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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called aside in the office today...

530 replies

whatty · 17/10/2023 23:11

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

OP posts:
letstrythatagain · 18/10/2023 06:47

Finetoday · 17/10/2023 23:53

Anyone else remember when we all worked in offices and use to talk on the phone and no one batted an eyelid !

How precious has the world gone 😂

Lol!! This! The world has gone mad.

Jewelspun · 18/10/2023 06:48

I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male.
...........

That's pure conjecture on your part and trying to paint him as the bad guy to ease your embarrassment that he pulled you up on you lack of co sis ration for others whilst talking in the phone

However, I do not think the whole set up is conducive for a calm working environment and sounds frenetic and over stimulated with lots of distractions.

He didn't do anything wrong but I would question how effective can people be under those awful working conditions.

ittakes2 · 18/10/2023 06:49

If you are not happy with how he delivered the information - how exactly could he have delivered it in a way you would be happy? Or were your thoughts because music is played in some areas they need to put up with your calls even though there is space for you to do these privately?
Surely if you are upsetting other people you would want to know? and not expect them to put up with something affecting their work without speaking up to see if they can fix it?
this has nothing to do with what sex you are

cryinglaughing · 18/10/2023 06:50

I used to work at a place with poor mobile signal. The best spot was at the window near my desk.
I was fed up to the back teeth of people stood next to my desk gassing away, it gave me daily rage.
I ended up moving site as moving desk wasn't an option.
So yeah, I have some sympathy with the office if you've been on calls all day, it is very distracting!

Pipsquiggle · 18/10/2023 06:50

This is a difficult one.

I work in a hot desk office and lots of people have zoom meetings on headsets at their desk. Most of the time it is fine

There is the odd person - could be male or female - that has an overpowering voice on zoom - could be pitch, tone, volume - and TBH it is annoying.

I know I have a 'loud' voice that carries so am conscious to soften it when I am on a zoom call in the office.

SherbetDips · 18/10/2023 06:50

I think it’s fair to ask you to book a pod or whatever if your on calls all day.

I’m a nanny and My boss works from home one day a week and sometimes if we’re home I can hear him on his calls and that is draining and annoying and that’s from inside an closed office door. So I can imagine it’s way more annoying in the same room.

tabulaisrasa · 18/10/2023 06:51

Yes, you would be unreasonable to "stew on this" - what is it you dont understand about respecting other workers in a shared space?!

You are apparently completely oblivious to the distraction you are causing everybody else, and now it's been pointed out to you, all you can think about is still only yourself. Just be considerate of everybody else who has also paid to use the space.

Beautiful3 · 18/10/2023 06:51

But he is right, it's distracting. You dont work in a call centre. Use the pods, so people can concentrate in silence. I used to work in normal offices, then we moved to open plan. It was awful and loud, I didn't get much done in the office, because I kept getting distracted.

user1483387154 · 18/10/2023 06:52

You would have given me the rage! Why on earth wouldnt you have the consideration to use a pod or a room, knowing you are going to be on calls most of the day.

SlipSlidinAway · 18/10/2023 06:52

I worked in a set up like this. If anyone had been on calls for 7 hours they'd have been lynched. Sounds like he handled it extremely well and you are being overly sensitive. Why wouldn't he have spoken to a man in the same way?

PickledPurplePickle · 18/10/2023 06:52

Sounds like he handled it very well to me

You were distracting everyone, how would you have liked him to handle it?

It would have driven me crazy if you had been on calls all day

WaltzingWaters · 18/10/2023 06:53

I think if they have pods available for people who will be on phone calls the majority of the time, that is the space you should be in.
They should make it a company policy though so that everyone is aware, and of course, ensure that these separate spaces are always available.

BalletBob · 18/10/2023 06:53

It's a total reach to make this a sexism issue. You weren't considerate and were politely asked to reconsider the way you behave in a shared space so as not to disrupt others. Of course everyone else knew he was going to speak to you. Presumably every person who complained to him would have been told "thanks for letting me know. I'll speak to her and see if we can resolve the situation".

Sorry you're feeling embarrassed and are reacting with anger, but really the answer is to be more considerate of other people you're sharing space with.

Setyoufree · 18/10/2023 06:56

This is a weird post COVID thing IMO. Previously if you worked with international colleagues you'd have been on the phone to them all day. Now it's unacceptable and you have to get a pod, apparently. Which makes the "you must come into an office so you can sit in a cupboard on your own all day" mandate absolutely ridiculous

RampantIvy · 18/10/2023 07:00

Crikey. How things have changed. People didn't used to be so precious about phone calls.

You must have a loud voice that carries @whatty.

I have a quiet voice and wear a headset. No-one can hear me a desk away. Everyone in my office stays at their desk to make calls. We just have one woman in our office whose voice carries, but I can't hear anyone else on Teams calls. My office isn't noisy, but there is the low hum of voices in the background which is easily tuned out.

Pipsquiggle · 18/10/2023 07:00

Also, your seniority and not really knowing you that well probably prevented your co-workers from speaking to you directly.

NashvilleQueen · 18/10/2023 07:02

I would have found it incredibly distracting to listen to one side of a conversation for hours when I'm trying to concentrate.

MoonlightMuse · 18/10/2023 07:03

The civil service department I work for has no policy for taking calls in a pod/meeting room. These rooms have to be booked in advance and for particular purposes, you can’t tie up a room just for day to day meetings. The head offices/hub sites have hundreds of people across different directorates on the same floor, open plan. You just get on with your day and if you have calls you make them. Yes, you can be pulled up if you’re obnoxiously loud but for the sole reason of being on calls all day you wouldn’t.

WonderingWanda · 18/10/2023 07:05

I don't think he did anything wrong if multiple people have complained it was distracting.

I think open plan offices are horrible, I hate overstimulation from noise.

potatoheads · 18/10/2023 07:07

You were t pulled aside in a reprimand way. You were asked if you could spare a mo to have a discussion about something. What di you want? That he talks about it in the open? What else would you suggest he do. He probably felt awkward too but in shared spaces we have to negotiate how to work around each other. Pods are available. Why on earth weren't you using one? He shouldn't have had to ask you to use one.

Shinyandnew1 · 18/10/2023 07:07

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front.

I think you should book a pod or room if you are going to be on lots of calls, like he asked you to.

QueSyrahSyrah · 18/10/2023 07:08

Switcher · 18/10/2023 06:33

Hmm well I work for a US company so everyone is on calls all afternoon. We'd soon run out of pods if everyone had to do them elsewhere!

It's different if everyone is on calls. Everyone in our customer service team is on calls all day, thus they are separate from accounts and ops and systems who are quietly involved in often complicated work requiring attention to detail.

SkiingIsHeaven · 18/10/2023 07:09

I'm so glad that I no longer have to work in open plan offices. There is nothing good about them. I always hated them.

PixiePirate · 18/10/2023 07:12

It wouldn’t surprise me if he did feel more comfortable pulling you aside than he would a man of similar age. I do get where you’re coming from there and it does sound a bit mansplainy. I quite like your response to him tbh.

That said, I can see why back to back calls for most of the day would be irritating for those around you. In your shoes I’d probably reflect and then modify my way of working slightly.

Orquid · 18/10/2023 07:12

I agree with him; not everyone needs to listen to your meetings all day; some people are very loud too, I am probably one of those but tend to go into pods ir meetings rooms.

If you were on meetings all day I can see how that was distracting for other people. I am sure he would have told you if you were a man too. Of course other people knew as they have complained to him

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