Those cool, messy, usually wealthy mums

[Shessodowntoearth]

I want to be one 😅
Does anyone know the type?
Usually quite a few kids, at least two, kids are lovely, but generally quite messy/put together in a kooky way.
Houses are beautiful, but messy/disorganised, beautiful pieces everywhere/decoration but with a lived in/messy vibe. The mums are the same, usually seem quite disorganised but chilled out at the same time, generally away somewhere every school holidays and don’t work.
I know quite a few mums like this near me and wonder what this life is like, mainly the having more money. I’d love to be as laid back if people come around, to not care about the mess as the house is so incredible, to not worry if my kids clothes look scruffy in a cool way and to be comfortable in myself. Is this what happens when you come from money?

The clutter is often lots of expensive sports equipment or musical instruments or books and paperwork….possibly some craft stuff. The clutter might be dusty and messy but it’s probably very expensive. An old, valuable piano covered in dust which hasn’t been dusted for mo the or years and some antique sheet music. Yes to the large pine table in the kitchen instead of an island. The kitchen might well be very dated with doors hanging off in places, or a mix of wellies, and stuff that doesn’t belong in the kitchen scattered about. Might well be letters like bank statements, school letters etc on surfaces that have been there for months…certainly ancient letters or info sheets on pin boards.

I agree it’s easy to be bright and breezy about loving your old car and laughing about the terrible noises it makes, or not having had a new coat for 10 years when there is plenty of cash in the bank account to go and replace the car with a decent quality model outright tomorrow if needed. It’s easy to be so positive about the second hand uniform shop at school, when you’re already paying £25k fees per child. Second-hand in this context doesn’t imply inability to buy new.

In my experience, these messy houses are often cold - very expensive to heat. Log fires or burners are popular, but often not cleaned that well so lots of soot or dust surround them.

The ones I picture with this are Sarah Beeny and her family - she still does property programmes about doing up a decrepit old pile.

I think theres quite a divide. Lots with the big houses, lots of kids and no work are very interested in beauty treatments, designer clothes, latest kitchen and constant home improvements.

To be fair @lapochette if they wanted to clean up after themselves on holiday they’d have gone self catering. Which it doesn’t sound like they did.

The internet, that’s what gave me that idea!

I agree. I also agree with the idea that 'not caring' is a luxury belief.

The consequences for not caring can be substantial.

I have a disabled child and I care very much about how he is turned out. Because he is teased for so many things and our day to day existence is judged for so much (alot of it is an invisible disability) so i care that he cannot be judged for dirty clothes - unwashed body- mismatched clothes. I pay a huge amount of attention to things.

You have to be living in a certain amount of privilege to have the ability to 'not care'.

It's the MN logic / obsession with UC.

Ah, I'm impressed. I'm still using Antiquax and Ajax when I can be bothered 😆

@PerspiringElizabeth Hmm, a little bit house/lifestyle wise…maybe…but she doesn’t really have the look I mean

I'd rather be tidy and organised than be proud of taking my sons to cadet shooting lessons and beagling.

My Paula Yates/Bob Geldof comment was because, back in the day, before Michael Hutchence entered the picture, they were seen to have an enviable, laid back, messy lifestyle, with cool kids and even cooler friends. It was all smoke and mirrors.

@CharlieBigPotatoes1 oh of course, so it must be true 🙄 hunting anything with dogs is illegal, them following a trail of scent laid by humans isn't. Hunting act 2004. Maybe get your facts straight before trying to be snarky?

New Forest, they wear working Jodhs/breeches because they do ride out for someone. Or jeans and short riding boots. Strong with hands rougher than a labourer.

It sounds a bit like us but we're not wealthy. For me it's partly ADHD. Our house is filled with our hyperfocus hobbies. Books, musical instruments, art supplies, plants, cooking/baking stuff etc. We never get rid of old hobbies because we know it's going to come back around. We're also happiest when outdoors so lots of muddy hiking boots, wellies, bikes, camping gear, body boards, kayaks etc. I loathe cleaning, it's borderline torturous for me so I do the minimum but my house is relatively clean and so are the kids. I don't care what people think anymore because I've accepted the way I am and come to terms with it. We will never have an instagram home but it's not what makes us happy so why would we waste our time? I used to care very very much about what people thought but not anymore. I want to live my life doing the things I enjoy. If I have spare time I'm out in the forest, hiking, reading, painting, playing(trying to) instruments, planning travel or days out or just watching tv! There's much more interesting things to spend our time doing than cleaning the house. I think when you're truly happy with your own life, you're much less concerned with other people's opinions.

We're not posh or wealthy at all so I don't think they're always linked. I think it's a mindset.

You are mad specific in your fangirling, OP. 😂

I had a mum friend like this over 30 years ago. Very popular with our group, just effortlessly lovely.

One comment that always sticks in my mind was the description of her kitchen by a mutual friend who had been to visit after she'd had her nth baby.

"And there she was looking amazing, breastfeeding the baby in this shambolic kitchen with a huge pine dresser groaning with crap" :)

It was said with admiration btw not bitchiness.

Pine dresser = Island ( in today's money) :)

Yes, obviously that post was a spoof. I especially loved the cadet shooting weekend reference and how her abundant hair just gathered naturally into a messy bun. Genius.

I think its the stealth class signalling bit that bothers me.

I also am not troubled in the slightest about whether my skirting boards are clean. I don't want to live in a show home and I'm not overly troubled by a bit of clutter. I don't (if I'm brutally honest) care that much if people judge me because of the state of my children's hair etc. Or at least I don't want to spend lots of my free time tying myself up in knots to prevent people having a chance to judge me about the way my children are presented. I would never waste time ironing bed linen and I don't dust very often. I don't care enough about it to want it to eat into my free time and I'd rather spend this time on things that interest me.

But it does irritate me when this kind of "free range" lifestyle is presented as being somehow democratic and liberated. A lot of people from this demographic look down on the concerns of other people for whom this sort of thing is more important: they see people who worry about what they look like as vapid and lacking intellectual rigour etc. When in fact they are lucky enough that they never have to worry that anyone thinks they are poor in the first place. There's a sort of dishonesty about it.

Oooh I missed Wrapped around a Malbec and a cuddly chap in a country pub

I love it. I am now going to use the word chap far more in my day to day conversation.

It's hilarious.

Although if you're working class, I assume it is more likely to be described as getting pissed with Ur fat baby father 😂

We still have our dresser and a huge farmhouse kitchen table - no way we'd ever have an island.

My mother was like this to an extent when I was growing up. Educated, inherited wealth, job as a teacher, had so many hobbies that took her time like painting etc that she did not do any cleaning whatsoever. She thought it was beneath her. Looking back our house with filthy and it was embarrassing bringing friends over.
I'm not that tidy either, not great at picking up random bits and putting away, mugs left on surfaces, books not put away etc, but house is relatively clean, and I happen to live in on of the areas mentioned on this thread several times! I do clean up before guests though, cos I don't want my kids embarrassed by a dirty house like I was growing up.

We all know mums like that. Beautiful house with paintings, decor, fireplace, wooden tables and lots of different hand-knitted throws. Books everywhere and old photoes.

I however couldn't get along with mums like that for long enough. I just simply felt bored. Especially all the conversations about getting a garden patch to grow your own tomatoes, school leagues, etc.. I am a very multicultural person so get along easier for some reason with people who have seen the world or have different mix of backgrounds and different views on things .

@Bookist it absolutely wasn't I'm afraid 🤣 I've just been on Mumsnet long enough to know what's described as posh girl hair and I have it, like I have any control over my genetics and what grows out of my head. Its often discussed in terms of being easy to put up and it absolutely is, saving me from being mistaken for homeless I imagine!

In terms of shooting, erm, that's what soldiers do, no? Both of mine have passed marksman recently and the elder is by all accounts practically a crack shot, hence he's heading for the regulars. I fail to see what's spoof about an army cadet taking part in a shooting weekend 🙄they do field craft and exped too and one of them once spent two days in a TA barracks practising drill 🤣 .

Just because something isn't in your lived experience doesn't mean someone else is making that thing up. Just as I said, horses for courses, literally in our case.

actually I have thought of a time when it pisses me off.

I was on a London bound train with a friend for a relaxing day out and there were a couple of those mums with three kids each and the kids were running absolute RIOT across the carriages, kicking seats, being really loud.

In the end an elderly couple asked them to behave and one of the mums said to the kids “ Darling you can’t do that because the people here don’t like it”

Oh DO fuck off and be aware of other people’s needs.

I lost respect for this thread when someone said they looked up to Carrie Johnson.

No, they really can't.

Addiction is a really, really cruel condition that is no respecter of social status. Given the right (or the wrong) set of variables, it's something that can happen to anyone. It's immune to snobbery. Wealthy parents can still leave their children without a mother or a father. Those children will still be bereaved and will suffer horribly, irrespective of how much money their families have.

I'm heavily involved with the Forward Trust and have seen at first hand how substance abuse erodes and destroys lives in all areas of the social spectrum. It takes no prisoners, and no one gets off the hook.

I'm really, really sorry your brother is an addict. So is mine. I nearly lost him just last month. They can be 'high functioning' for a long, long time, but sooner or later it gets them. If he came to a few meetings with me (family support), I can guarantee he'd see some stories that would put him off for life.

@caffelattetogo me too 😉 and just to tip the Hinch fan club over the edge further, it's full of dusty Emma Bridgewater and antique blue and white.

So shoot me 😁 this thread is becoming eye opening for us messy and laid back types too, and I know which side of the fence I'd rather be on 🤣 If teasing someone for have a wide vocabulary, and thinking that using chap is far more polite than bloke or the far more cringeworthy fella, is your idea of fun then again, crack on. Good job we're all different!