Called aside in the office today...

[whatty]

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

It was always considered really poor etiquette to take meetings and calls in open plan space when we were office based.
There would always be at least one person oblivious to this and spend the day shouting down their headset. Very annoying and discourteous for everyone else on the floor.

Of course you should have used a pod or a room.

Before homeworking, hotdesking and pods were so common, though, you often didn't have a choice. Sometimes there might be a quiet office with a phone but often there wasn't.

In a very junior role years ago, I often had to speak on the phone to people with a degree of hearing impairment. I had to yell into the receiver. My co workers knew there was no other option and were very patient.

If there are pods, though, of course you should use them. That's literally what they're for!

Please don't bring up some tired "I am a WOMAN" trope - you were on the phone for 8 hours with people round you trying to work!!!

WTF, no, it's not the same situation at all.

There are lots of people who work in offices who need to be able to concentrate. I literally wouldn't be able to get my work done if someone was making phone calls next to me for hours on end. And I expect the same is true of my colleagues.

I had a male colleague who did this, not hours on end but loud phone calls in the open plan space, and we asked him to get a room.

There's actually no point coming into the office if you're just going to be on the phone all day. You could easily do the same thing at home and not distract anyone. That's why I work from home when I have a lot of calls planned.

This with bells on.

I don’t go into the office if i have more than 2 hours worth of calls in a day. Listening to half a conversation is incredibly distracting

Honestly I don't think this is about your gender.

It sounds like you were talking all day and the people around you found that tough.

It also sounds like this man approached you in a kind and constructive way. If you have an option to work in a pod, why wouldn't you? You were on calls all day so that would make the best sense.
Time to take a step back and try to avoid feeling defensive.

He was just doing his job. Why on earth don't you think he would have given the same feedback to a male colleague.

If there are pods available for you to make calls then you should of course use them. It is massively distracting/annoying to have someone constantly talking in an office environment when you're trying to concentrate. I would absolutely hate to be sat anywhere near someone making back to back phone calls all day.

He tried to speak to you in a professional way. I know it’s annoying but what else can he do if his team are complaining to him.

Of course you are being unreasonable. It's a shared space and you were behaving with no consideration for anyone else.
Nothing to do with you being female.

A man in my office just got pulled aside for this very issue. It can’t be helped but it is really annoying for everyone around you, and also some people just have a much more carrying voice than others. I don’t even just mean loud - sometimes someone is speaking quietly but it’s just very penetrating. This man is like that hence my boss having to have a word, possibly that’s you as well. I don’t think it’s sexist.

I don’t think he did anything wrong. I work in an open plan office and it is very distracting when people are on lots on Teams calls/meetings. If there are other spaces as he said there was to have these meetings then I would use them.

Yes, I was surprised by the responses as well. A shared office space is…shared. So no one gets to tell anyone else how to do their work.

@whatty you have my sympathies as well about being taken into another room to talk. However you slice it, it will feel like being told off. And suspicions of a bit of a variation on a mansplaining power play. There would have been much less ‘public’ ways of having that conversation I would imagine. But then I still feel pissed off about a man running up to me in a parking lot as I was backing into a space to yell parking instructions the other day. Never in a million years would he have done that to another man.

YABU.
In these setups the pods exist for a reason and it is polite to take yourself to a pod for teams calls, particularly when you have many back to back!

It's about respect for the people around you.

He didn't say there was a policy expecting silence, but normal office chat or the odd phone call is entirely different to someone on teams calls back to back all day.

This has nothing to do with your age, the fact that you're a woman or your seniority. Lets not do that.

Isn't this your chance to justify your own private space, away from the open office? Demand a corner office.

Its an office space, people will be on calls, sometimes 20 different people and sometimes just 1 person - thats the deal with hot design and not wfh.

I would find the policy for the hub and then take it to him and address that these aren't in the rules and if he wants to change the rules then he needs to take it up with management of the hub, you hope he takes that in the best way. If people are distracted by one person or several people taking calls then possibly they shouldn't be working in an environment where music is playing and calls are being taken in an open plan office.

This man can't just take it upon himself to take someone to task over another person using the office within the rules. He needs to follow an appropriate chain of action, take it to management and complain and see if something can be changed - management might or might not agree with him

@DrBlackbird you have my sympathies as well about being taken into another room to talk. However you slice it, it will feel like being told off. And suspicions of a bit of a variation on a mansplaining power play. There would have been much less ‘public’ ways of having that conversation I would imagine

What could have been less public than a 1 to 1 chat in a separate room, away from other people?

It sounds like although the way he raised the issue was polite and respectful to you, you're embarrassed because someone's "had a word" with you. Most people can identify with that, it's never nice however tactful the other person is.

I think you should take his suggestion on board and reconsider your working practices, as you're certainly disturbing a lot of people who just want to get on with their work. However, since you haven't returned to the thread you started, you look even more petulant and stroppy and you're probably a bit of a nightmare to work with...

We have what is ostentatiously called the "MS Teams room".

It used to be the cleaning cupboard.

If the Teams cupboard is in use - you're out of luck - it's at your desk and talk as quietly as you can, or try to park your car within wifi reach and sit in your car. Or schedule yourself to WFH on a Teams-heavy day which is what most of us tend to do.

On the other hand - I walked into the office yesterday to hear a colleague on Teams without any headset on discussing the vet shoving his finger up her dog's bum! That was taking it a bit too beyond the boundaries of office etiquette even for me.

Sorry OP but you were on calls pretty much all day, and if you had a headset you probably don't have a sense of how loud your voice was. I have a voice which really carries and have to be very conscious of this.

I also have an absolute horror of being told off, even in my forties, so I do empathise with your anger and mortification. However you don't know that it is a gendered issue and it isn't helpful to frame it as such. Be honest - are you a bit pissed off that he didn't remember previously meeting you?

it was clear that those from his business all around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside"

You do understand that this is because they are the people who complained about you to him?

Sorry OP. YANBU to feel embarrassed and to interpret this as anger but he has a responsibility to his own team and it sounds like he handled it reasonably well so overall YABU. I don't think there is any way he could have raised this with you that wouldn't have made you react in this way.

YABVU.

He handled it well, and is nipping the hostility in the bud!
I wouldn’t even do what you did in our own offices, and we have no ‘quiet’ policy in place.
Someone on lots of calls, or who needs to talk a lot on a call will move to another space.
Use the pods. You realise everyone can hear every word you’re saying too? Annoying and potentially a confidentiality issue. It would be different if it was more of a call centre type set up where everyone is on headsets and calls all day.

He was right.

It is fine to have brief calls in a shared office like that but if you spend your entire day on the phone/having zoom meetings and talking loudly you should obviously try to get a separate room.

People should not have to tell you that...

I have a colleague who thinks what he does is of the utmost importance and does this big sigh when he’s finished a call and looks around to see who has caught his masterpiece.

I don’t think OP does this but it does show that people can have very little self awareness.