Those cool, messy, usually wealthy mums

[Shessodowntoearth]

I want to be one 😅
Does anyone know the type?
Usually quite a few kids, at least two, kids are lovely, but generally quite messy/put together in a kooky way.
Houses are beautiful, but messy/disorganised, beautiful pieces everywhere/decoration but with a lived in/messy vibe. The mums are the same, usually seem quite disorganised but chilled out at the same time, generally away somewhere every school holidays and don’t work.
I know quite a few mums like this near me and wonder what this life is like, mainly the having more money. I’d love to be as laid back if people come around, to not care about the mess as the house is so incredible, to not worry if my kids clothes look scruffy in a cool way and to be comfortable in myself. Is this what happens when you come from money?

Incorrigibly County Oh dear, now you have let yourself down. The County set would never refer to themselves as 'County' as you should very well know. But you do write very well, if a little fulsomely x

Don’t be horrible about Carrie.

I'll be honest, middle class bohemians make me a bit stabby. My inner class warrior is very chippy.

Messy but nice house- yes
Messy but nice kids- yes
Messy but nice car- yes
Always late for things- NEVER. Punctuality is the politeness of princes.

PS I don't think Carrie is like this at all. A great deal of effort goes into looking like she's made none, same as Boris.

No....they don't NEED to call 2nd hand 'pre - loved'. No need for euphemisms. It's those slightly embarrassed by 2nd hand that need to give it another name.

The inverted snobbery on this thread is weird. Like you can't possibly imagine that other people have internal lives that you know nothing about.

I agree @Phonedown..

UK is still very class-obsessed.

@scoobydoo1971 I want to wish you the best of luck with your operation.
Do whatever makes you feel better about coping with the situation.
I can relate to you but in a different way.
I'm comfortable money wise, not rich but when my cancer diagnose arrived, it was the biggest shock ever. Nothing can prepare you for it.
Strangely enough I did find that my way of coping was having everything extremely tidy. And even now, when cancer is (fortunately) behind me for a few years, i still find a way to stay in control (or the illusion of being in control) is by having everything really tidy. I don't like having anything outside where it belongs. Literally not one thing.

I agree that you cannot buy health and its our most precious asset. I'll be thinking of you and wish you all the best. Take one day at the time. And leave the mess around you if that helps xx

Oh Dahling, Red? No. White or, in summer, Amber or Rosé at a push. And sometimes a lovely fizz, but never Prosecco. If you can’t do midday Champers it has to be the very best of English Sparkling. And as for the Boden quote - quelle horreur! Wyse, maybe. Or St. Bert’s if we’re slumming it. TLMEdit is our Primark.

(I’m joking, I’m a right state 😀)

I grew up with a mother like that. We were exceptionally well off (private education etc) in a huge detached country pile. My mum was exceptionally loving, but she was free spirited and felt she had better things to do than housework or any kind of order or organising. She mocked people with meal plans or any kind of structure or routine in their lives, preferring to do what she wanted when she wanted, floating around meeting friends, doing sports, dashing into London for the day etc. She was a great mother, cared for us deeply and was always there for us, but I HATED the chaos and disorganisation. Swimming kits/PE kits were quite of misplaced or dirty when needed. School letters that needed signing were lost if you didn't hold on to them and actually make them sign them straight away rather than them ending up on some pile of papers or another, dinners were often random (but always lovely top quality products), thing were always getting lost or forgotten. There was always money, always love, a value of education and a host of experiences, but life was too unpredictable and disorganised and at a young age I had to learn to take care of managing a lot of the life admin that most parents do for their children, because my mum was too flakey to be relied on, which made me anxious.

I am wondering if your mother is my SIL? The polite word for SIL is “bohemian”. She pours derision on organisation or cleanliness. It’s quite wearing.

UK is still very class-obsessed.

I don't notice this anywhere other than mumsnet, and when it does come up in real life, it is far more nuanced and considered.
The desperate seeking of class signifiers on MN suggests insecurity to me, which isn't surprising as our culture has become more and more focused on privilege and identity. Money has become the all consuming passion as capitalism ramps up, and as the world burns, our signifiers won't be following us!

I recall the comfort of middle class unconsciousness, our books and debates about the world and our culture. Art, music, travel, life. Much much preferable to this bland, object oriented, internet fuelled competitiveness. I miss the depth and modesty most of all.
I find such subjects more interesting to discuss at the Guardian or even Reddit to Mumsnet - far more honest and and a more measured world view.

Do you need privilege to enjoy the arts and a good book?

In theory no...but cultural capital or lack of can be an invisible barrier

@Zakana

From where I live, lots of us mere “serfs” call them typical “middle Brighton mums”, very bohemian, smoke weed, walk around barefoot in the street as do their kids, crazy houses which are worth a small fortune in the right part of Brighton, and so on

People who do these things are attention-grabbing and arrogant to boot. The carefully devised hippie/bohemian thing just irritates the absolute fuck out of me. Put some shoes on, brush your hair and wash your children. They won’t thank you for your “alternative” lifestyle when they grow up. Because it was all about you, not your kids. Ridiculous.

I miss the depth and modesty most of all.

Yup. Me too...

This is interesting. It's how I grew up - yes in some of the specific places mentioned and yes in exactly the sort of house described. My mother worked though, and I never thought of us as having lots of money (though as an adult I realise we were doing ok). We did have a cleaner and a gardener so the house wasn't really dirty or anything.

Didn't realise it was a "thing" or a big problem for other people! It wasn't an affectation that I was aware of. We never thought about it and just had lots of fun in a big messy house filled with arguments and laughter and paintings and books and wine. It was a good childhood, and I suppose I still mostly live like this. Why not.

I absolutely know there is old money in Cheshire and the North ;-) - but you implied that the Cheshire triangle is an old money hot spot. I'd say it's known as an area of concentrated new money, rather than old.

I’m a bit obsessed with cleaning products. Is Fabulosa better than average? Will Google but only if you all tell me it’s worthwhile.

I do know a lot of friends and family like this, I grew up with family money for half my childhood but then my family lost their money, and subsequently I have a good mix of wealthy and financially deprived friends. Imo you are describing neurodiverse people with money. I also know wealthy people who are not neurodiverse who have the big grand homes too, but they are immaculate, grey, they are right wing because they can't think outside the box, and they have bland sense of style. Those I'd chose not to her friends with, but I don't have to because they keep their social circles strictly to those just like them.

I’m very disappointed that we haven’t had an influx of competitive skirting board pictures since @whatkatydid2013 posted.

Of course not @Bookist, I don't think I'm anything in particular, I'm just me, but that is the word used locally for women with my particular penchant for fedoras and tweed. And thank you, I enjoy writing and I'm the only person on my Master's course not phased by needing a high word count 🤣 x

My partner surveyed a house and it was a student house. In a posh area a top university. No one wanted to clean up they would have been better homeless. They were studying to be physiotherapists and architects. You wouldn't think that they were studying they lived like scrubs pants everywhere, cans, food the lot. Drug addicts live better than them. My partner's fatherly side wanted to come out and help them.

Hmm, I kind of know what you mean but most mums seem to work. I don’t quite fit the profile but I’d hate an immaculate/trendy house as that tends to mean new stuff and minimalist. I don’t really do IKEA, I don’t mind the style but I don’t want to put furniture together myself - firstly, just the whole idea of putting it together and secondly, I like solid wood.

@TheSnootiestFox your post sounds like a poster who used to - maybe still does - post ridiculous posts about her posh lifestyle. It all sounded so ott and contrived really, yours has so much self awareness of this supposedly uncontrived lifestyle that it is unbelievable actually. It made me smile though! Beagling

@scoobydoo1971 your sprawling seaside house sounds lovely.

@Guibhyl the really posh people go to Scotland in the summer not abroad.

I live a bit like mentioned in a big for my area, messy house. We have a cleaner once a week and I do work but I can't be arsed to clean when I'm not working. It's not self-conscious, I'd just genuinely rather do anything else than tidy, and I think that people that would judge me for that are probably people I don't really want to be friends with. My mother on the other hand is obsessively tidy and gets really upset by the lack of ironing in my house.