What does fairness look like to you in this scenario?

[JonahAndTheMinnow]

Parent 1 and parent 2 have been married for a long time and have four adult children. They’ve recently sold an asset and want to share £300k amongst their children.

All children are aged between 35 and 48.

Child A - Eldest child. Married with grown-up children who live independently. Mortgage cleared recently. Household income isn’t very high and they don’t have much of a pension pot so will likely rely on state pension and likely work to full retirement age.

Child B - Was a very young single parent. Their child is now grown up and B has a partner. They live together in B’s house (bought by B’s parents) and B has no mortgage. B is a very low earner with no personal pension and will rely on state pension and work until full retirement age. Their job is tough and very physically demanding and working to 65+ will be a challenge.

Child C - Has two children (teens) in full time education, one with severe physical disabilities who will never live independently. C can’t work due to caring needs. Her husband works and he has a pension which should see them both live a modest but comfortable retirement. Child is in receipt of disability benefits. C and her husband have about 4 years left on their mortgage. Monthly payment is low on a house worth over £500k, thanks to generous gifts from parents, but they’ll never be able to downsize as it’s custom built to meet needs of disabled child. They have a lot of additional costs linked to their child- physio, need for a vehicle that can meet their needs rather than a cheap run-around etc.

Child D - Youngest child. Vey high earner married to a very high earner. No children. High mortgage costs on a large home but will clear in next five years. Own several investment properties and an holiday home outright. D and spouse will retire early with significant pensions. Current unmortgaged assets valued in the millions and had an inheritance from spouse’s parents of £600k in 2020.

Parent 1 wants to split the money between children A, B, and C so they’ll each have £100k. 1 thinks they need the money more than D and it’s a life changing opportunity for them whereas it’s not for D. 1 thinks that treating people fairly doesn’t always mean treating people equally and circumstances have to be taken into account.

Parent 2 wants to split the money equally between all 4 giving them £75k each. 2 believes that all children in the family should be treated equally, regardless of their current position.

What do you think?

I would split 4 ways as per parent 2.

Out of interest, how are the parents' wills split?

This

There is a world of difference between offering your share to your siblings and being 'left out'.

A world of difference.

Parent 2 is definitely in the right. Inheritances should be split equally between their adult children.

Give it to the neighbours cat... A lot easier

Parent 2.

It's already been unequal and now one parent is considering making it even more unequal.

It seems clear no one gives much of a toss about A, no money so far and not in as good as a position as A. The equaliser plan isn't even equal!!

£75k each is the fairness way.

Please don’t put D in that position. What good could come of it? They will probably feel compelled to agree and then feel resentful for being put in that situation. It’s different if the money is split equally and then D comes to the decision to offer it to the siblings on their own.

£25k is not life changing in any of their circumstances and not worth creating a rift in the family.

Parent 2.

The middle children have already had much much more help than the first and last born.

Christ, whatever you do don't ask D what they think.

Worst of all worlds - here's the money, but we don't actually think you should have it...

OP, are you B?

If I was the parent I would speak to child D and see how they feel. I know if I was child D, I would happily give the money to my siblings so that they can be better off financially.

If you were to have each family list what help they have received over the years, it would appear A and D are the only ones not helped out.
Unless they want to open a can of worms, it’s split 4 ways.

But they already have been unequal in what they have given - B was gifted a house when they needed it. C was given large sums of money to adapt their home for their child. A&D haven’t been given anything significant so far.

As B & C have already had large sums given to them based on their greater needs, this should now be split evenly.

Utter rubbish on it causing a 40 or 50% tax burden.
Utter rubbish on asset deprivation. Yes that is a thing but it does NOT stop gifting assuming that there is no reason to believe you will need care at that time.

Talk about what you know, stop making shite up 🙄

It should be split equally. We never know what's around the corner. What if the people who are currently better off get sick and need care? Or a spouse is charged with a crime and needs an expensive lawyer?

I'd encourage all of them to be mindful of the needs of the less fortunate (maybe the better-off will give their portion to the others), but it doesn't sound like anyone is actually suffering or in danger of becoming destitute. So splitting things unfairly may lead to resentment.

Equal is the only right answer.

Split 3 ways between the non-grabby dc.

As a PP said, there's no need to read the life circumstances of each child.

4 children, 4 equal shares

D is very likely to leave money to nieces/nephews, so ultimately the money will help the rest of the family with a £75k equal split.

Split it equally otherwise it will cause a permanent rift.

Not really, if D is aware of how better off they are compared to their siblings and is understanding.

If D is screaming for fairness when that money would make little dent or impact to them while it would help their siblings is actually selfish.

Divide it equally. It’s the only way to avoid hurt feelings.

Been there, done that! My brother got a much larger proportion in my parent's will and although it's been sorted out now it's left a massive rift between us and our other parent. Equal shares, less the money already gifted to the children that's already had help. And also, explain to the children why BEFORE anything happens to the parents. We were completely blindsided by our parent's decision, there was no family fall out before, I did a lot for them, both before and after the death of my first parent. I don't do it now, let the favourite do it. Bitter? You bloody bet.

Either the parents spend the money themselves, it’s their money afterall, or they split it equally between their children. It’s as simple as that really.

I’m with parent 1, and that’s the way our will goes. Before anyone gets up in arms about that it’s really driven by the kids with the one who gets the least who worked out the ‘fair’ split based on likely future circumstances and need. I’m happy to say we raised kids who appreciate that all people are different with different needs, and that money in such a circumstance is no reflection of the love between people.