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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think everyone on MN has 3+ kids

110 replies

Hereforlaugh · 18/10/2023 21:33

I have read so many threads on MN where people keep posting about having 3 or more kids. It feels like everyone on MN has over 3 kids and what's really baffling is that this country's fertility rates are declining. Not sure about how it all works and how people afford so many DC.

OP posts:
Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 18/10/2023 22:00

Ybvu

The only time I've seen threads with anyone posting about how they have 3 or more is on threads where people ask about having a third!

There are reams of threads with posters mentioning they have none, one or two kids.

And even more where posters don't mention their children, let alone how many they have!

So very unreasonable indeed...

TheDuchessOfMN · 18/10/2023 22:03

Most posts are from people wondering if they should have a third, and the general consensus is that they shouldn’t, so I assume the vast majority have two or less

FuckingHellAdele · 18/10/2023 22:03

I can't say I've noticed this... but yes, guilty as charged. I have three.

GettingOldWithoutStyle · 18/10/2023 22:05

I have 3. I was also one of those MNetters that posted whilst pondering having 3 and was literally torn to shreds (I've name changed since 😉) in any case I clearly ignored everyone 🤣

I personally don't feel that 3 kids is the norm on here at all. I have one friend that has 4 kids, the rest all have 2

theduchessofspork · 18/10/2023 22:05

They do not.

LoreleiG · 18/10/2023 22:06

I have two and most people I know do. I did want another but I couldn’t afford it/didn’t have the energy to (and my husband didn’t want another)

ChickenNugget6 · 18/10/2023 22:07

I thought the opposite, that most have one.

SwingTheMonkey · 18/10/2023 22:16

I have 4 and am completely in the minority amongst people we know and other families at school.

Surely2023IsTheYearForMyRainbowBaby · 18/10/2023 22:17

I'm childless and not by choice

nearlywinteragain · 18/10/2023 22:18

I have two, though they are the magic mumsnet twins!

FeelSoDown · 18/10/2023 22:18

No I feel the opposite. I have 4 and I often avoid saying on here as I get shamed for it on here a lot!

Lookingatthesunset · 18/10/2023 22:19

GettingOldWithoutStyle · 18/10/2023 22:05

I have 3. I was also one of those MNetters that posted whilst pondering having 3 and was literally torn to shreds (I've name changed since 😉) in any case I clearly ignored everyone 🤣

I personally don't feel that 3 kids is the norm on here at all. I have one friend that has 4 kids, the rest all have 2

I would have told you to go for it!! 😁

missylissy9 · 18/10/2023 22:19

I have 3 (soon to be 4). I would say the majority of friends have 2-3, none have just one. None of my DC have any only children in their class at school, everyone seems to have at least two children. Both me and DH's family's are large. DH is one of 5 and all his siblings have 2-5 children. Both my older brothers have 3 children.

Mumofthreedc · 18/10/2023 22:19

It feels like everyone on MN has over 3 kids

I’m not sure that’s the case….

toadasoda · 18/10/2023 22:19

Surely2023IsTheYearForMyRainbowBaby · 18/10/2023 22:17

I'm childless and not by choice

I'm so sorry for this, I've noted your username too. Wishing you the best of luck

BethTalk2thehandpodcast · 18/10/2023 22:20

I have two and the thought of three is too tiring to contemplate.

Sk8erboi · 18/10/2023 22:20

I have 2 and I frown when people have 3 and silently judge when they have 4+

Ostryga · 18/10/2023 22:21

I have 1 and I’d say 70% of DD’s class are onlies as well. In fact I don’t know any families in DD’s school with more than 3 children.

BethTalk2thehandpodcast · 18/10/2023 22:21

I have two and the thought of three is too tiring to contemplate.

SoRainbowRhythms · 18/10/2023 22:22

I have none, by choice.

BertieBotts · 18/10/2023 22:43

I find these threads so weird (BTW yes I do have 3 kids though Grin)

It's not just this topic, it's also
Everyone on MN earns over 100k (5% UK population)
Everyone on MN has had a contraceptive failure (About 1-2% per year of use)
Everyone on MN has ADHD/autism/a child/partner with one of those things (between 1-5% of population)
Everyone on MN breastfeeds for several years (About 1% UK population BF at 12 months)

MN has an enormous number of posters. They reckon 8 million a month or something with 20,000 actual posts a day. So even 1% is 80,000 MNers. Or 1% of the posts per day is 200 posts. 200 posts every single day made by any person with an experience that only 1% of the population have.

Most MNers have children, and among people who have children it's not THAT unusual to have 3. From ONS:

Of all families with dependent children, families with one child made up 44% (3.6 million) in 2022. Families with two children made up 41% (3.4 million), and families with three or more children made up 15% (1.2 million).

So there you go - about 15% of all families with children have 3 or more. Or 6.3% of UK households are families with 3+ dependent children (assume MN figure is higher, because most MN users are mums of dependent children.)

That's a lot of MNers.

The best thing about MN IMO is that you do find the one, two, five, six percenters, and a lot of them. You find the less than one percenters too. One of my children has a condition that affects about 1 in 1000 births, but I've been able to find advice/experiences of it here, because there are so many thousands of MNers, you put the right terms in your title, that's 8 million pairs of eyes potentially reading it. Just on pure statistics, 8,000 of those are likely to have had direct experience of what I'm asking about. In fact, more than 8,000 because a lot of MNers have more than one child and every MNer knows people other than their own children. Of course not all of the 8,000,000 are here for the whole month, but even if you divide it by 30 (days) and then again by 24 (hours) if it happens to stay in active for about an hour, that's maybe 11,000 people seeing my thread title, of which 11 may well have experience and choose to click on the thread, and that's just when I post it the first time, if someone then searches and bumps it again six months later that's another 11,000 people.

If you think that something that affects somewhere between 6-15% of MNers is a small number then you either vastly underestimate the number of MN users or you completely misunderstand percentages. Something can be a minority and declining, but still be a large number.

funinthesun19 · 18/10/2023 22:45

I don’t know. I see quite a lot of posters on here with 1 or 2. In fact I think 1 or 2 seems to be the MN ideal.

Not that a lot of us actually care what the ideal is of course.

smilesup · 18/10/2023 22:50

We had our third before the Tories trashed the economy 😁

cocksstrideintheevening · 18/10/2023 23:08

No I don't think that at all.

NImumconfused · 18/10/2023 23:29

For some reason everyone I know who has kids has either 2 or 4 - I'm not sure I know anyone with 3!