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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - BF offered to pay and I let him.

121 replies

roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:08

BF & I decided to grab popcorn, two share bags of sweets (worth about £7 altogether), and alcohol in the shop last night. BF bought a bottle of Vodka and I picked up a bottle of wine for £10.

We queue to pay, I’m standing behind BF with the sweets and wine, and someone BF knows is standing behind me and they end up making small talk. BF gets called to pay, and tells me to put everything up except the wine as he’s not paying for it (in front of the cashier). I felt a bit awkward for the cashier so I tell him that it’s fine and I’ll pay for everything and go back to queue, but he tells me again to put them up, so I did (without the wine) and go back to the queue! BF’s “friend” is still behind us waiting to be served and can obviously see what’s going on. BF then tells me to just stick the wine up, and I did!

We get out of the shop and straight away BF starts complaining that I gave in too easily by letting him pay and he only said it because of the man he knew behind me. Bearing in mind, it took a total of three times for me to pop everything up on the counter!

He said he expected me to not give in so easily and only said to put my things up because of the man behind us. For context, I always pay for my own things and BF acknowledges this frequently & does admit that I do pay for more at times. I explained to him I did relent initially but felt like a yo-yo going up and down in the queue and he said fair enough but “that’s all I’m getting”.

AIBU for letting BF pay? Just to clarify he’s not struggling financially. I felt annoyed because I got the bus out to meet him (to save fuel costs) and so we could meet “quicker” (his excuse). I don’t know if I’m overreacting but it kind of spoiled my night and I didn’t even drink the wine!

OP posts:
Original poster
roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:34

The thing is, it’s more of an acquaintance than friend. BF initiated the small talk but it was genuinely like pulling teeth. When I asked BF who he was after we left the shop, he just said he was “someone from around”!

OP posts:
Notsuretoputit · 16/10/2023 21:36

He’s an absolute wanker. Who begrudges their girlfriend a £10 bottle of wine?

Notsuretoputit · 16/10/2023 21:37

roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:34

The thing is, it’s more of an acquaintance than friend. BF initiated the small talk but it was genuinely like pulling teeth. When I asked BF who he was after we left the shop, he just said he was “someone from around”!

You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. At all.

Ragwort · 16/10/2023 21:37

Are you students? I couldn't be with someone like that ... what does he add to your life? Leave the bottle of wine with him and enjoy your own company.

ShellySarah · 16/10/2023 21:39

How long have you been together?

Applesaarenttheonlyfruit · 16/10/2023 21:41

Are you very young? I ask as this sounds like a Uni sort of set up: I buy mine, you buy yours.

Hevstill sounds a twat though

Original poster
roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:41

We’re coming up to a year on the 31st including our dating period.

Both graduated. BF’s 29 working in retail and I’m 24 working in financial services. Neither of us are struggling financially but BF is better off financially.

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 16/10/2023 21:42

Oh jeez. He sounds a tight loser.

Original poster
roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:43

When BF & I first started dating he would actually arrive with a box of chocolates and decent wine. It died down after a month and I don’t think he’s ever bought me any alcohol again since this weekend. He’s very much I buy mine, you buy yours mindset especially when it comes to alcohol. In the long run, I do benefit from this because of how expensive a bottle of vodka is (at least compared to wine) & he does fly through them and gets a new one every weekend!

OP posts:
Countryliving0180 · 16/10/2023 21:45

Yabu to still want to date the loser.

Starseeking · 16/10/2023 21:45

Have I got this right; he bought himself a bottle of vodka, and didn't want to pay for your £10 bottle of wine? Then told you he would pay for your wine only because his friend was there then got cross with you for letting him do so???

He sounds like a cheap, tight, nasty piece of work, and I wouldn't want to spend another second of my day with someone like that.

MightyFishwife · 16/10/2023 21:45

Just reading about him has given me the ick, OP. Aside from anything else, are you not just massively turned off by his behaviour? 🤢

get rid!

Spattergroit · 16/10/2023 21:47

Has he got some amazing qualities that you have forgotten to mention? On the info you've given here he sounds like the very opposite of a keeper.

Original poster
roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:47

Yes, you’ve got it perfectly right!

I have been second guessing our entire relationship since the big event (of catching the ICK!) but I wasn’t sure if I was being reasonable or unreasonable (as a result of the mind games played).

OP posts:
TheMixedGirl · 16/10/2023 21:47

Honestly, I'm cringing at this post. I understand that we are all in different financial positions however I don't understand the whole bank and forth about paying for one bottle of wine.

Even with different financial situations taking turns is fair.

I'd have paid for the whole lot.

This would totally put me off someone.

Original poster
roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:49

I think the reality here is that I’m starting to open my eyes and realise he’s not the man I first swiped right on (FFS Tinder). I think I’ve been conned a bit!

Genuinely, I can’t even articulate how much he has changed in such a short space of time for the worst but he thinks everything’s sunshine and rainbows between us.

OP posts:
BattleofBeamfleot · 16/10/2023 21:55

That's two big insecurity red flags in one three-minute encounter OP.

  1. he doesn't want to look cheap in front of the friend, so loudly insists on paying for you - only to blame and resent you for it afterwards.
  2. he doesn't want to look unmanly in front of the friend, so insists you're the fun-sponge who wouldn't let him watch the match - and he didn't like it when you corrected their understanding.

That REALLY speaks volumes about him, I'm afraid.

What else is just a front he’s putting on because he needs to look like the Big I Am to everyone else?

Cola2023 · 16/10/2023 21:57

Dump him. Bet this is tip of the iceberg.

Cherrysoup · 16/10/2023 22:00

Put him in the bin!

Milkand2sugarsplease · 16/10/2023 22:02

There's nothing you've said about him in this thread that makes him seem worth hanging on to. I'd do yourself a favour and save him the hassle of ever needing to buy you anything again and sack him off.

Original poster
roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 22:04
  1. Completely agree. The weirdest part was that the man was more an acquaintance rather a friend. He couldn’t even tell me who the “friend” was and said he knew him for around, I presume he’s just local to the village they live in & with any small rural community everyone knows everyone but no one actually knows anyone!
  2. The rugby comment really bothered me. That could’ve easily been taken as his missus doesn’t let him watch the rugby and I’d be mortified by that. I used to love the big matches out at pubs for the atmosphere, I couldn’t give a scott’s whose playing but jesus the rugby gathers a bloody great crowd!

For a brief encounter, I am completely second guessing my entire relationship. I couldn’t even imagine being out at a pub with BF for the rugby because of how anti sport he is. He is very insecure, and I was always aware of this, but this encounter really took it to a whole other level I didn’t think could exist.

OP posts:
ShellySarah · 16/10/2023 22:05

roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:41

We’re coming up to a year on the 31st including our dating period.

Both graduated. BF’s 29 working in retail and I’m 24 working in financial services. Neither of us are struggling financially but BF is better off financially.

Less than a year...get rid. Especially at your age.

Aitrop · 16/10/2023 22:06

He sounds fantastic OP. This is all perfectly normal.

BlueSky2023 · 16/10/2023 22:06

He probably thinks you showed him up in front of his friend and exposed him for lying about being interested in the rugby match,
Also he probably continued to talk to his friend in the hope that you would see that he was busy talking and pay for the goods instead, then when he saw you weren’t doing that he tried to be the big man in front of his friend by insisting to pay for everything even though he didn’t mean it.

He’s all smoke and mirrors, he wants to put on a big front but is nothing like that behind the scenes

Fionaville · 16/10/2023 22:07

It sounds like he's an absolute tight arse! And he's more concerned about what some acquaintance in the queue thinks about him, than what you think. I'd bin him off as soon as possible.