Called aside in the office today...

[whatty]

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

YANBU to get your job done.

YABU not to move into a private space for your calls and meetings if there was one available.

I get what you're saying about the social side of the office, but you're not really benefitting from that if you're on constant calls. And you're also impacting your co-workers far too much.

I find it really confusing that people find this annoying? I hadn't considered that my experience wasn't universal.

@whatty someone - or multiple someone's - taking calls don't bother me. I started working in a contact centre, and when I'm in the office it's still a contact centre. If we all had to take calls in a room we'd never get anything done and just be queuing for them all day. I will go in a room if the meeting has confidential elements or if I have to concentrate more than usual.

The vocal hum of others talking around me doesn't bother me. And I'm honestly surprised it bothers so many people - haven't you learned how to tune it out by now?!

Open plan means you need to be more aware about how much noise you are making.

Agreed with PPs who think he handled it rather well. I have a job that is heavy on meetings/phone calls and on such days I either work from home or book a pod.

Well then maybe start by considering that your experience isn't universal!

If you're working in a call centre then yes, the expectation is that everyone will be making calls and that's the environment.

In other types of jobs, many of which are now in open plan environments, people are doing different things. People who need to work on spreadsheets or draft word documents will be sitting within a couple of feet of people who need to make phone calls and join Teams meetings. If there are other people in the space who need to carry out non phone related tasks then you need to be respectful of that and keep the noise down. And if you can't keep the noise down you need to take the noise elsewhere.

Well your workplace sounds utterly shit. Not sure why you're promoting it as if we should all act like bitchy schoolchildren instead of having adult conversations.

I don't think he did anything wrong. He raised an issue his team we having It is very distracting hearing someone's voice. You may be louder than you think too.

If there is a more suitable place to talk and receive calls then use it

It is so messed up that you think this is better than one person having a grown-up conversation with another.

There is nothing that makes me think less of a manager than if they issue an email or put up a notice to address something that only one person is doing.

It's a short cut to letting me know that they have no balls and are too scared to actually have a conversation with that person. That they'd rather imply that we're all guilty, than face an uncomfortable chat.

I'm amazed that some people in this thread think that weasely passive aggressiveness is preferable to actual leadership.

Absolutely. It is cowardly and it absolutely torpedoes morale when the whole staff have to listen to (or read) a telling-off that they all know is addressed at one individual.

Thoughts from what you provided.

You're in your 40s in a senior role. So part of that includes role modelling and leading by example in a set up where others need to be considered.

He asked to have a word with you - an in person chat is always more effective than an email or teams message. The interpersonal element.

Your back to back calls in an environment where people were trying to get on with their work were distracting them - if it's a call / contact centre fair enough but it's important to consider the impact of that on people trying to quietly think and deliver.

I wonder of the fact that people had spoken to him rather than to you reflects how you're seen in the office?

Is there an element of prickliness there, as comes across in your post?

Pods are great for creating a private enclosed environment which keeps things confidential for you and keeps a quiet atmosphere for the others.

Saying he wouldn't have done this with a man feels like grabbing at straws unless there is lots of previous form for that.

He's a senior person, colleagues have asked him for help - so yes, he had a right and a duty to do that.

But letting everyone see you being taken aside - I agree, that could have been done better.

Being able to seek, accept and act on feedback when your behaviour's had an impact on others is a great skill for any professional, expecially a senior.

Don't do any 'measured feedback of my own/ direct home truths' other than 'thankyou for letting me know '.

Getting livid and wanting to have a go isn't a good look. It reads like lashing out in retaliation and may account for why they didn't feel they could approach you themselves.

Must have been a nightmare for anyone trying to concentrate on what they were doing with you talking for 7 hours. He was correct to raise his staff's concerns to you: he's their manager, he needs to get the best out of his team and if they're distracted and unable to focus then he's failing. I bet, like most people on the phone, you were talking a lot more loudly than you think you were.

My question is why you think it's okay for you to dominate a shared space? Why do you think your needs outweigh the peace and comfort of everyone around you?

Paradoxically many people on calls is much easier to tune out than one person. Multiple calls will combine into the 'vocal hum' that you describe and yes, this can be tuned out. One person on a call is much more invasive.

@whatty He wasn't being unreasonable. Lots of others mush have said something for him to have had to hàve done this. Especially if you were in a quiet space. Must have been distracting for others

Yes, I'm not saying that is appropriate. Publicly pulling someone aside to give them a dressing down is not a grown up (or professional) conversation. And doing it to someone who doesnt actually work for you is an HR issue.

Your experience of the working world is frankly bizarre.

Speaking to a peer, in terms of seniority level, in a private one to one setting to address an issue which is affecting multiple people is absolutely the professional option.

You adding that it was a "dressing down" is adding ridiculous context that you do not have. Nothing in OP's description backs up that statement. He simply told the OP that multiple people had reported the issue to him as distracting, and could she use a private pod the next time.

And no, it is not a "HR issue" to have a conversation with someone who doesn't work for you.

It's not a dressing down. It's an informal request to use a different space if you're going to be on a lot of calls. Might become an issue if OP gets arsey about it, which she isn't, but strip away the corporate bollocks and it's just someone saying, "Your calls are distracting, could you do them in a pod or at home in future?"

He didn't give her a dressing down. He gave her some feedback and asked her to do things better in future. A good manager should be able to take feedback and to give it to others. To be frank, the OP doesn't sound as if she has the kind of professional skills to be a good manager. He does. There was a problem and he took her aside, explained what the problem was, told her how she could deal with it (book an office) and requested that she do that in future when she had a call-heavy day. This is adult behaviour. OP's 'Oh, but I'll miss the social aspect of being with colleagues' response indicates how this is all about her and not about the greater good.

Does my head in when people spend all day on calls or have long loud calls in the office. we have a new office building with plenty of meeting rooms and pods, so take your laptop there!

Of course the office shouldn't be silent, but there's a difference between chatting to colleagues and taking calls in an open plan office

you’re in a shared space. Sounds like you were being quite loud and clearly distracting others from their work.

speaking on a phone for many hours in an office environment is very different to background music which generally is easy on the ear and quite calming.

yabu

Yeah it would be considered common courtesy in my company to book a room for yourself if you were going to be on calls for that long.

If many people felt the need to mention it, it's likely you were in the wrong.

Things have probably changed in recent years but I'd feel embarrassed to be on calls for that long in an office full of people doing other work. It's self important and inconsiderate.

Sorry OP as I know it’s made you feel really crap but I’m with him. Six hours of non-stop talking and calls in a quiet communal space where nobody else is doing that makes you the one that needs to adjust your behaviour to your surroundings, not him / them. Take your cue from the sort of work others are doing and the sort of atmosphere they all need to do their jobs. If they are all working quietly and keeping noise minimal, you on a headset for six hours is going to make them go mad.

That said, Apple noise-cancelling EarPods are a godsend. You can drown out anyone with those.

II don't mind the general hum - but quite a significant minority of people seem to become really loud when talking on the phone/computer, and that is really annoying.