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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go out for Christmas dinner?

83 replies

Waffle19 · 16/10/2023 22:59

Sorry, another Christmas thread in October!

It’s mine and DH’s ‘turn’ to see the in laws this Christmas and they’ve decided to go out for Christmas dinner. Can completely understand why and I think good for them! But if we go with them it’s going to cost in excess of £200, which is half our month’s food budget on one meal.

We also have a toddler and a v young baby so it won’t exactly be relaxing, toddler will not sit still for a meal which is several courses.

Would we be unreasonable to eat dinner at home and then meet up with the in laws later?

DH doesn’t seem fussed either way but I don’t want to offend his family.

OP posts:
Coldinscotland · 16/10/2023 23:03

Sounds like the perfect excuse to let your dc have a great Christmas at home. Ils will be out driving anyway so can call in after lunch..

TheShellBeach · 16/10/2023 23:05

I can't think of anything worse than sitting in a restaurant having a long meal, in several courses, accompanied by a baby and a toddler.

Original poster
Waffle19 · 16/10/2023 23:06

@Coldinscotland That’s what we’re thinking, it will be more enjoyable for DC at home for sure (and me, but I don’t want them thinking it’s because of me).

OP posts:
ColouringPencils · 16/10/2023 23:07

Invite them to yours?

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 16/10/2023 23:08

Gosh no, absolutely don't go out.
Stay at home and do dinner that suits you.

Tortugaa · 16/10/2023 23:08

Yanbu the baby will probably be fine, the toddler will be an absolute nightmare. Even if they’re usually fine because it’s Christmas they are guaranteed to be overstimulated and have a meltdown!

Fionaville · 16/10/2023 23:12

No way. Have a Christmas day at home!

Coldinscotland · 16/10/2023 23:13

Why not? You need to speak up for your dc to have a great day! 2 small dc being kept quiet at a table isn't going to be fun for any of you. Or the other diners! Maybe the ils will secretly be relieved! Offer to host cheese and crackers!. Remember Christmas is about dc not pacifying grown up gps!

LocalHobo · 16/10/2023 23:22

I'm sure if they are inviting you- and in that situation have previously hosted at their home- they will not be expecting you to contribute financially.
If you wouldn't be comfortable in a restaurant environment I would decline, Christmas should be enjoyable for everyone.

Screamingabdabz · 16/10/2023 23:29

I say this kindly but as someone who goes out for Christmas dinner, don’t ruin everyone else’s day by taking a baby and a possibly fractious bored toddler out to the restaurant. Your children will be happier at home too. I’m sure your in-laws will understand if they’re reasonable people. It’s a no-brainer imo. YANBU.

Thisismeyeah · 16/10/2023 23:29

With a 2.5 year old myself I think of anything more stressful than going out. Stay home and invite them to come for lunch. If you are not up for cooking a big meal just tell them that. Its upto them if they choose to come. You can still do the fancy table settings but have a more basic menu.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/10/2023 23:31

Coldinscotland · 16/10/2023 23:13

Why not? You need to speak up for your dc to have a great day! 2 small dc being kept quiet at a table isn't going to be fun for any of you. Or the other diners! Maybe the ils will secretly be relieved! Offer to host cheese and crackers!. Remember Christmas is about dc not pacifying grown up gps!

All of this!

UpaladderwatchingTV · 16/10/2023 23:36

I think I would just say 'When the children are older we'd love to do that, but I'm afraid we really wouldn't enjoy such a treat, as we'd be constantly on edge about keeping the children amused. However, we'd love to see you, so why not pop round when you've finished at the restaurant?' Hardly a difficult conversation, and if they're the sort to get put out about it, it makes even more sense to decline, as they'd probably get pissed off if you went along under duress, and then the kids did spoil it.

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 16/10/2023 23:39

I would definitely not have enjoyed taking a toddler DC and a baby out for Christmas Day lunch. All of our DC have eaten out regularly from a young age but Christmas is busy and exhausting for parents and that’s before you add an over excited toddler who’s been up pre dawn and had 1/2 a chocolate Santa for breakfast!

Enjoy your day at home and offer cheese, crackers and a bottle for a visit early evening.

UsingChangeofName · 17/10/2023 00:00

TheShellBeach · 16/10/2023 23:05

I can't think of anything worse than sitting in a restaurant having a long meal, in several courses, accompanied by a baby and a toddler.

This.

Both for yourselves, as parents, and for the other people in the restaurant who have paid a lot of money to be there.

Lavenderandbrown · 17/10/2023 00:15

have PIL forgotten what a restaurant meal is like with little dc? It will be so stressful for you…dressing everyone up and trying to make merry with 2 little ones
and eat??Invite your IL for wine and cheese course prior or dessert and coffee/champagne after. It will give them a destination in addition to the dinner out. Or some breakfast with morning mimosas. Hopefully they will see the logic in this plan and not be offended but do not allow their plans to make your dc miserable on Christmas.

Millybob · 17/10/2023 00:23

All the above, but unless you're going somewhere super-wonderful - which is likely to cost rather more than £200 - a restaurant Christmas menu will be stingy portions of mediocre food and more like an office outing than a Christmas dinner.
Plus it's always good to make sure that 'turns' aren't set in stone.

MrsDrudge · 17/10/2023 00:29

I’d decline the restaurant lunch, it will be stressful for you and not enjoyable for DCs as well as expensive.
You could maybe offer to serve pre dinner drinks/canapés at your house before the meal - ILs
will need to get to the restaurant so time spent with you is controlled.
After dinner cheeseboard etc is another option but may lead to a long night!
Have a great time with your family whatever you decide

GreenClock · 17/10/2023 00:33

Terrible idea. Politely decline.

It’s not a bad idea to break the “turns” thing anyway. You don’t want to be committed to that for the next two or three decades!

Iwantmyoldnameback · 17/10/2023 02:15

LocalHobo · 16/10/2023 23:22

I'm sure if they are inviting you- and in that situation have previously hosted at their home- they will not be expecting you to contribute financially.
If you wouldn't be comfortable in a restaurant environment I would decline, Christmas should be enjoyable for everyone.

This exactly.

Original poster
Waffle19 · 17/10/2023 03:41

Thank you everyone, you’ve confirmed what I already thought. The point about standing up for DC is definitely true. Didn’t think about other diners either 🙈 But that’s a really good point.

OP posts:
DilemmaDelilah · 17/10/2023 08:18

I quite understand about the cost issue, and only you will know whether your children would enjoy it or be able to cope with needing to behave well for that amount of time.

I know my own children would have loved the experience and would have behaved impeccably, but they rarely, if ever, went to a restaurant as we were too poor, and they always behaved impeccably when we were out (not so at home - in case anyone thinks I am deluded!) I do think that was because of the rarity of the occasions though!

FannyFifer · 17/10/2023 11:40

You won't get this time back with the wee ones, have a lovely Christmas at home with your family, I would hate to go out on Christmas Day.

Monkeymonkeymoo · 17/10/2023 11:48

I’d say that it’s totally fine to explain to them that with 2 small children meals out in nice restaurants don’t really work (I can’t think of many things that would be more stressful than trying to keep my 18month old quiet and still whilst everyone else ate their meal).
If you’re in a position to then you could offer to host, or suggest they come round before or after the meal to see you and open presents.
I think sometimes it’s easy to forget what toddlers are like and what it’s reasonable for them to do (my MIL is insistent that none of her children ever had a tantrum- my husband can remember throwing multiple tantrums so this is definitely not an accurate recollection!)

Khvdrt · 17/10/2023 11:55

Tell them you can’t afford it and your DC will be a handful. Mine don’t really sit down for Christmas lunch at home because they’re excited and want to play with their toys which is fine at home but in a restaurant would be a nightmare and it won’t be a quick meal