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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Organising a parents night out (school) - AIBU

87 replies

Hellenabe · 18/10/2023 06:17

Our class is friendly but do nothing outside school. Completely fine. Im close friends with a few and see them separately.

Ages ago i was tasked with organising a night out before because there were new parents but all were busy. No one ever tried to organise a night out before or since (again fine). All said busy (but in a nice way), some obviously not wanting to interract. I was tasked to sort it out as I'm quite friendly but I think it made me seem a bit desperate trying to get parents together. I don't need more friends if im honest.

I read the mumsnet threads where parents now say they feel left out of different school run groups but a few of us want to do something together so do i again put it out to everyone? I don't want to offend people but at the same time its annoying that no one organises anything so I now prefer being with the ones who are more available. WWYD?

OP posts:
unlikelychump · 18/10/2023 06:20

What did you do? Are you saying you tried to organise it and noone came? If so, I think your answer is there!

Mummadeze · 18/10/2023 06:20

I would try once more around Christmas as you have a good reason - pre-Christmas drinks. I always said no to these things because I couldn’t afford a sitter and my partner worked nights so it was logistical. I definitely didn’t mind being asked though.

Mumdiva99 · 18/10/2023 06:23

I would do this.
Arrange a night out with your friends. Find the date, time and venue that works for you.
Then send a breezy what's app ' a few of us parents have decided to go to X on X date at Y time. If it's a set meal for Xmas type thing then add cost. We thought it would be lovely for more parebts to come to. If you'd lile to join us please let me know or send me a private message. (If necessary) payments will need to be made hy X)

No hassle to you.You get your night out whatever and no one can accuse you of being cliquey. (Not that seeing friends is cliquey.....but they have been asked).

BHRK · 18/10/2023 06:23

It’s lovely to offer, I never think people look desperate.. just that they are kind!
I’d send a Doodle poll with a choice of 3 dates and say it would be good to get together

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 18/10/2023 06:23

What's your AIBU? I wouldn't go on a school parents night out, nor would a lot of people. Invite everyone if you want but focus on people who actually want to meet up.

AhBiscuits · 18/10/2023 06:24

Organise a drink with your friends then put a message on the WhatsApp like
Cathy and I are going to the Dog and Duck for a drink tomorrow night. Anyone is welcome to join us.

Frasers · 18/10/2023 06:25

Who is giving you these tasks?

Original poster
Hellenabe · 18/10/2023 06:30

@Frasers I got lumbered with the task as class rep in Reception.

@Bobtheamazinggingerdog aibu really for traffic but also because I didnt want to ask again. I wish others would sort stuff out.

OP posts:
TheWayTheLightFalls · 18/10/2023 06:31

Who is giving you these tasks?

This! It’s a school, not the merchant Navy. “That’s a lovely idea Mary! I’ll wait to receive the WhatsApp message.” <blink innocently> “Wasn’t the Harvest assembly so cute?”

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 18/10/2023 06:33

Personally I don't think you need to feel obligated to invite the whole class to a night out with a few of your friends. It's entirely reasonable that you'd want to make arrangements to catch up with a small number of people you've become friendly with without obligation to invite everyone else.

If however your "few" includes more than half the class parents I'd do as others have suggested and make your plans with the people you want to see before opening it up to others. If it's a bigger group of you it wouldn't be kind to leave out only a couple of others.

bluepurpleangel · 18/10/2023 06:34

I’d just send a message in the WhatsApp group that you thought it might be nice for the parents to have a chance to get together, how about meeting at x pub on x date at x time.

Get a couple of people you know to reply “good idea Jane, I’ll be there!” Give people a couple of weeks notice and send a reminder nearer the time.

I’d keep it really low key and would just organise drinks somewhere local. A meal or bigger night out sounds like it could be hard work. And definitely don’t get involved in anything which means coordinating payment from lots of people!

ZolaBudd · 18/10/2023 06:34

This is so weird. You don’t work for the school and even if you did JUST WEIRD

AhBiscuits · 18/10/2023 06:35

My DH always guilts me into attending the mum drinks because he thinks it's important for DC's social life. TBF I did organise a play date off the back of the last one. I've got nothing against the other parents, they are all good company, I'm just knackered all the time from work and can't be arsed.

ZolaBudd · 18/10/2023 06:35

AhBiscuits · 18/10/2023 06:35

My DH always guilts me into attending the mum drinks because he thinks it's important for DC's social life. TBF I did organise a play date off the back of the last one. I've got nothing against the other parents, they are all good company, I'm just knackered all the time from work and can't be arsed.

I’d tell dh to piss off and go himself

egowise · 18/10/2023 06:39

This is very odd to me.

But then I'm not in any class chats/groups.

Original poster
Hellenabe · 18/10/2023 06:40

Great ideas peeps! I think it annoys me as others would like it but don't do anything. Others always take it as an op to say something like 'oh I'm going skiing' etc. as though they want to think they are letting you down. Personally I only want to see a few.

OP posts:
bluepurpleangel · 18/10/2023 06:40

Hellenabe · 18/10/2023 06:30

@Frasers I got lumbered with the task as class rep in Reception.

@Bobtheamazinggingerdog aibu really for traffic but also because I didnt want to ask again. I wish others would sort stuff out.

I’ve been a class rep in the past OP, in reception I think you might get quite a big turnout actually if you open up to the whole class.

It’s as the kids get older that people don’t bother with the school social stuff anymore. In my experience anyway!

Conkersinautumn · 18/10/2023 06:40

I often think that those sorts of events are aimed at the parents that already know each other anyway, I know parents avoid me at school so i wouldn't go to something else, there not intended to be inclusive, that's the social contract, isn't it? If you don't fit in, fuck off.

ChChChCherryBomb · 18/10/2023 06:42

Tbh this would be my worst nightmare and if I saw you approaching me asking about another night out I’d try and avoid you (sorry).

You don’t just get lumbered with these tasks, you weren’t forced into the class rep role, or the organising nights out, you must be actively wanting to be part of it all, which is absolutely fine, but there are other parents who don’t want to get involved, which is also fine, so I’d leave them be.

It’s only October, in Reception class. There are 6 more years of potential nights out, that might happen naturally over time. I’d personally leave trying to organising another for now as you might come across as annoying, imo.

Original poster
Hellenabe · 18/10/2023 06:42

@bluepurpleangel yes, but there was no turnout at the time in reception. We are in year 1 now so I don't really want to ask again.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 18/10/2023 06:44

Hellenabe · 18/10/2023 06:30

@Frasers I got lumbered with the task as class rep in Reception.

@Bobtheamazinggingerdog aibu really for traffic but also because I didnt want to ask again. I wish others would sort stuff out.

What is a class rep? It’s your children at school not you - why would you or others sort anything out?

Original poster
Hellenabe · 18/10/2023 06:45

@ChChChCherryBomb noooo i was rep in reception. It's year 1 now. Im not a rep so I'd like to see people but don't want to offend or ask the others. I also don't want to appear cliquey.

OP posts:
bluepurpleangel · 18/10/2023 06:46

Hellenabe · 18/10/2023 06:40

Great ideas peeps! I think it annoys me as others would like it but don't do anything. Others always take it as an op to say something like 'oh I'm going skiing' etc. as though they want to think they are letting you down. Personally I only want to see a few.

Just keep it really breezy, and don’t engage with the “sorry I’m skiing” people! If only your friends turn up it’s no big deal and you’ll still have a nice time.

If you really don’t want to see anyone apart from your friends though, maybe don’t bother to open it up. That sounds like it could be an awkward night for everyone!

Original poster
Hellenabe · 18/10/2023 06:47

@Parker231 class rep is the contact person in the class so we go to meetings etc with school then communicate to the parents. Or do collections etc. Every year they have 2. This isn't about being a rep, it's more I hate asking people but don't want to offend people by not asking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hellenabe · 18/10/2023 06:49

@bluepurpleangel I have 8 so far coming who id consider closer friends and I'd like to see.

OP posts:
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