Those cool, messy, usually wealthy mums

[Shessodowntoearth]

I want to be one 😅
Does anyone know the type?
Usually quite a few kids, at least two, kids are lovely, but generally quite messy/put together in a kooky way.
Houses are beautiful, but messy/disorganised, beautiful pieces everywhere/decoration but with a lived in/messy vibe. The mums are the same, usually seem quite disorganised but chilled out at the same time, generally away somewhere every school holidays and don’t work.
I know quite a few mums like this near me and wonder what this life is like, mainly the having more money. I’d love to be as laid back if people come around, to not care about the mess as the house is so incredible, to not worry if my kids clothes look scruffy in a cool way and to be comfortable in myself. Is this what happens when you come from money?

This post has made my day. I love you @TheSnootiestFox

basically every posh mum round our way is like this. Near Bruton and Frome. I guess they are rich poshos but a bit more arty and alternative than the home countries crowd.

Basic courtesy and economic status don't have much to do with one another IME, despite constant protestations/assumptions to the contrary.

This thread's light-hearted, but it's also odd. There are books out there on 'shabby chic', it's true, but beyond that I can't say these are things I've even noticed about others.

People expend far too much energy on the impression they think they're making on others. The likely reality is that people are only interested in their own lives, and no one really cares.

But I had to laugh at the visceral excoriation of the stereotypical 'artist' upthread. All we need now is the kow towing to 'rich people who are to be looked up to for being above caring what anyone else thinks' and my bingo card will be full.

Oh, wait ...

@TheSnootiestFox your writing style reminds me so much of an old poster who had a (supposedly) different lifestyle to yours but a similar need to share and defend it. I think they coined the phrase 'benign neglect' which is pretty much what this whole thread is about.

Well, I have no knowledge of the other poster but the only person being benignly neglected is me. The kids and the dog are immaculate, it's me and the house that have taken the hit! And I only feel the need to share and defend because of the breathtaking arrogance of a lot on here that think their way of life, and only their way of life, is right. It's literally stunning sometimes!

Every single mum I know who has this effortless vibe (kids in Mini Rodini and Bobo Choses but they wouldn't GaF if it got lost or stained, larder full of organic delicatessen goodies but mess on the side and wilted flowers still in the vase), every single one was raised by liberal arty types.

Money is a part of it - as others have said, mess is only aspirational when it's sitting in a lovely big house full of character; but I do think most of the women with this effortless bohemian class were born and raised with it.

@AfterWeights

Me too, I even did the not working/pt job thing. We definitely aren't cool though, just plain disorganised

Having an untidy house is not neglect, "benign" or otherwise. Extremes at either end of the scale are neglectful - a cleaning obsessed control freak to a depressed hoarder. Anything in between I'm not going to get too worked up about.

And kids behaving badly has nothing to do with how they dress! There are just as many little shits with freshly shorn hair and designer clothes as there are with Boden wellies and tutus. Shitty parenting happens at all ends of the social spectrum.

And yes...I think it's clear from the nastiness on this thread that light-hearted banter soon turns into jealous bullying.

Surely you are secure and confident enough not to care if randoms on the internet don’t believe you? I thought you didn’t care what anyone thinks? You actually seem to care quite a lot.

Shitty parenting happens at all ends of the social spectrum

Absolutely true but the lower classes are judged far more harshly and are far more likely to have ss intervention

Oh I agree that people in general care far too much about how other people perceive them and I found it such a relief when I realised that most people really aren’t that interested.

It’s hard though when you’re poor/have a rubbish house/ are a new parent and you’re insecure about all of that, not to feel that people will judge you - or worse your kids. I would avoid inviting people round when mine were little because my house was tiny and needed doing up and I’d feel like if someone did come round then at least it was tidy and clean and my children were clean and in nice clothes.

That was all my problem and I’ve definitely got better at not giving a shit over the years. I’ve never wanted my DC to grow up in a showroom or have a Mum that’s always telling them off for making a mess. I always encourage friends round and they’ve had plenty of parties at home but I have to fight my natural instincts to an extent (their bedrooms are a tip so I feel I’ve done well)

To me looking scruffy and having kooky untidy houses is never cool. It's the way I was brought up. Salt of the earth working class, my mum kept the house spotless and she'd die of shame if anyone thought we looked scruffy. I'm the same way!

The house from Flowers is essentially what you're describing? They'll let their kids draw all over the walls and create experiments in the basement, and swan around the house in capes. Love it.

No @Celibacyinthesticks (really?? 😬) it's just this attitude of 'that's not how I live my life so therefore you are wrong' that doesn't sit right with me. Genuinely don't care whether I'm believed or not but would like to educate others that, and this is the umpteenth time I've said this, we're all different with different priorities.

Something just occurred to me: I feel like posh people can also get away with peroxide better than I could. And I don’t mean when it’s done well. I never understand that they can have all that money and don’t have a hairdresser who tells them their hair could look so much better.

Same!
I don't know whether judging is a 'MC' privilege. I'm not British so maybe I don't understand it but people make out as though working class people are worried about social workers seeing their messy house and taking their kids away or something.

But at the same time WC doesn't mean poor? So what is the issue? Aren't plumbers, electricians mechanics, binmen etc all 'working class'? They're not poor.

I would probably fit this but it’s not deliberate. My husband and I work long hours and we’re always busy and rushing about. My house is lovely but messy and it stresses me out all the time but I don’t have time for it to be perfect! My kids often look a bit untidy cause I let them dress themselves and choose their own style as I don’t really care how they look and long as they’re clean and happy!

I mentioned Bobo specifically too! I know exactly what you mean. All the lesser known brands. Boden possibly too mainstream.

@TheSnootiestFox if you're such a laidback, cool posh mum, then how come you even know who Mrs Hinch is and what Fabulosa is?

You do sound like a caricature, I'm afraid, and you're also very defensive about your way of life. I'm not sure really cool people would give a shiny shite about what other people thought of their lifestyle.

That is what you aspire to be?

Really? What kind of things did they post ?

It’s easy to be relaxed when you know that if something gets to out-of-hand you can pay someone to sort it out for you.

I apologise if I've offended you @TheSnootiestFox. I genuinely thought you were writing a really funny spoof. For what's it worth, I'm privately educated and my father served all his life in the military. But the emphasis was still very much on having a respectably clean and tidy home, and your shoes always being polished.

And yes...I think it's clear from the nastiness on this thread that light-hearted banter soon turns into jealous bullying.

How do we go from an OP " I want to be.."
so quickly down to abuse and mock everyone remotely matching the description.

Yes, I know the exact type!!