To think 2 x full-time parents and no family support is quite unusual?

[bluepurpleangel]

I have read a lot of threads on MN recently where juggling life, work, childcare etc with both parents working full time and no family support seems to be the norm.

Is this really a reflection of real life? Thinking of people I know with younger children (say primary age or younger), I don’t think I know many two-parent families at all in this situation. In the vast majority of cases at least one parent works part-time and I also know quite a lot of families with a SAH parent.

Of those families where both parents work full time, they usually have some grandparent support with childcare or school pick ups etc.

Just seems a really sharp contrast to the situations I seem to read about on MN. Are my circles unusual or do others also find that 2 x FT working parents juggling everything on their own is quite rare?

Few of my friends had help from their parents, TBH - lots of them were still working FT themselves.

We have two dead mothers, one 80 year old father and one living abroad 70 odd year old father. One useless sister and one

** only child. So no support.

I work 35 hours, wife is a SAHM. My parents are abroad, fil is dead, mil doesn't take that much interest tbh. Years since we did anything just the two of us. It'll happen again one day as the children get older.

Sorry - not meaning to sound mean or judgey, but honestly don’t know anyone who relies on family support, either amongst my friends or my colleagues.

Have both worked full time since youngest DC was 6. My mum is amazing and helps where she can but lives 2 hours away so it's not regular support.

Most people I work with seem to have family living nearby which surprises me as none of my childhood friends still live near family members. Everyone moved away.

A decade ago, I think you’d have been right. Unfortunately it’s not possible to sustain a family on one or 1.5 wages these days. The mental health impact (adult and child) is huge, but sadly that’s the impact of the times we live in.

We have zero support and neither of us can work as a consequence due to SEN/unwell dc. It’s amazing how family can offer no support but have plenty of judgemental comments about us not working 🤦‍♀️

Not area dependent but profession dependent in my case. Almost everyone I know is a doctor or nurse. Almost all are two working parents and the majority two parents working full time. Very few have family help as it’s the norm to move around for training and to go where the jobs are in your specialty.

Many parts of the health system would collapse without working parents. I think of that every time some fool is judgmental about it on MN.

No, we both worked full time in middle management roles. No support, DM was too old and in-laws lived 300 miles away and when they visited they did tend to want to be looked after or spent the days travelling our local area. Never available for a school pick up - much too busy doing their own thing.

We muddled through by throwing money at childcare. Kids are now grown up (thank goodness).

Same as this for us and all our friends - just outside London and all couples have both parents working FT and no family within 200 miles.

We are those people. My parents say we have their support and can come over to help at any time, just ask. But when I have asked, I get asked if I really need it. And to be honest, I've structured my life so that there is always another option

.... So they means they have looked after children while we went out for 4 hours once. They also helped while I had a newborn but were itching to get home.

That’s us. 2 small children, both work full time and parents a flight away. No support.
oh and fuck all wraparound care.

Thankfully that stage is over for us, but no family support here either. It just meant expensive and stressful childcare for years and years. We had a variety of arrangements for nearly 15 years, including nursery, nanny shares, au pairs, breakfast and after school clubs, childminders, babysitters and holiday camps. DH's parents would occasionally come and stay for a few days, but that meant they also needed to be looked after. My parents were younger and were still working themselves. Fairly typical for people I know who came to London for jobs after university.

We're both full-time in London with limited support from grandparents. Mine are overseas and the other set have health issues but can help in a serious emergency. There are a handful of parents I know who get lots of grand parent support eg regular school pick ups and mind kids for long weekends.
It seems great tbh!
We just muddle again. I'm hoping to move down to 4.5 days soon and we make use of babysitters.

I worked part time till my youngest was 2. Then divorce and had no choice but to work FT. Fast forward 3 years and then living with a new partner and his children. We both worked FT more for career than money but my god, it was HARD. We did opposite days (shift work) and I did compressed hours, but did have some support during summer holidays from my parents. DCs dad is off the scene
so no help there.
I live in an affluent area and many of my parent peers don’t work and have parental support within 2 hours drive away.

I’m now at the stage where my kids can walk home and entertain themselves till I get home and it’s a new way of living for all of us!

Perhaps the phrase “it takes a village” gets over used but I really could have done with that village at points in my life.

We both worked full time with no family support up until 2 years ago, when I went part time.
We used a childminder 5 days a week.

Hi OP I’m late to the thread. But zero family support here. I work 45-50 hours a week. Partner works 15-25 hours (we took the financial hit to work around the DC). We have used childminder and nursery when DC were young. Now we work around school times to make it work. GP now passed away and no other family within 200 miles. Our kids have never stayed overnight with family or had a day out with family without us. They just are not around or live too far away. We have had 4 one-night breaks away from DC in 12 years when friends have had them.

But this is very unusual in our part of the country - a lot of people come from here, and don’t tend to migrate in or out of the area much. This means most families have long-standing and big family connections, with cousins, grandparents, etc nearby. It can be a tough comparison - but we are an international family. So I’m hoping the longer term benefits I’d having a lightly wider horizons and our friendship group will compensate. Thanks for starting a fascinating thread.

We both work full time and might get family support 3 times a year-ish. Usually with a lot of moaning.

Most of the people I know locally have family support, many of them have parents who pickup/have the kids 2-3 days a week.

That’s just how the cookie crumbles. But then if I had supportive parents I probably wouldn’t live so far away from them.

We both work full time. Do get family support in the school holidays but not day to day

It's realistic for me and DP

Similar thoughts here, but swap healthcare for education.

Almost everyone in my circle is a professional. Most of us have parents who are still of working age too, therefore can’t help with childcare as they are working themselves.

It is harder to give up a 40k+ job to have kids than it is to give up a minimum wage job, since those on lower earnings will be topped up by UC and those on higher earnings will not. If I dropped to PT, I’d still not get funded childcare, so I’d be paying childcare whilst also decimating my pension fund, mortgage eligibility, and so on. I earn more in a day than I pay for childcare.

In my experience, those in professional circles also have children later in life, have fewer children, and have larger age gaps, all of which make working more profitable.

Most people I know are single parents and the majority don't have much if any support at all.

People don't realise how lucky they are in a couple.

Both work full time; one set of parents dead and the other 200 miles away.

It’s expensive and stressful sometimes but I do silently judge/envy those with parents on hand to do the school run/childcare.

In our area, those parents are also the part timers who only start their children at nursery once they get their free hours and have got their mum to do the drop off.