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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU - BF offered to pay and I let him.

121 replies

roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:08

BF & I decided to grab popcorn, two share bags of sweets (worth about £7 altogether), and alcohol in the shop last night. BF bought a bottle of Vodka and I picked up a bottle of wine for £10.

We queue to pay, I’m standing behind BF with the sweets and wine, and someone BF knows is standing behind me and they end up making small talk. BF gets called to pay, and tells me to put everything up except the wine as he’s not paying for it (in front of the cashier). I felt a bit awkward for the cashier so I tell him that it’s fine and I’ll pay for everything and go back to queue, but he tells me again to put them up, so I did (without the wine) and go back to the queue! BF’s “friend” is still behind us waiting to be served and can obviously see what’s going on. BF then tells me to just stick the wine up, and I did!

We get out of the shop and straight away BF starts complaining that I gave in too easily by letting him pay and he only said it because of the man he knew behind me. Bearing in mind, it took a total of three times for me to pop everything up on the counter!

He said he expected me to not give in so easily and only said to put my things up because of the man behind us. For context, I always pay for my own things and BF acknowledges this frequently & does admit that I do pay for more at times. I explained to him I did relent initially but felt like a yo-yo going up and down in the queue and he said fair enough but “that’s all I’m getting”.

AIBU for letting BF pay? Just to clarify he’s not struggling financially. I felt annoyed because I got the bus out to meet him (to save fuel costs) and so we could meet “quicker” (his excuse). I don’t know if I’m overreacting but it kind of spoiled my night and I didn’t even drink the wine!

OP posts:
ToadOnTheHill · 16/10/2023 22:08

Dump. Its genuinely dangerous to be with someone who wants to be perceived as a man who does the right thing in public but not publicly.

When you get pregnant and go on maternity, he will do what he needs to look like a good man and dad but wont actually be one. The world is a stage for him.

PinkMoscatoLover · 16/10/2023 22:09

He sounds like someone who’d put the divider between your shopping in Sainsbury’s. Despite the fact that all you had was chewing gum that cost 79p. He’s a cheap bastard and a weird one too

NalafromtheLionKing · 16/10/2023 22:12

Stingy, insecure enough to show you up and doesn’t care what you think. Of course you have the ick 🤢🤮

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 16/10/2023 22:12

Just get rid of him. He sounds diabolical.

SmileyClare · 16/10/2023 22:12

ToadOnTheHill · 16/10/2023 22:08

Dump. Its genuinely dangerous to be with someone who wants to be perceived as a man who does the right thing in public but not publicly.

When you get pregnant and go on maternity, he will do what he needs to look like a good man and dad but wont actually be one. The world is a stage for him.

This.

In private he’s an arsehole but falls over himself to pretend he’s a decent guy in front of others.

Where I’m from a man like him is called Pub gent House bastard.

His mask is slipping-this interaction is the start of domestic abuse.

Findyourneutralspace · 16/10/2023 22:14

He’s a tightwad who didn’t want to look like a tightwad in front of his mate. If you usually buy more he could have treated you and not complained.

Milarky · 16/10/2023 22:18

Do you ever go out together OP? Or just sit at home at the weekend, watching him get smashed on his bottle of vodka?

You're young darling. Throw that one back!

Starseeking · 16/10/2023 22:28

OP I JUST READ YOU ARE 24!!!

Apologies for shouting, but you really don't need to be putting up with this kind of nonsense at your age. Get rid and don't look back!

ilovepixie · 16/10/2023 22:31

roofusdoofus · 16/10/2023 21:16

I stood back and waited to be served as we were queueing seperately and I was stood behind him. He ushered me up to the till, told me to put the everything down but tapped the wine bottle and said “except that”. I insisted that it was fine, and I’d pay for everything altogether (stood back into the queue) but he said to put them up so I did (except the wine). I then went back to the queue, and he said to put the wine up! So I did. As said, I felt like a complete yo-to with the up and down in the queue.

Edited

Why did you go back into the queue if you were paying for everything?

HattieIou · 16/10/2023 22:32

Seriously get rid. Drinks a bottle of vodka a week and thinks its acceptable to treat his girlfriend like shit, and even worse in front of people.

Paintballmaker · 16/10/2023 22:36

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 16/10/2023 21:25

Get rid of him. Tightness / stinginess and having a strong sense of ‘what’s mine is mine’ in a relationship is hugely unattractive. Down the line, he’ll be tight about sharing bills and childcare costs / you spending money on yourself - it all starts with signs like this.

Life’s too short to be arguing over a £10 bottle of wine with a partner who doesn’t mind buying a bottle of vodka for himself. He knows that he would’ve look tight-fisted in front of his mate and a shopkeeper, so tried to pretend he wasn’t a stingy dickhead. But he is.

This 💯

Don’t waste your time with this guy.

poppitypop1 · 16/10/2023 22:38

This isn't going to get better. Do not have kids with this man.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/10/2023 22:39

Get rid, get rid, get rid.

What a twat. You either offer to pay for something or you don’t. You don’t offer in order to impress someone else and then bitch about it later to your actual girlfriend.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/10/2023 22:41

SmileyClare · 16/10/2023 22:12

This.

In private he’s an arsehole but falls over himself to pretend he’s a decent guy in front of others.

Where I’m from a man like him is called Pub gent House bastard.

His mask is slipping-this interaction is the start of domestic abuse.

Show quote history

Yes exactly. Or I’ve heard “town gent, house bastard”.

My friend used this expression about his very abusive father - this is the thin end of the wedge.

Aavalon57 · 16/10/2023 22:55

Kick him to the kerb and then drink that wine to celebrate.

NewName122 · 16/10/2023 22:57

He sounds like a shit bf.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 16/10/2023 22:59

GrumpyInsomniac · 16/10/2023 21:15

So he didn’t want to look cheap in front of his friend, but then blames you for not reading his mind, despite his faffing at the till, and instead just doing what he said when he couldn’t be arsed to communicate clearly?

This doesn’t sound like it’s a very long standing relationship and I’d probably not let it become one.

This.

Vriddle · 16/10/2023 23:01

Toss him back. What a loser.

Twofortheroad · 16/10/2023 23:16

I usually despair at all the cries of LTB over single incidences of imperfect behaviour.

I’m with the crowd on this one though. No one likes a tight arse and this has red flags all over it. You deserve better and his behaviour and attitude will only get worse as your relationship continues. Dodge that bullet and call time.

FictionalCharacter · 16/10/2023 23:18

Millybob · 16/10/2023 21:15

He's a tight-fisted tosser who wants to look the big man in front of his friend.

Yep

TheBabylonian · 16/10/2023 23:20

BF is a total prick lol

Codlingmoths · 16/10/2023 23:21

he thinks everything is sunshine and rainbows? Because he can lie about you in front of other people so he can pretend to be someone different; and play the big I Am in front of other people then get mad at you for only protesting a few times? This is not a man who makes an effort to make you look good or feel good.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 16/10/2023 23:23

So he wants to look generous, not be it? He’s a twat.

AllWeWantToDo · 16/10/2023 23:24

Nooo, throw him back . You are 24 with your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste anymore time with this man. Can you imagine living with and having children with him? He'd be sending you a bill for half of everything down to the last penny

And he's weird, I'll pay for your sweets because someone I know is watching but you can get back in the queue and pay for your own wine. Tosser

Dweetfidilove · 16/10/2023 23:25

A tight-fisted tossed - embarrassingly so, but wants to look good in front of his friend 🤣🤣🤣.

May I only ever read about his kind 😔