To worry about my children taken to play dates without me knowing?

[teoma]

Hi, please don’t judge but I really don’t know whether I’m being over dramatic. Our nanny took the children out for a gym class. Turned out it was overbooked and they had to go to the local park instead where she met her brother (he’s our neighbour). They took the kids back to his for a play date with his toddler who’s a bit younger than my children. I only learned about the change in plans when I texted to ask how they’re doing. I trust her, but I think parents should be asked before taking the children to other people’s homes. AIBU?

No I think you are being over fussy. She made a decision which nannies have to do from time to time. IMO it was a perfeftly sensible and reasonable one in the circumstances.. If you don't like her decisions then is she the nanny for you. Probably not.

My worst nightmare regarding my kids is significantly worse than that.

I can't really understand why not knowing they were there is worse?
If something happened to my kids (heaven forbid) surely it would be "worse" for me if it happened on my watch...if I was there/gave permission/knew....if I had no idea then I wouldn't feel quite as bad

I e read the OP and updates and I'm still not sure what the mammy should have done. The class was overbooked. So did you expect a tact from her then? Does she need to not do anything until you respond, or do you trust that she's not going to put your children at risk; in which case a text for which she doesn't need a response, then she can carry on with their day?

My gut feeling is that if you don't trust her and her judgment, you need to look after them yourself. I know you say you trust her, but you clearly don't trust her judgment about who she thinks it's safe to have your child around. So you're saying one thing, but your actions are saying something else. I'd think very carefully about how you proceed, otherwise you may lose her.

Absolutely not what I said!

When mine were young and had a nanny. I would not want them to go to the house of some randomer without my consent.

If she'd have asked beforehand if she could take my kids to her brother's house, I would indeed have asked who else was there.

As per stats from the ONS 98% of perpetrators of sexual assault are men. Yes I know not all men! But my main job as mum, is to protect my kids.

That's why when they were younger I never had boyfriends stay over.

By the time they were 13-15 I was more confident about them saying at homes where I didn't know the parents. Always clear to phone me if they didn't feel comfortable. None of this #BeKind nonsense.

I only had one phone call, my dd asked me to pick her up as "she didn't feel well". Turns out the dad had kept popping into the teen's room to ask if they wanted anything. Hot chocolate etc.

Made my daughter uncomfortable so she knew I would pick her up.

It's all about boundaries and knowing where your own are. Sadly if you read some of these threads on mumnset you realise a lot of woman have none :(

This

This, completely.

a) when I'm at work, I'm busy, and not able to be tracking my childminder's movements throughout the day
and
b) I completely trusted all the childcare providers I've used over the years. If I didn't, then I wouldn't leave my dc with them. They are experienced professionals who are there, on the ground, in the situation, with the dc - they are in a much better position than I am to make any decisions or dynamic risk assessments than I am, as I'm not there.

My parents look after DD and the one rule I had for them was that I needed to know where she was at all times if they're taking her out. Sounds OTT but my worst nightmare would be to find out something happened and I didn't even know my child was there.

This is just bizarre. Yes, it is completely OTT. What difference would it make if you knew your child was in the park, or going round the supermarket with your parents ? You either trust them you look after your dc, or you don't. Expecting anyone to send you texts or make phone calls throughout the day to say "we came home a bit earlier than expected because it's so hot today" or "We were heading for the park but it's started to rain so we are heading in to the library instead until it eases off", "is that okay?" is just ridiculous.

@teoma did the nanny stay at the playdate?

Yes, she did.

I don't see what the problem is then.