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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - BF offered to pay and I let him.

121 replies

roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:08

BF & I decided to grab popcorn, two share bags of sweets (worth about £7 altogether), and alcohol in the shop last night. BF bought a bottle of Vodka and I picked up a bottle of wine for £10.

We queue to pay, I’m standing behind BF with the sweets and wine, and someone BF knows is standing behind me and they end up making small talk. BF gets called to pay, and tells me to put everything up except the wine as he’s not paying for it (in front of the cashier). I felt a bit awkward for the cashier so I tell him that it’s fine and I’ll pay for everything and go back to queue, but he tells me again to put them up, so I did (without the wine) and go back to the queue! BF’s “friend” is still behind us waiting to be served and can obviously see what’s going on. BF then tells me to just stick the wine up, and I did!

We get out of the shop and straight away BF starts complaining that I gave in too easily by letting him pay and he only said it because of the man he knew behind me. Bearing in mind, it took a total of three times for me to pop everything up on the counter!

He said he expected me to not give in so easily and only said to put my things up because of the man behind us. For context, I always pay for my own things and BF acknowledges this frequently & does admit that I do pay for more at times. I explained to him I did relent initially but felt like a yo-yo going up and down in the queue and he said fair enough but “that’s all I’m getting”.

AIBU for letting BF pay? Just to clarify he’s not struggling financially. I felt annoyed because I got the bus out to meet him (to save fuel costs) and so we could meet “quicker” (his excuse). I don’t know if I’m overreacting but it kind of spoiled my night and I didn’t even drink the wine!

OP posts:
Sigmama · 16/10/2023 21:09

He sounds like a tosser

kopitiamgal · 16/10/2023 21:10

Why did your BF not pay THEN talk to his friend?
What an idiot.
You did not make him pay for anything, he chose to do so by yammering instead of settling his bill first.

LittleBearPad · 16/10/2023 21:11

He sounds like a keeper…

Original poster
roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:13

We were all in a row queued up to pay, both men towering over me and made small talk as we waited to be served! The “friend” asked BF was he watching the IRL / All Blacks and BF said I’d no interest in sport so we more than likely wouldn’t, but I was quick to pipe up and say I’d only love to be sat in a pub watching it for the atmosphere and it’s BF with no interest in any sports. It was all in all a very, very, awkward encounter and I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

OP posts:
Thedm · 16/10/2023 21:13

When it was his turn with his stuff, did you walk forward with him? Or did you stand back and wait for your turn, then be called you up?
If you just walked forward with him then it shows that you assumed you’d pay for it all together, and he wasn’t comfortable with that so told you he wouldn’t pay for the wine, then he got embarrassed coz the friend saw.
If you stayed in the queue waiting for your then and he called you up, then he set himself up for the situation.

TenThousandSpoons · 16/10/2023 21:13

Ugh. He sounds

  1. mean
  2. rude
  3. controlling
  4. stingy
LTB
Hankunamatata · 16/10/2023 21:14

If he was that bothers he could have asked you to transfer him the £10. Is he usually tight?

soddingspiderseason · 16/10/2023 21:14

He offered, you accepted. You're not a mind reader! He doesn't sound like much of a catch to be honest. He sounds a bit mean, in both senses of the word.

Millybob · 16/10/2023 21:15

He's a tight-fisted tosser who wants to look the big man in front of his friend.

GrumpyInsomniac · 16/10/2023 21:15

So he didn’t want to look cheap in front of his friend, but then blames you for not reading his mind, despite his faffing at the till, and instead just doing what he said when he couldn’t be arsed to communicate clearly?

This doesn’t sound like it’s a very long standing relationship and I’d probably not let it become one.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 16/10/2023 21:16

He sounds like a right catch.

Original poster
roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:16

I stood back and waited to be served as we were queueing seperately and I was stood behind him. He ushered me up to the till, told me to put the everything down but tapped the wine bottle and said “except that”. I insisted that it was fine, and I’d pay for everything altogether (stood back into the queue) but he said to put them up so I did (except the wine). I then went back to the queue, and he said to put the wine up! So I did. As said, I felt like a complete yo-to with the up and down in the queue.

OP posts:
Whattodo112222 · 16/10/2023 21:17

All sounds very juvenile.

Namechange285 · 16/10/2023 21:17

Millybob · 16/10/2023 21:15

He's a tight-fisted tosser who wants to look the big man in front of his friend.

Yup, this!

FitAt50 · 16/10/2023 21:18

Sorry, what's does "put them up" and "stick the up mean"?

Original poster
roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:18

Put/stuck them up onto the counter for the cashier basically!

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 16/10/2023 21:19

FitAt50 · 16/10/2023 21:18

Sorry, what's does "put them up" and "stick the up mean"?

Put them on the counter I assume

DaftQuestionForToday · 16/10/2023 21:22

@roofusdoofus

dump the twat.

Tiredmum100 · 16/10/2023 21:22

Why are you with someone who's such a tight arse. I'd be very turned off by his behaviour 🙄

XiCi · 16/10/2023 21:24

Just get rid
He sounds fucking awful

theduchessofspork · 16/10/2023 21:24

Keep the wine

Dump the boyfriend

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 16/10/2023 21:25

Get rid of him. Tightness / stinginess and having a strong sense of ‘what’s mine is mine’ in a relationship is hugely unattractive. Down the line, he’ll be tight about sharing bills and childcare costs / you spending money on yourself - it all starts with signs like this.

Life’s too short to be arguing over a £10 bottle of wine with a partner who doesn’t mind buying a bottle of vodka for himself. He knows that he would’ve look tight-fisted in front of his mate and a shopkeeper, so tried to pretend he wasn’t a stingy dickhead. But he is.

theworldsgonefeckingmad · 16/10/2023 21:28

He sounds like my ex...

Naunet · 16/10/2023 21:29

He cares more about impressing some guy than you.
He’s not the man for you.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 16/10/2023 21:32

He's a tosser. I doubt his friend would have thought anything of it if BF hadn't acted that way and drawn attention to it. This is him showing you that it's always going to be you who bares the greater portion of costs in this relationship, at best it'll be 50/50. He won't cover your share even though you cover his at times and he will blame you if through his own actions he ends up paying. He's showing you who he is.

He is the kind of man that you never want to be financially vulnerable with. If you want and have children one day or you get sick or become disabled he will make you live off your maternity/sickness pay and still expect you to pay 50/50 even if they leaves you with nothing.