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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think phones should be banned for kids?!

92 replies

Glassesfrompubs · 16/10/2023 16:17

I'm kinda ranting here because I can do it anonymously, where really I want to stand in the playground and scream at the top of my lungs... so to save me from social death I'm going to do it here instead!!

My DS is 7 (yr 2). He has kids in his class who have their own mobile phones, who use TikTok and other social media. I'm pretty pissed off because my son was told he was a "loser" because he doesn't know what TikTok is. FFS no seven year old should have a phone!

I just do not understand it and I think it's pretty negligent parenting - none of these kids are travelling to school by themselves. There is literally no reason for young children to have a phone other than their parents giving themselves and easy life and giving into pester power.

For older kids too... everyone I know who is a teacher or has secondary-aged kids says phones are the single worst thing in their kids' lives. teachers spend far too much time dealing with this crap and not actually teaching. Parents feel totally beholden to allow their kids to have them, but equally feel like the devices and constant social interaction is ruining their children's lives.

I really feel like kids shouldn't even be allowed their own devices. If they have to have them for getting to/from school then they should be locked in a box at the start of the school day, and returned at the end. Am I the only one who feels like this?!

OP posts:
justjeansandanicetop · 16/10/2023 16:23

I don't know any 7 year olds who have phones. I agree it's wholly unnecessary.

They are not even just phones, they are smart phones, they are computers.

My kids hassle me to use my phone all the time (mainly YouTube.) they have heard of tiktok but never used it / seen it.

They will not be getting their own anytime soon and I hate how addicted they get to mine.

Thedogscollar · 16/10/2023 16:23

AmI the only one who feels like this?
No you're not. Kids do not need a phone, especially a 7yr old. Phones cause problems in school with learning and bullying. Social media has corrupted a whole generation giving rise to so much mental health problems.
Keep them away from phones and SM as long as you can..

Fionaville · 16/10/2023 16:24

My kids got phones at age 11. They weren't allowed tik tok or anything of the sort before 16. The youngest still asks me if she can look for something specific on YouTube and comes straight off it afterwards. They could only speak to people they know in real life, they asked before downloading any apps and basically their phones were monitored by me.
They aren't actually that interested in their phones and go days without even charging them.

Candlelane · 16/10/2023 16:26

It's extremely unusual for 7 year olds to have their own phone.

Goldmember · 16/10/2023 16:28

7yr old don't need phones, absolutely agreed. When they travel to school or go out to play by themselves, having a mobile phone is really useful. Unfortunately we can't go back to when we were younger as phone boxes don't exist.
My kids have child accounts up to 13 and can't have tiktok or snapchat until then.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 16/10/2023 16:30

It really isn't unusual. Loads of kids in my 8 year olds class have had them ages. My stepdaughter has one at her mums, much against her fathers wish.
OP I'm with you. Keep them off phones for as long as you can. Far too much responsibility in little hands, and far too many things that can go wrong. Mine are about to turn 11 and 8. No phones here. Oldest will be 13 before he gets a phone. He doesn't need it for secondary.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 16/10/2023 16:31

In my experience 7 year-olds do not usually have a phone. What do you mean by banned, OP - actually illegal?

NowItsSpring · 16/10/2023 16:32

Candlelane · 16/10/2023 16:26

It's extremely unusual for 7 year olds to have their own phone.

Unfortunately it really isn't.

InDubiousBattle · 16/10/2023 16:33

I don't know of any 6/7 year olds who have phones and I would have thought it pretty unusual tbh. I know a few who do from year 4, so 8/9 but they seem to use them for Pokemon Go and certainly don't take them into school.

Candlelane · 16/10/2023 16:34

NowItsSpring · 16/10/2023 16:32

Unfortunately it really isn't.

Show quote history

It must depend on where you live, I suppose

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 16/10/2023 16:38

I would 100% judge the parent of a child that age with a phone.

Fair play there may be a handful of reasons why they are needed (can't think of any yet) but generally, totally unnecessary

Bramshott · 16/10/2023 16:39

I think you're taking one situation and generalising widely.

YANBU to think it's not usually appropriate for 7 year olds to have phones and definitely not appropriate for them to be on social media. And of course YANBU to 'ban' your own child from having a phone for a long as you wish.

YABU to extrapolate from this that phones should be 'banned' (as PP has said - do you mean legally?!) for all 'kids' (do you mean under 16s? under 18s?)

Like it or not our kids will be inhabiting a world where most adults have phones and most adults use social media. It's better IMO for teenagers to understand this world and learn to navigate it safely.

SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 16/10/2023 16:41

I think children in secondary school should have mobile phones.

Original poster
Glassesfrompubs · 16/10/2023 16:43

I'm being flippant about the banning, I'm not seriously suggesting they should be made illegal. I guess I think maybe less socially acceptable!? Like cigarettes have been maybe! They just seem so damaging! I can't think of any good thing they bring to children's lives, except being able to call in an emergency.

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 16/10/2023 16:47

My boys had phones when they started secondary school. None of their friends had phones at primary school. Over eight years ago now, so maybe things have changed a lot.

Original poster
Glassesfrompubs · 16/10/2023 16:51

it's not a majority by any means, but I know at least 4 kids have them... unfortunately these seem to be the loudest, most disruptive ones in the class. Sigh.

OP posts:
Rudderneck · 16/10/2023 16:53

I think that 50 years from now, there will be all kinds of widely accepted evidence of the affect of online gaming and social media on kids brains, and we will look at giving them smartphones in the same way we now look at letting kids smoke.

Not just at 7, either, but probably until some time well into adolescence. An acquaintance of mine who does research in the area of internet addiction says that there is more and more evidence that is really damning and when it starts to filter out to the public, it will be a big shock to a lot of people.

piesforever · 16/10/2023 16:54

Unfortunately they will be socially ostracised if they don't have Snapchat and Tiktok in high school. High school is tough! But agree, social media is truly toxic. And little kids....no, the only ones I knew had phones because parents were divorced and it was to ring the other one. Unfortunately mine did get a phone in year 5 as it was lockdown and they were feeling isolated from their friends.

piesforever · 16/10/2023 16:56

ThisMustBeMyDream · 16/10/2023 16:30

It really isn't unusual. Loads of kids in my 8 year olds class have had them ages. My stepdaughter has one at her mums, much against her fathers wish.
OP I'm with you. Keep them off phones for as long as you can. Far too much responsibility in little hands, and far too many things that can go wrong. Mine are about to turn 11 and 8. No phones here. Oldest will be 13 before he gets a phone. He doesn't need it for secondary.

He will FOR 100% SURE want one in year 7. Or how will he meet his mates and arrange who's walking to school, meeting after school? I agree with your thinking but sadly times have changed and you don't want him to get left out or even bullied

Mothership4two · 16/10/2023 16:57

Still vaguely on this subject: DH was a youth football coach for many years and once had 3 primary school boys (at the same time) who would turn up every Saturday to matches half dead because they had been online and/or gaming all night long. They said they did it during the week as well, but don't know if that was untrue and just them boasting/showing off

Heatherbell1978 · 16/10/2023 16:59

I totally agree with you although it tends to be more age 9-10 in my circles. My DS is 9 and we're trying to hold off as long as possible. Thankfully that seems to be the case with most friends. I know this will sound snobby but it's a certain 'type' around me that have a phone at a young age. Also the same kids who are swearing, disruptive in class and have probably been playing Fortnite since they were 4. Kind of sick of it to be honest.

DD aged 6 is now surrounded by girls getting their ears pierced and I'm tired of having to explain that I just don't want her to get them done so young.

Original poster
Glassesfrompubs · 16/10/2023 17:00

I can well believe those posts saying this is damaging long term. My DS has a friend (who I am trying to move him away from tbh) who stays up until 9.30pm playing fortnight every night. He's one of the ones who has a phone. I didn't really believe it until did a school trip recently and this kid fell asleep during the lunch break. Like literally curled up on the floor, outside, fast asleep. Ridiculous.

OP posts:
Original poster
Glassesfrompubs · 16/10/2023 17:01

Heatherbell1978 · 16/10/2023 16:59

I totally agree with you although it tends to be more age 9-10 in my circles. My DS is 9 and we're trying to hold off as long as possible. Thankfully that seems to be the case with most friends. I know this will sound snobby but it's a certain 'type' around me that have a phone at a young age. Also the same kids who are swearing, disruptive in class and have probably been playing Fortnite since they were 4. Kind of sick of it to be honest.

DD aged 6 is now surrounded by girls getting their ears pierced and I'm tired of having to explain that I just don't want her to get them done so young.

Yes. All of this!

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 16/10/2023 17:01

There are plenty of legitimate reasons for a young child to have a phone, the most common of which will be neurodiversity. I used to be sanctimonious and anti-screen myself. then I experienced the reality of raising a special needs child and decided to take advice from her therapists and to also pay more attention to her needs than my preconceived ideas.

It’s possible to provide a device without giving them access to social media or even unsupervised access to any apps. It’s also possible to give them a phone without it actually having phone service and to be WiFi only.

my teen loves to freak people out by telling people she got her first iPhone at age 3. It is technically true. It only had WiFi access and a few apps. She couldn’t even get into it without a parent. It was safer than handing her my phone both from a financial risk perspective and from what she might accidentally access.

WildlingsCorner · 16/10/2023 17:05

I wish they were actually somehow illegal. Then there wouldn't be any pressure on kids (and their parents) to have them.

I'm middle aged but still can't responsibly deal with my smart phone (spend way too much time browsing nonsense). And apart from rhe waste of time there's online bullying, being expected to be clued up on even more stuff and the strain to your eyes. They are just a complete menace. I couldn't live without my smart phone now (well, I could but it would be quite tedious) but I'm so happy I didn't have one as a child or teenager.

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