To expect my mum to "do better"

[jswawsn]

I feel awful even saying it and accept that I probably am BU.

I am doing a course that requires placement blocks of 4-6 weeks. My mum offered to help out with childcare of DS who is in year 1. She is staying with me. I also have a 1 year old cocker spaniel that we somewhat share.

She came yesterday morning. Since then, the dog has pissed five times, on my carpet and rug. He's not had an accident in months, it's because he's not being let out quickly enough.

The house was a mess when I got in yesterday, dishes on the side, crumbs all the sofa and floor. Clothes and rubbish on the floor.

DS has to get to school for 8:20, he's been late both times. Today she dropped him off at 8:45.

AIBU to be getting silently annoyed by this?

Sorry but yabu

I am the DM in this situation, but my family live in my house. I think YANBU.

You need to hire a housekeeper.

How old is she? I’m 60 next year and our house is a bombsite after we’ve had our 3 year old grandchild for the day. It’s hard work.

Why does your child need to be at school so early?

Doesn’t school have breakfast club and after school clubs? I think those would be better options if this is too much for your mum…
assuming the dog is a puppy? Then surely that’s quite normal?

It’s day 2 of it, of course things will take some getting used to.

did you go through timing and things with her? At the end of the day it sounds like she has agreed to move away from her life for blocks of time to help you out so you need to be patient!

No, you are not being unreasonable. The whole point is to help, not hinder. This would really irritate me, especially the dog not being let out as it’s not nice for them either.

Hmm she's doing you a favour so while you can be annoyed, you can't really say anything. Child and dog are both safe. I have a cocker spaniel too and 5 accidents in one day doesn't sound like just not being let out quickly enough. Either he's not reliably house-trained, he's stressed from change in routine (not her fault), or he has a UTI. I take it she cleaned up and didn't just leave it for you, since you share the dog?

I don't, I keep on top of it just fine.

The mess that's been left is mostly hers.

Early 50's.

No, I got back and saw the pee and she said she hadn't noticed.

Today it happened again and she cleaned it up after I pointed it out.

Ok so don't expect your mother to be one.

She's helping you with the childcare, it's not reasonable to expect her to do everything else.

I’d be annoyed. Unless she’s WFH, what is she doing all day that she can’t even let the dog out to pee?

Hmm I dunno. My mum has my 1 year old twice a week. I don't think I'd expect her to be responsible for school drop offs, housework and the dog. Seems alot, how old is she?

My mum is in her 60s and when I pick DD up her house looks like a bombsite 🤣

*Ok so don't expect your mother to be one.

She's helping you with the childcare, it's not reasonable to expect her to do everything else.*

I'm not sure you've read my posts? The mess left is her mess.

Thanks for your input though!

She is early 50's.

I'm not expecting her to do any housework at all, just clean up after herself.

You are being unreasonable

In that case YANBU. She's not watching him properly. Is she WFH as well?

How is the dog peeing on the carpet her mess? Sounds like the dog is not fully toilet trained otherwise your mother would have known it wanted to go out and would have had time to let it out.

Had only she eaten or had your DC eaten too and left clothes on the floor?

Mmm. It's something you have to take on the chin I think; this is help, but unpaid help does not have to meet your standards.

The dog thing however, that's something your mother does need to address. It's her particular responsibility

Id be annoyed at her tbh but can you really afford to tell her and risk her not helping you out at all?
Try and remind yourself that you couldn't be doing what you're doing without her at the moment.

Good grief...some of these replies.
I'm a grandmother and I've done the helping out at times.
My daughter's house has never looked like a shit hole at the end of the day I can't walk her boisterous dog but I let him out all the time and my grandchildren were never late for school. Its not rocket science.

Does your child start school at 820? If so she is BU about that as that's the whole purpose of her helping surely?

Is she WFH? Have you told her how many times and the signs for letting the dog out?

The crumbs on the side I would probably let slide but she shouldn't be leaving your house messy if it's her stuff not your child's.

Have you told your mum how often she needs to let the dog out to go toilet? She can't be expected to know exactly when the dog needs to go toilet unless it is making it very clear- and the dog needs to learn to go toilet when it's let out, not just when it feels like it.

She's doing you a favour so I think you have to suck up the little bit of mess - but she needs to make sure ds is at school on time. What is the problem that is preventing that from happening?

Yes, his school starts at 8:20.

No she doesn't WFH or work in any capacity.