they're big enough to run around and play a bit more independently. We hardly went until the party invitations started, now we seem to be there every weekend. Don't do that to yourself until you have to! The bigger ones get so much more out of it too.

Bells3032 · 19/10/2023 06:58

Yes is very common. Drives me nuts. I don't mind older kids in there if they're playing calmly etc (my own nephew sometimes comes in to play with my daughter) but often these are running around and hoarding the toys

Last time I went to a massive sort play. Huge areas for the older kids but loads of the older kids were coming in and out of the younger section and most annoyingly kept leaving the gate open which my daughter kept trying to escape through cos she wanted to go in the big area. She's nearly two but absolutely tiny and it a packed soft play.

For the pp who complaining about her son being bigger I've never given the side eye to bigger kids who have parents with them and are playing nicely. I'd be assuming a two year old would have a parent with them but a 7 year old is running around alone so there's a big difference

combioven · 19/10/2023 07:08

YANBU.

Worked at a soft play as a teen and this has always been an issue. It’s why I’d not take my baby or toddler to one outside of school hours until they’re school age or preferably not even then, hopefully just for parties. I could talk for hours about the horrors of working there… 😂

Lwrenagain · 19/10/2023 07:09

I have a DC with asd and learning disabilities who will sit alone in the younger child part, supervised by me, and he'll just like to flap his hand or hold a ball.
He causes nay drama and unfortunately I've had mothers square up to me because even though he's not remotely arsed by their kids, they get really angry because he was 4 at the time of this particular incident, because he was in the baby area.

To leave older kids with no problems to run riot or leave open the gates etc is really frustrating.
To create drama with parents of exceptionally shy children or kids with disabilities etc, those dickheads need to get a grip.

Graciebobcat · 19/10/2023 07:10

The idea of soft play is that kids do go off and play not under close supervision of parents. In all the ones we went to kids of school age would disappear off into a tunnel/maze of equipment and occasionally pop up for air/a drink. That said I always stopped mine going in the baby area where you could see them. And I never went to soft play at all until DD1 was probably 4 and invited to a party and then DD2 would have been in the baby area with me. I think baby areas are really intended for siblings of older children marauding about on the general equipment, and parents tend to sit in there with them. DD1 probably came in there a bit when she was shy and unsure about soft play generally but was gently playing with DD2 and not marauding around knocking babies over.

LolaSmiles · 19/10/2023 07:13

Am I the only one thinking that taking an 8 month old to soft play is crackers though? Avoid avoid avoid until they're big enough to run around and play a bit more independently.
If a venue has an under 2s area with space for babies and toddlers then it's not crackers. It's what that area is for.

I'd say it's crackers taking them to venues where the youngest area is under 4s though.

PenguinRainbows · 19/10/2023 08:09

snoremcsnoreson · 19/10/2023 05:56

@PenguinRainbows Who I earth said I wasn't parenting my own child? I'm with him fully. I get glances as he is so big. No problems with his behaviour at all. Jumping to conclusions there, no?

You’ve admitted you aren’t parenting your own child, because you’re allowing to go in places he isn’t meant to be.

Under 2 is under 2. His size is irrelevant.

AvengedQuince · 19/10/2023 08:13

Agree that 8 months is fine for an under two's area if they are crawling or cruising. An 18 month old may not be walking yet either, that's what the area is for, crawlers, cruisers, early walkers. Once DS was running and climbing and could pass for two (about 20 months onwards) he was off in the big kids' area.

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