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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called aside in the office today...

530 replies

whatty · 17/10/2023 23:11

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

OP posts:
YellowMonday · 18/10/2023 14:15

Depends on the office.

We're also open plan and hot desk design. I'm in about 6 hours of meetings daily, a mix of virtual and in person. Virtual meetings are at my desk, as for everyone in the business.

When not on calls and needing quiet, we simply pop on noise cancelling headphones. No one has an issue with this, and I'm in a large office.

whittingtonmum · 18/10/2023 14:19

I would also be asking someone not to take back to back calls in an open plan office and use pods or meeting rooms instead. It really is a pain and people on headsets tend to speak fairly loudly because they can't hear themselves properly.

twostraws · 18/10/2023 14:22

whatty · 18/10/2023 09:10

Thanks for all the feedback. I was clearly in the wrong. Just one point of clarification- I didn't book a pod for the day, as I needed multiple screens, rather than just my laptop for the calls I was on... Either way- I should have booked an office and will do in future. Seems a bit miserable to come into the hub to see people around the office and have some meetings in person- but spend the majority of the day in a cupboard. But times have obviously changed, and I need to get on board.

Thanks again for the your comments

If you need multiple screens etc and to be on the phone all the time... the point is, you're supposed to upgrade your membership to get a full-time private office, rather than using the communal office space and occasionally jumping into a pod to take a call.

You can be as loud as you like in a private office because you're only annoying your colleagues (if you have any) rather than everyone else with a co-working subscription.

Happyhannah2 · 18/10/2023 14:48

I agree with him too ... sorry. Constant chitchat is partly why I retired early ... couldn't bear open plan working. So noisy.

PlayingfootballwithSeals · 18/10/2023 14:56

It is always horrible to be called to one side like this, you feel talked about and attacked. Let that initial 'burn' fade before doing anything at all.

He has a point. I have worked in open plan offices for many years. Unfortunately there is often someone whose voice just carries. They can't help it but it can be extremely distracting.

In one office (in Asia - where no one felt comfortable to be direct with the person concerned), people started to wear those Ear Protectors people wear at the F1 or on building sites. A vast array of plants suddenly arrived and were dotted about (to absorb sound). Quite comical to think back. Anything to avoid 'lack of face'

I would take it on the chin. In order to avoid any atmosphere I would also probably address it to the group. 'Sorry, I believe I may have been distracting the office with my calls - it has been a busy and demanding time and I didn't realise the impact it has on others trying to focus. I will use the pods in future'. I would also probably leave some snacks out as an informal apology. It will blow over in no time and you will also adapt. People will admire that - someone who can take feedback and act on it.

Having a go at this chap will make you look irrational/lacking self awareness. He probably hated having to have this conversation with you in the first place.

badhappenings · 18/10/2023 15:23

Sorry, it would drive me to distraction, so much so, I know it would result in a very non-productive day.
My job takes a lot of concentration, but tbh I think it would irritate anyone within earshot.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 18/10/2023 15:30

MargotBamborough · 18/10/2023 10:54

Well then maybe start by considering that your experience isn't universal!

If you're working in a call centre then yes, the expectation is that everyone will be making calls and that's the environment.

In other types of jobs, many of which are now in open plan environments, people are doing different things. People who need to work on spreadsheets or draft word documents will be sitting within a couple of feet of people who need to make phone calls and join Teams meetings. If there are other people in the space who need to carry out non phone related tasks then you need to be respectful of that and keep the noise down. And if you can't keep the noise down you need to take the noise elsewhere.

Show quote history

Thanks Margot, it's almost like - and bear with me here - reading through the thread and contributing my experience and opinion is exactly me doing so Hmm

I do agree with the person who said if the expectation is to both be in the office and to be on multiple virtual meetings a day, then the current environment clearly doesn't work and people like OP should have their own office.

PlayingfootballwithSeals · 18/10/2023 15:41

I think, to be fair - open plan offices can be just awful. I think a lot of people are wising up to how we have been forced to work over the last 15-20 years. Spending all of our days hemmed into quite soulless spaces - damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I think the Op has shown great character in taking this feedback on board. Also, a key point is this man introducing himself as though they don't know each other (when they had worked together on things in the past). This would have pissed me off as well - something that some 'senior' men do more than women in my experience. Anyone who is not important or useful to them is invisible and forgotten.

caringcarer · 18/10/2023 16:00

purplemunkey · 17/10/2023 23:16

Sorry, but I agree. I hate when people around me are on long calls or zoom meetings at their desk. Get a room or pod. If you were genuinely on calls all day this would have driven me mad. I always take myself off to a room for things like this.

I know in my DH office you have to book pods for Teams meetings or if you want to take a call you find an empty pod especially if a long calls. The office is usually quite quiet according to him so people can concentrate on their work.

caringcarer · 18/10/2023 16:02

longestlurkerever · 17/10/2023 23:27

What do people do when there aren't enough pods though? I work in the civil service. There's massive pressure to be in the office a certain percentage of the time but it's overcrowded and there is a huge premium on pods and meeting rooms.

Book well in advance. In DH office they have a cancellation board. If you can no longer go in to work and decid you can work from home or at a different site you can ring in to cancel a pod. He says people hover around the board hoping for a cancellation.

GentlemanJay · 18/10/2023 16:11

Don't be precious. Take it on the chin and find somewhere more suitable.

justteanbiscuits · 18/10/2023 16:16

PlayingfootballwithSeals · 18/10/2023 15:41

I think, to be fair - open plan offices can be just awful. I think a lot of people are wising up to how we have been forced to work over the last 15-20 years. Spending all of our days hemmed into quite soulless spaces - damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I think the Op has shown great character in taking this feedback on board. Also, a key point is this man introducing himself as though they don't know each other (when they had worked together on things in the past). This would have pissed me off as well - something that some 'senior' men do more than women in my experience. Anyone who is not important or useful to them is invisible and forgotten.

If I had been in a meeting with someone, once, there is a strong likelihood I wouldn't recognise them again. I also always presume they wouldn't remember me, even if I remembered them, so would introduce myself and who I was. I'm a woman btw

PlayingfootballwithSeals · 18/10/2023 16:36

@justteanbiscuits i get that, and full disclosure I struggle to remember people at times. In this scenario though, If I was him and given we share the same office space, I would have assumed we would have met before and say 'I work with xxx I think we have met before haven't we - what was we worked on? Just politer.

Justus6 · 18/10/2023 16:59

Can't say I agree with most of the comments here. It's a shared office space yes you have to be aware that others are working around you and be considerate however so do they.

I don't think it's particularly fair to ask someone to sit in isolation because the nature of their work requires them to be on calls. In my place of work the pods/side rooms are used for private conversations and work that requires no distractions.

I don't think you have done anything wrong but I wouldn't be holding on to it either it's not worth the hassle. Just be mindful of how loud you are being and if approached again agree that yes it is a shared office space therefore you are entitled to use it the same and everyone else.

NewName122 · 18/10/2023 17:13

Yabu op he is correct.

Creamteasandbumblebees · 18/10/2023 17:47

Sorry but I agree with him. It's so annoying when you are trying to concentrate. Other people's conversations are distracting. You may have been talking louder than you realised if you were wearing a headset. Next time book a pod.

cruisebaba1 · 18/10/2023 17:53

MsFogi · 17/10/2023 23:27

Oh dear OP unless everyone in the shared office makes lots of long calls in the shared area all day I think you ´au have just found out that you are ´That Person’ in the office! There’s always one - too loud or doing antisocial activities (like nose picking/nail clipping etc).

What?????

Bruises1 · 18/10/2023 18:04

Headsets are the worse.

Recommend you push one back, so you're only listening through one ear and you'll have a better sense of how loud you may have been.

We work with a lady who has no idea how loud she is being on the phone and it is really distracting.

I too am loud when wearing my headset (noise cancelling means I dont always realise how much I'm raising my voice) but pushing one ear piece aside means i can monitor the level of my own voice.

concertgoer · 18/10/2023 18:34

I would probably not have waited till 6.30 to say something to you.

regardless of volume, or distraction to others, do you not have GDPR or general confidentiality/courtesy issues with your work to not be broadcasting it to a room of strangers?
did the person on the other end of the call know everything being said to them was also being said to others? (& highly likely they could hear what you were hearing too through your headset).

ThanksItHasPockets · 18/10/2023 18:34

PlayingfootballwithSeals · 18/10/2023 15:41

I think, to be fair - open plan offices can be just awful. I think a lot of people are wising up to how we have been forced to work over the last 15-20 years. Spending all of our days hemmed into quite soulless spaces - damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I think the Op has shown great character in taking this feedback on board. Also, a key point is this man introducing himself as though they don't know each other (when they had worked together on things in the past). This would have pissed me off as well - something that some 'senior' men do more than women in my experience. Anyone who is not important or useful to them is invisible and forgotten.

Based on the limited information that OP has given you might just as legitimately conclude that he re-introduced himself because he is not so arrogant as to assume that she would remember him. He introduced himself to her, he didn’t ask who she was.

Naimee87 · 18/10/2023 18:44

Yea i HATE it when someones on a call in the office and there are free pods right next to their desks. Wouldn’t you have also had to be careful and really quiet with what you were talking about surely some of the information would have been confidential?

He could maybe have intervened earlier? If he saw you on a break maybe…

Guesswho88 · 18/10/2023 19:06

whatty · 18/10/2023 09:10

Thanks for all the feedback. I was clearly in the wrong. Just one point of clarification- I didn't book a pod for the day, as I needed multiple screens, rather than just my laptop for the calls I was on... Either way- I should have booked an office and will do in future. Seems a bit miserable to come into the hub to see people around the office and have some meetings in person- but spend the majority of the day in a cupboard. But times have obviously changed, and I need to get on board.

Thanks again for the your comments

FWIW I don't think it would bother me and the storm must have come early because there are many many snowflakes ❄❄

Sennelier1 · 18/10/2023 19:40

Oh wow, yes o.k. you were in a shared office space, but you wouldn't expect everybody working there was in call the whole day? May sound like a callcenter then. A lot depends on how far your voice carries, but if all the workers could hear you you were obviously in the wrong. Why did you decide to sit there and not in a cubicle or a room? You like to be surrounded by people while you make calls?

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 18/10/2023 19:49

whatty I’m still genuinely interested as to why you being in a senior role was mentioned in your opening post? Did you feel more entitled and important to disturb others?

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 18/10/2023 19:52

Sorry op but I agree with him

I hate listening to other people's calls or meetings and think it's quite entitled to do that all day if there are pods available for you to use for your calls