Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go out for Christmas dinner?

83 replies

Waffle19 · 16/10/2023 22:59

Sorry, another Christmas thread in October!

It’s mine and DH’s ‘turn’ to see the in laws this Christmas and they’ve decided to go out for Christmas dinner. Can completely understand why and I think good for them! But if we go with them it’s going to cost in excess of £200, which is half our month’s food budget on one meal.

We also have a toddler and a v young baby so it won’t exactly be relaxing, toddler will not sit still for a meal which is several courses.

Would we be unreasonable to eat dinner at home and then meet up with the in laws later?

DH doesn’t seem fussed either way but I don’t want to offend his family.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 17/10/2023 11:58

Honestly, you'd think the ILs hadn't had children.
Nobody could possibly think that this would be a pleasant, relaxing day for you.

purplecorkheart · 17/10/2023 12:00

I would stay no and have a lovely day at home. Put the focus on how you would love to come but it would not be fair on the toddler, the other guests and the staff to have an over excited toddler trying to get up and down etc.

justplodding · 17/10/2023 12:04

We done this for years, going from one set of parents to another with 2 small children in tow.

Honestly it was awful and whilst i love my family and are very close to them it was just a nightmare getting the kids up and ready and tearing them away from their newly opened presents.

When DC3 was born i said im doing xmas dinner at mine and all is welcome but im not leaving my house.

We have 20 that comes to ours on xmas day and honesty i look forward to it all year, i just love it, its chaotic but relaxed, loads of food and drinks on offer and we just have an all round fabulous day.

I think xmas day should;d suit you and your family whatever that may be and as soon as you start having the day ou want you will love it.

SacAMain · 17/10/2023 12:10

Unless you end up in one of these family pubs with a soft play inside/ and playground outside, where the food tend not to be that amazing to say the least, forcing a toddler to wait patiently while the family is having a long leisurely Christmas lunch is never going to happen.

limitedperiodonly · 17/10/2023 12:22

Your husband knows his family and says your plan will be okay, so do that instead of asking a bunch of other people who don't know them.

girlfriend44 · 17/10/2023 14:41

I wouldn't go out for Xmas lunch it's a rip off and nowhere as nice as you can cook at home. Plus it's not relaxing sat round the table all that time.

Original poster
Waffle19 · 17/10/2023 16:50

@limitedperiodonly Husband is fine with it, but not sure his family will be. But I get your point, we need to do what’s best for us.

OP posts:
Silvers11 · 17/10/2023 17:18

Iwantmyoldnameback · 17/10/2023 02:15

This exactly.

Show quote history

And another one here who agrees that it almost certainly means that the ILs will pay. BUT - other reasons for not going are good ones, and they could come and visit you after or before they eat ( depending what time they have booked a table for)

limitedperiodonly · 17/10/2023 18:15

Waffle19 · 17/10/2023 16:50

@limitedperiodonly Husband is fine with it, but not sure his family will be. But I get your point, we need to do what’s best for us.

All you need to care about is each other and your husband sounds like a good one. If they don't like it they'll get over it. Don't worry x

OhYeahOhYeah · 17/10/2023 18:59

Waffle19 · 16/10/2023 22:59

Sorry, another Christmas thread in October!

It’s mine and DH’s ‘turn’ to see the in laws this Christmas and they’ve decided to go out for Christmas dinner. Can completely understand why and I think good for them! But if we go with them it’s going to cost in excess of £200, which is half our month’s food budget on one meal.

We also have a toddler and a v young baby so it won’t exactly be relaxing, toddler will not sit still for a meal which is several courses.

Would we be unreasonable to eat dinner at home and then meet up with the in laws later?

DH doesn’t seem fussed either way but I don’t want to offend his family.

Not unreasonable at all. Sounds like their preferred meal, but would be rude to assume you’d want to go.
I can’t imagine anything I’d enjoy LESS than a meal out on Christmas Day (couple that with the Outlaws and that equals grimsville for me lol)

I say, you do you!

SecondUsername4me · 17/10/2023 19:01

Waffle19 · 17/10/2023 16:50

@limitedperiodonly Husband is fine with it, but not sure his family will be. But I get your point, we need to do what’s best for us.

Now that you have a young family, just tell them you plan on stretching the rotation out:- dh parents one year, your parents one year, stay at home one year. Repeat.

OhYeahOhYeah · 17/10/2023 19:05

If hubby is on board, then you’re winning. His family, he tells them what you are doing.

just enjoy planning you’re own little Christmas Day xx

XiCi · 17/10/2023 19:06

Have you spoken to them about it? It may be that that just don't feel up to hosting any more. If that's the case, as pp has said, it may be that they are fully expecting to foot the bill. Could you just offer to host them at yours instead?

Teddleshon · 17/10/2023 19:09

Eating out for Christmas Day is insanely expensive and very poor value for money imo.

thecatsthecats · 17/10/2023 19:09

DilemmaDelilah · 17/10/2023 08:18

I quite understand about the cost issue, and only you will know whether your children would enjoy it or be able to cope with needing to behave well for that amount of time.

I know my own children would have loved the experience and would have behaved impeccably, but they rarely, if ever, went to a restaurant as we were too poor, and they always behaved impeccably when we were out (not so at home - in case anyone thinks I am deluded!) I do think that was because of the rarity of the occasions though!

Do you really mean that on Christmas Day a baby and a toddler would have "loved the experience" of a restaurant?

Because"behaving impeccably" doesn't exactly sound jolly, even if it's useful that they do so when the occasion demands it. Behaving impeccably actually doesn't feature in any of my happiest memories!

Noodles1234 · 17/10/2023 19:21

That’s tricky in a restaurant with two little ones, I get you. I wonder if the in-laws cannot cope cooking a family Christmas meal anymore so are opting to go out instead? We have already opted for this (can’t really afford it, but having be everyone over costs the same), and our house is too small for everyone now.

Kerri44 · 17/10/2023 19:38

I've a 6yr old and 18mth old.... Christmas dinner out with them would be last thing I'd put myself, them and others through!

Kitkat1523 · 17/10/2023 19:43

We did this one year when my 3 were small….MIL, PIL, 3 SILs and partners and 9 nieces and nephews all went out ….we just went round to PIL home around 3pm when they were back ….it was no big deal to any of us

sekift · 17/10/2023 19:54

If they were offering to pay I would consider it, but to go through the pain of eating out with pre schoolers AND pay over the odds for the privilege, no thanks.

gamerchick · 17/10/2023 19:57

Nah man, there's nothing like Christmas at home imo. Do the plan, tell them you'll come over later and have dinner at home.

Chazzasaurus · 17/10/2023 20:30

What are the chances that your in-laws have booked a meal out to have a peaceful meal without the children? They may have done it intentionally, which is absolutely fine because it would appear that it suits all parties for them to go out and for you to stay in with the kids, so a win-win :)

Mememe9898 · 17/10/2023 20:34

Waffle19 · 17/10/2023 16:50

@limitedperiodonly Husband is fine with it, but not sure his family will be. But I get your point, we need to do what’s best for us.

If they are reasonable people I’m sure they’ll understand. My kids are 3 and 5 and I’d never waste £200 on a meal with them. We do eat out but most of the time we just want to go in and out as quickly as possible.
Anyone who’s had a toddler and baby will know this is just not an ideal situation as you’ll be stressed and distracted trying to keep them from running around 😅

Jl2014 · 17/10/2023 21:09

Your in laws idea sounds more like a Christmas for adults, not children. A multi course meal for little tots on Christmas Day is rubbish. Have your day at home, let the toddler play with toys and see your ILs later on.

2chocolateoranges · 17/10/2023 21:16

Dh’s family used to go out for a Christmas lunch, I hated it, over priced, over crowded and waste of money. I put a stop to it when children were charged £25 for a dinner they wouldn’t eat.

dd works in hospitality which is mostly ok apart from Christmas Day, her company are greedy , greedy men, worked from 11 am until 9pm last year on Christmas Day. Bloody ridiculous! No need for them to be open so late.

Kwasi · 17/10/2023 21:29

It’s never unreasonable to not want to spend half a month’s food budget on one meal!

Swipe left for the next trending thread