To expect my mum to "do better"

[jswawsn]

I feel awful even saying it and accept that I probably am BU.

I am doing a course that requires placement blocks of 4-6 weeks. My mum offered to help out with childcare of DS who is in year 1. She is staying with me. I also have a 1 year old cocker spaniel that we somewhat share.

She came yesterday morning. Since then, the dog has pissed five times, on my carpet and rug. He's not had an accident in months, it's because he's not being let out quickly enough.

The house was a mess when I got in yesterday, dishes on the side, crumbs all the sofa and floor. Clothes and rubbish on the floor.

DS has to get to school for 8:20, he's been late both times. Today she dropped him off at 8:45.

AIBU to be getting silently annoyed by this?

The simple answer if you’re not happy with it - and you’re not - is to make other arrangements. You’re mum is doing you a favour, for free, so no, you can’t ask her to ‘do better’. But if you pay someone on a professional basis, then you can ask them to do things however you want.

She could clean up her own mess (but not generally clean your house)

She needs to get DGS to school on time

These are the 2 things I'd ask for, the rest I would suck up.

Yes it's a favour but FGS it's her mum, these are 2 very basic things. It can be worded without being combative.

All she is being asked to do is school drop off on time and let the dog out for a wee regularly. I don’t think this is a big ask. What sort of mess is she making? Cups and plates left out?

I thought I'd posted a reply but can't find it now.

Is your mum generally disorganised and untidy, OP? I certainly am. MN seems to think it's a moral failing but it's just the way some people are.

She's doing you a favour. Getting your son to school on time isn't negotiable, and the dog needs to wee outside. Otherwise, the rest doesn't matter. I always managed to get the children to school on time, even though I am chronically disorganised and late and focus on the wrong things. School on time is important, so she needs to make sure that happens.

You might be giving her too many things to think about (nothing to do with age: I've been like this since I was a small child. If anything, age has improved me slightly as I'm now more conscious of being the way I am). If someone like me has a ton of stuff to do, it gets mentally filed as 'ton of stuff to do', and then you focus on something totally unimportant like trying to get a small mark out of a jumper.

If you let everything go apart from 'school on time' and 'dog to wee outside', you might do better. She might need to set an alarm every X minutes/ hours for the dog, though there's then the problem that she might ignore the alarm because she'll have too many alarms going off and will stop noticing them...

Of course she can be asked to sort herself out!

I do and have always helped out

I do it properly!

And I do it for my family