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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go out for Christmas dinner?

83 replies

Waffle19 · 16/10/2023 22:59

Sorry, another Christmas thread in October!

It’s mine and DH’s ‘turn’ to see the in laws this Christmas and they’ve decided to go out for Christmas dinner. Can completely understand why and I think good for them! But if we go with them it’s going to cost in excess of £200, which is half our month’s food budget on one meal.

We also have a toddler and a v young baby so it won’t exactly be relaxing, toddler will not sit still for a meal which is several courses.

Would we be unreasonable to eat dinner at home and then meet up with the in laws later?

DH doesn’t seem fussed either way but I don’t want to offend his family.

OP posts:
topnoddy · 17/10/2023 22:06

Waffle19 · 17/10/2023 16:50

@limitedperiodonly Husband is fine with it, but not sure his family will be. But I get your point, we need to do what’s best for us.

They have decided to do this , you have decided not to join them .
Did they discuss it with you before hand ?

AtTheStream · 17/10/2023 22:51

100% NO on this I would never last through a multiple course dinner with a toddler and baby, no fun for anyone. After I had DC I took a deep breath and told all the family our Christmas would be at home from now on but everyone is invited to come over, whenever they choose. Nobody minded, it completely took the pressure off and its actually lovely, DC love everyone popping in and we get to stay in our PJs 👌

MasterBeth · 17/10/2023 22:55

Chazzasaurus · 17/10/2023 20:30

What are the chances that your in-laws have booked a meal out to have a peaceful meal without the children? They may have done it intentionally, which is absolutely fine because it would appear that it suits all parties for them to go out and for you to stay in with the kids, so a win-win :)

Yes, this.

billy1966 · 17/10/2023 22:58

Not a chance wouldI subject myself and my children to it.

I can't imagine anything worse.

Don't check if its ok with them.

TELL them its not.

Stressedoutmammy · 18/10/2023 07:12

Christmas is all about the kids in my opinion, I would never drag them away from all their gifts to spend hours in a restaurant on Christmas Day. I think eating dinner out is lovely for adults if you can afford it but my little ones would hate it and your in laws should understand your reasoning.

Bearcub101 · 18/10/2023 07:25

I’m the nicest way- Please don’t take a toddler out for Christmas dinner. They will be over excited and unlikely to sit down. Not pleasant for other diners who’ve mortgaged their house for the meal!

RoyalImpatience · 18/10/2023 07:26

I always love the idea of eating out for Xmas and enjoyed it the one time we did it but.... I always think of the incredible food we could have got with the money.

Do your own thing. Your dh isn't bothered so seize on that.

LlynTegid · 18/10/2023 07:27

The young children are a good excuse you can use.

Decline now don't leave it until December.

BeeDavis · 18/10/2023 08:02

You could not pay me to eat my Christmas dinner anywhere but in my own home or a family members home 🥴

Imisssleep2 · 18/10/2023 09:01

I think that's perfectly fine, it is expensive to go out for Xmas day

Saz91x · 18/10/2023 09:52

We ate out every Christmas Day for years. With babies and toddlers. 3 of them. They where always fine! Toys to play with at the table, plenty of people entertaining them. It was always enjoyable. Would nip outside for 5 mins between courses to let them run off some steam. Never any issues.
In all honestly though I preferred to not go out because of the faff of getting everybody up and out. Much rather stay at home or families where they can be wild if they wish haha

Coffeeismyfriend1 · 18/10/2023 11:17

I’m guessing the soundtrack to the lunch from toddler will be ‘mummy when can I go home and play with my presents?’ Kids just want to play with their new toys!

We refuse to go anywhere now we have kids, you want to see them then come here but I’m not dragging the kids out of their environment (plus lugging all their presents 120 miles away to GP houses) to satisfy adults. Plus DH usually works Boxing Day so I’m not driving back on Christmas Day night.

Mamatolittlemonsters · 18/10/2023 11:22

reading these comments has now put me off for Christmas Day 😂

my mum has moved 2 hours away and for Christmas is treating us all to Christmas dinner out this year. Including my 2 and 5 year old 🙈

it’s a very expensive meal but luckily the place we’ve booked are letting DC share a plate of food because of their age

Them coming to ours isn’t an option as my oven isn’t big enough to cook for 8 people and this is a treat (my mums already said she won’t be able to pay for this every year)

im partly looking forward to it because I won’t have to cook a dinner (yes I know I don’t have too cook but sitting down for Christmas dinner is a fond childhood memory) but I’ve ordered colouring books and I’ll put things on the iPads for the kids so hopefully they’ll sit nice 🤣

In4Ti33y · 18/10/2023 11:32

When they asked you to go with them did they offer to pay? If not it may be a hint they want to spend christmas day on their own - just a thought, anyhow Just say how it is, you cant afford it and the kids won't be settled and you dont want to risk spoiling it for other people in the restaurant. Any reasonable parent would be understanding

Graciebobcat · 18/10/2023 11:56

Cost wise it doesn't sound like it would be different from hosting yourself.

However I wouldn't want to go out for the dinner either with a toddler and baby.

Clementine2377 · 18/10/2023 12:25

Wow OP I could’ve written this. My in laws have booked for the whole family to go for Xmas dinner at a restaurant nearby and it’s £70 per head, £27 for kids (DC are 2 and 5) it’ll be £200 for all four of us and that’s a huge amount for us at the moment. I’m planning on telling them no this week but I know they’ll be annoyed and try get us to go still. DH doesn’t want to go either but would rather not rock the boat.

Coldinscotland · 18/10/2023 12:30

I cook for 10 with bog standard hob and oven.... Never leave home on Christmas day..

TammyJones · 18/10/2023 12:34

OhYeahOhYeah · 17/10/2023 19:05

If hubby is on board, then you’re winning. His family, he tells them what you are doing.

just enjoy planning you’re own little Christmas Day xx

THIS
Now the Kid's are adults we stay at home but anyone's welcome.

Frasers · 18/10/2023 12:41

Bearcub101 · 18/10/2023 07:25

I’m the nicest way- Please don’t take a toddler out for Christmas dinner. They will be over excited and unlikely to sit down. Not pleasant for other diners who’ve mortgaged their house for the meal!

Op if they offer to pay and you consider going, don’t pay attention to this sort of post. Nearly all places are full of kids on Xmas, it really isn’t an adults only thing. And only you know if you all can control your kids and if they will sit for the meal.

BasiliskStare · 18/10/2023 13:43

DH & I once went out for Christmas lunch - we were taking DFIL who would be on his own otherwise but DS was a teenager. We found a restaurant well a sort of lovely gastro pub with a very nice eating area ( near to DFIL - he did not want to travel ) but we had no little children . It was quite nice but we did not do it again. DFIL came to our house once more but then just said he wasn't bothered and he would not travel. DSIL also invited him one . Neither DH nor his siblings thought he was bothered and his kitchen was not a place you would want to cook - so we left him to it . He lives a 200m round trip away ) This might sound unkind but we tried and tried . He was widowed ( widowered ? ) (he lost interest - so we sent him a hamper and he watched cowboy films on the day. ) Honestly I think he didn't want to do it.

Not quite the same because we paid - but the point is - is everyone going to enjoy it. If it ends up with a big bill which is going make people anxious I think you are allowed to say no.

If you live close by I think having dinner at home at meeting up later ( if DPILs are not paying ) would be a very reasonable compromise

I hope you get it sorted out @Waffle19 & have a Happy Christmas

Daffodilsandtuplips · 18/10/2023 14:43

Sounds perfectly good to me.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/10/2023 15:45

YANBU. Christmas dinner out is nearly always a rip off and in any case never as nice as dinner cooked at home. (Assuming it’s a reasonably competent cook doing it.)

And with a baby and a toddler, TBH I wouldn’t even consider it. The average toddler hates having to sit at the table after they’ve eaten - they want to be running around or playing with new toys. Have dinner at home (raid M&S ready made if poss) and see the family on Boxing Day.

AmandasFleckerl · 18/10/2023 17:17

The last thing I would do is go out for Christmas to a restaurant. Everyone gets up in arms about retail staff having to go in on Boxing Day but will happily go out for Christmas Day dinner. I personally wouldn’t facilitate someone who doesn’t really need to go to work having to wait on me or my family for essentially an over priced roast dinner.

kaysee01 · 18/10/2023 19:32

I have declined to go out for Christmas day lunch with the children before, and again this year.

Having done it prior to having children I've found it's generally a long drawn out affair and food on that scale is never that great even when paying £100's.

Mine will be 12 and 10 this year so are more than capable of sucking it up and behaving appropriately but it just doesn't feel right to take them away from the gifts they've only just opened and we like to make the most of family time together at home. Christmases with the small people are few and precious, do what's best for you.

We have hosted everyone else to make up for not wanting to go out, and also welcomed them to join us after lunch.

limitedperiodonly · 18/10/2023 19:49

I don't understand how hard it can be to say: "That sounds nice but we're not going to be able to join you so have a lovely time and give us a call to wish us Merry Christmas on the day."

It's not that stupid Mumsnet thing of "no is complete sentence" but just saying that doesn't suit us/we can't afford it/our small children would hate it and I don't want to spend the day wrangling them/we want to have a drink and not drive.

The in law who is planning this may have no idea you don't want to do it. I had a family member who was an absolute angel and who thought going out to a restaurant for Xmas lunch was heaven but for me it was hell because I want to shuffle around in my dressing gown.

So I said it was kind of her to invite us but we couldn't make it. She didn't care and wasn't forcing us. She invited us so we wouldn't feel left out. The quicker we told her the easier it made it for her to plan the numbers.

Just say it.

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