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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - BF offered to pay and I let him.

121 replies

roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:08

BF & I decided to grab popcorn, two share bags of sweets (worth about £7 altogether), and alcohol in the shop last night. BF bought a bottle of Vodka and I picked up a bottle of wine for £10.

We queue to pay, I’m standing behind BF with the sweets and wine, and someone BF knows is standing behind me and they end up making small talk. BF gets called to pay, and tells me to put everything up except the wine as he’s not paying for it (in front of the cashier). I felt a bit awkward for the cashier so I tell him that it’s fine and I’ll pay for everything and go back to queue, but he tells me again to put them up, so I did (without the wine) and go back to the queue! BF’s “friend” is still behind us waiting to be served and can obviously see what’s going on. BF then tells me to just stick the wine up, and I did!

We get out of the shop and straight away BF starts complaining that I gave in too easily by letting him pay and he only said it because of the man he knew behind me. Bearing in mind, it took a total of three times for me to pop everything up on the counter!

He said he expected me to not give in so easily and only said to put my things up because of the man behind us. For context, I always pay for my own things and BF acknowledges this frequently & does admit that I do pay for more at times. I explained to him I did relent initially but felt like a yo-yo going up and down in the queue and he said fair enough but “that’s all I’m getting”.

AIBU for letting BF pay? Just to clarify he’s not struggling financially. I felt annoyed because I got the bus out to meet him (to save fuel costs) and so we could meet “quicker” (his excuse). I don’t know if I’m overreacting but it kind of spoiled my night and I didn’t even drink the wine!

OP posts:
Applesaarenttheonlyfruit · 17/10/2023 17:15

Oh god just dump him, honestly think about yourself in 25 years tied to him and he’s only more like he is now. You’ll fucking hate him and have a whole wasted life of regret too.

At your age I’d dump someone for just irritating me. Now very happily married to a kind and nice man. Raise the bar.

determinedtomakethiswork · 18/10/2023 00:15

Millybob · 16/10/2023 21:15

He's a tight-fisted tosser who wants to look the big man in front of his friend.

Exactly this.

Gothambutnotahamster · 18/10/2023 00:35

Applesaarenttheonlyfruit · 17/10/2023 17:15

Oh god just dump him, honestly think about yourself in 25 years tied to him and he’s only more like he is now. You’ll fucking hate him and have a whole wasted life of regret too.

At your age I’d dump someone for just irritating me. Now very happily married to a kind and nice man. Raise the bar.

Couldnt agree more!

WiddlinDiddlin · 18/10/2023 06:29

Ew.

He was wanting to look like Billy Big Bollocks in front of someone else.
He absolutely intended it to look like HE wanted to watch sports and you wouldn't let him, because of course it isn't 'manly' to not like sports.

The fact he'd do this and be an arsehole to you afterwards, in order to impress someone who he doesn't know all that well and it seems, doesn't give a shit anyway... is a huuuuuuuuuge red flag, the reddest and flaggiest of them all.

Run. Throw away entire man and run!

billy1966 · 18/10/2023 12:54

Applesaarenttheonlyfruit · 17/10/2023 17:15

Oh god just dump him, honestly think about yourself in 25 years tied to him and he’s only more like he is now. You’ll fucking hate him and have a whole wasted life of regret too.

At your age I’d dump someone for just irritating me. Now very happily married to a kind and nice man. Raise the bar.

So agree with this.

Decades ago even a hint of the ick and we didn't go out with them again.

Life is too short and he is particularly icky.

A whole year wasted with him at 24....!!!

Milarky · 18/10/2023 12:57

Oh so you're still with him!

Thank goodness for that! I'd have thought you'd have read all the PPs post and binned him.

Seriously OP? Why are you still with him? He's told you who he is. LISTEN!!

alongcameboo · 18/10/2023 13:00

BattleofBeamfleot · 16/10/2023 21:55

That's two big insecurity red flags in one three-minute encounter OP.

  1. he doesn't want to look cheap in front of the friend, so loudly insists on paying for you - only to blame and resent you for it afterwards.
  2. he doesn't want to look unmanly in front of the friend, so insists you're the fun-sponge who wouldn't let him watch the match - and he didn't like it when you corrected their understanding.

That REALLY speaks volumes about him, I'm afraid.

What else is just a front he’s putting on because he needs to look like the Big I Am to everyone else?

exactly my thoughts.

SmileyClare · 18/10/2023 13:21

You do seem to be a bit blind to who this man is.

He was faking at the start- showering you in gifts etc- that was simply to get his feet under the table (so to speak)!

This is who he is- insecure, tight (he makes you catch a bus to see him because he doesn’t want to waste fuel? How lovely)

He has no respect for you or probably any women. He’ll gladly trample on you to make himself feel or look better.

He made out to his friend that you wouldn’t allow him to the pub to watch the rugby for example. It’s laughable.

Im sorry to say you’ve landed yourself with a right prick. He’ll pull out the nice guy act if there something in it for him.

Some of your examples are warning signs for emotional abuse- don’t ignore.

fearfuloffluff · 18/10/2023 13:29

You're not living your best life with this man.

And if getting a bus to have booze and sugar on a weeknight in front of the telly is the default date night, that's a bit sad! No harm in that now and then, but if it's how you always spend your time - the world is a lot bigger than that!

GoGoGo2 · 18/10/2023 13:36

Dump him. Just imagine being married and him being tight, just nope.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 18/10/2023 13:41

Don't marry this guy. His openly admitted he only paid to keep up appearances to someone he knew. They scolded you for letting him. His the type to be abusive but no one would believe it as he puts on a front. See this as a red flag to avoid having kids with this man as God help you ask him to contribute towards them.

rantinglunatic · 18/10/2023 13:44

He sounds like a total and utter tosspot

Acornsoup · 18/10/2023 13:47

Get rid OP Daffodil

user1471556818 · 18/10/2023 13:47

Hopefully he has something going for him but not a good look nor someone to build a future with sorry

Captainobvious35 · 18/10/2023 13:52

What an ick! Your twenties are for spending and exploring and enjoying - not having a man-child bitching about a tenner.

SmileyClare · 18/10/2023 19:00

roofusdoofus · 17/10/2023 16:59

So I decided to call him out on it, and apparently he was “only joking” and “happy to pay”… he must think I am delulu!

He’s gas lighting you.

Your posts have described a catalogue of poor treatment and disrespect from him.

This isn’t a time to roll your eyes and say Men eh? and laugh.

You know his behaviour isn’t right. Don’t ignore the alarm bells !

MillionDollarBill · 18/10/2023 19:05

Oh if he was so happy to pay, it will be interesting to see what he does next time.

(I think you should dump him for what it’s worth so there isn’t a next time.)

JanefromLondon1 · 18/10/2023 19:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

TimeForTeaAndG · 18/10/2023 20:09

roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:34

The thing is, it’s more of an acquaintance than friend. BF initiated the small talk but it was genuinely like pulling teeth. When I asked BF who he was after we left the shop, he just said he was “someone from around”!

"Someone from around"? My money is on drug-dealer.

Everythinggreen · 02/03/2024 20:37

What a greedy, miserable sod. That attitude would give me the ick I couldn't come back from.

SometimesIchangemyname · 02/03/2024 20:49

Ugh. Walk away. What an unimpressive person he is. Something made you post tonight OP and I suspect it’s for some confirmation that this sort of behaviour is so immature and cringeworthy that any woman would dry up in his company.
£10 well spent.

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