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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think everyone on MN has 3+ kids

110 replies

Hereforlaugh · 18/10/2023 21:33

I have read so many threads on MN where people keep posting about having 3 or more kids. It feels like everyone on MN has over 3 kids and what's really baffling is that this country's fertility rates are declining. Not sure about how it all works and how people afford so many DC.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 18/10/2023 23:52

Do you want more kids op? I have 3 and I’d have liked 4, which won’t be happening. I always notice people with 4 kids, feels like magazine articles are full of women and families with 4 beautiful children. It colours your perception.

lewnim · 18/10/2023 23:56

I have 3 but an 18 yr gap between dc1 and dc2, so I'm often viewed as having 2 since dc1 is an adult.

I know lots of families with 3-5 dc, it's a badge of wealth in some parts of London (very wealthy families, nannies and other staff, hobby jobs as money is all old family money).

stayathomer · 18/10/2023 23:56

You don’t necessarily afford’ more dc, you just find a way to stretch your money eg hand me downs, less days out, being cut throat with hobbies etc etc. Everyone’s family is different- I have 4, we have a chaotic house and they’re best friends and it beats any material things we could have! Most of my friends have two

frenchfancy81 · 18/10/2023 23:57

One here!

Itwasamemoment · 19/10/2023 00:02

I have three . Bonus child is bloody amazing ,along with siblings.

SwingTheMonkey · 19/10/2023 05:00

Sk8erboi · 18/10/2023 22:20

I have 2 and I frown when people have 3 and silently judge when they have 4+

You’re wasting your time because those of us with 4, couldn’t give a fuck about your judgement…

46mumof6 · 19/10/2023 05:03

I have 6, they are all adults now, most of their friends come from families with 2 kids at a push 3, there was only 1 other family at the kids primary school who had more than 4.

SilentNightDancer · 19/10/2023 05:13

Sk8erboi · 18/10/2023 22:20

I have 2 and I frown when people have 3 and silently judge when they have 4+

How odd!

looking4pup · 19/10/2023 05:14

I wanted 3. Still really really really wished I had but I was never in the right frame of mind. I find 2 a struggle but I'm not sure I'll ever get over not having 3.

looking4pup · 19/10/2023 05:15

I'm also 1 of 3 and DH is 1 of 4.

Noicant · 19/10/2023 05:18

One and done here

Original poster
Hereforlaugh · 19/10/2023 08:35

I am one of 4 and I was never sure about the number of children I wanted. My mum was SAHM and I could see the struggle of managing the DC without any family support. I work and my DH is a great dad. I have one and planning for second DC but still thinking about a third or not.

OP posts:
AIstolemylunch · 19/10/2023 08:44

I'm one of 4 and have 3. My SIL has 5. I know a couple of other families locally with 3. One with 4. Everyone else, so 100s and 100s of families, has 2 or 1. Vast majority of people I know with kids have 2. I know a couple of childfree (by choice) couples. Out of all my friends I am the only person with 3 children. They are all 2 or a few singles (due to starting later or IVF). Everyone I met at baby groups etc with my first child stopped at 2, my third child has no direct equivalents amongst my friends and acquaintances. I'm really not sure why you get the impression most people have 3 children, I'd say it's a minority, round here at least (London/Surrey).

I afford my children because I studied and worked hard before I had them so now have a pretty well paid job and earn the same as their father. It would be impossible without a dual income.

LoreleiG · 19/10/2023 13:16

It would be impossible without a dual income.

The only people in my family with three have professional well paid jobs and dual full time incomes. There are people at the school gate with three or more and I genuinely have no idea how they have afforded them. DH and I have averagely paid public sector type jobs and my two older kids are breaking the bank right now.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/10/2023 13:21

Nope. None of these apply to me

It's not just this topic, it's also
Everyone on MN earns over 100k (5% UK population)
Everyone on MN has had a contraceptive failure (About 1-2% per year of use)
Everyone on MN has ADHD/autism/a child/partner with one of those things (between 1-5% of population)
Everyone on MN breastfeeds for several years (About 1% UK population BF at 12 months)

verdantverdure · 19/10/2023 13:30

It's a bit like when people say that "people shouldn't have children they can't afford"

We didn't know the Tories were going to screw up the economy so badly we've got rampant inflation, ever increasing food bills, some of the highest electricity bills in the world, the highest tax burden for 70 years, the lowest wages in real terms for decades AND THEN put our mortgages up by £400/£500/£600+ a month.

I wouldn't be having three now, under these circumstances.

But back then, under a different government this country was a more successful, mote positive more optimistic place.

Once we get a competent government and get shot of Brexit it can be again.

Only one more Tory year to go. Confused

Tally00 · 19/10/2023 13:38

I have 3 but I had one from a previous relationship and 13 years later had 2 close together.
I found one hard work as I was in constant demand to watch this, play that, make this face, pretend this and do such and such.

My 2 little ones play together and are not so demanding of me.
I occasionally have my niece 2 and notice days out are harder with 3 there's always one left out or arguing and I'm always counting heads.
Also if dh comes there's still more children than adults and we definitely notice the extra noice.
From that I'd say 1 is exhausting, 2 is just right for us and 3 is exhausting.

Americano75 · 19/10/2023 13:45

SwingTheMonkey · 19/10/2023 05:00

You’re wasting your time because those of us with 4, couldn’t give a fuck about your judgement…

Show quote history

Hard agree. I have 3, and can't imagine being so ridiculously judgemental. Or even giving a fuck in the first place.

GalileoHumpkins · 19/10/2023 13:45

Everyone? I don't have any!

ChickenNugget6 · 19/10/2023 14:18

SwingTheMonkey · 19/10/2023 05:00

You’re wasting your time because those of us with 4, couldn’t give a fuck about your judgement…

Show quote history

People are weird ... I silently praise when I see people with 3+!

dementedpixie · 19/10/2023 14:22

I have 2 and no plans for more (dh had a vasectomy)
My SIL has 6!
I was one of 5
Dh was one of 3

BlueKaftan · 19/10/2023 14:28

I agree with the OP and have noticed it to the extent that I’ve compared it to my friends who all have two.

Chickychoccyegg · 19/10/2023 14:33

Sk8erboi · 18/10/2023 22:20

I have 2 and I frown when people have 3 and silently judge when they have 4+

Why? What's it got to do with you?

Lentilweaver · 19/10/2023 14:37

I have 2 and most of my friends have 1. I don't know anyone with 3.

Hillarious · 19/10/2023 14:41

Of the people I know and am close enough to call up for a coffee tomorrow, 25 have three or four children 8 have two children and two have the one. They're all around university age now, but not one nanny and very little nursery/ childcare along the way. Lots of hand-me-downs, mutual support, and a small city where either parent could do a school drop off and still be at work for 9.00 am if they need to be there by that time.

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